Apr 6, 2020

don't ask me what day is it already to be home. i have lost count of the day. the only days that i am counting right now are the days that i can be in contact again with AH. he is away at work on a special mission. selalu kalau AH berlayar pun tak de la lama macam ni. paling2 pun rasanya 9 hari kut. itu pun in between days dapat jugak line sebab maybe kapal dia ronda dekat dengan pantai. so dapat la hilang rindu, kan. 

tapi kali ni memang lama, sebulan lebih. ko rasa? haaa... kan.. dah la baru kawen katanya 😋 tettt... ihik... sabar sabar.. bukan apa. he was at rumah atas angin since 17 mac, sebab masa tu aku breakdown teruk. ye la.. sedih tu tak lah sangat pasal banyak changes kena buat pasal wedding kitorang. aku lebih sedih bila darah daging sendiri cakap tak kira perasaan aku and tuduh aku macam2. so aku nak ngadu kat sape kesedihan aku kan. kat AH la.. and then knowing AH, dia tak boleh kalau dengar or tahu aku sedih sangat. so aku rasa hari isnin malam, 16th tu dia dah turun KL tapi lewat and he booked a hotel near rumah aku. part macam ni la aku appreciate sangat AH coz he is sensitive about what i am feeling or most of the time dia boleh rasa apa yang aku rasa walaupun aku cuba jugak nak hide dari dia sebab tak nak lah kang dia ingat aku mengada2. kan? hehehe 😁but on a serious note aku memang sedih tahap gaban masa tuh. aku type ni pun tersedu2 dok ingat. 

anyway, semalam whole day aku dapat la hantar2 message kat AH. memang rasa tenang and happy je. and we video called for an hour. dok borak2, and sebab macam baru sangatkan, macam tak percaya pun ada jugak that akhirnya Allah tunaikan doa kami to be husband and wife. alhamdulillah syukur sangat and insyaallah we will be the best spouse to each other - before that, we must build a better and stronger relationship with Allah swt, our Creator. insyaallah

so bila sampai time malam, time dia ada kerja, aku pun sambung buat kerja aku.. and one thing about mature relationship, we understand each other's responsibilities. so tak de la nak merengek2 kalau any one of us busy for each other. and we both understand that no matter what, insyallah we still think of each other. 

aku teringat time AH ada kat rumah and Joey pun kat rumah, seboleh2nya aku ajak semua solat jemaah sama2. insyallah one fine day Lisa will join too. Ibu rajin tanya kalau anak2 aku terima AH dalam our life live. All i can say is, i have understanding children, and plus masing2 dah besar, they will eventually leave me to have their own family. except that joey selalu ingatkan aku, "kan Joey dah bagitau mama, joey akan jaga mama" yes, i have a sweet son lik-dat 😀. insyaallah semoga ada yang jaga aku nanti - bukan berharap tapi berdoa the best for all of us. pasal penerimaan Lisa, aku tak boleh nak jawab on behalf of her. i would understand kalau dia rasa awkward cuma aku selalu berdoa kat Allah supaya satukan hati kami semua sekeluarga. and Joey pun selalu cakap dengan aku, "kenapa kita kena biarkan perkara2 lama menghantui hidup kita & mengganggu proses kita untuk kehidupan baru and move on" a mature thinking for someone his age. and this is my principle for a long time. bukan aku tak ambik kisah perasaan orang lain. but at times, macamana kita explain pun - people will accept what they want to think. 

AH i miss you so much.. but sempat lah dia whatsapp kan gambar2 kitorang sama2 yang aku pun tak ingat bila dia snap.. hahaha 😁🙈we didn't really get to say goodbye before your vessel went on the move again. i will always pray for your safety and your team. love you 😘