job hunting

i have been browsing linkedin looking for job opportunity but why is it every time i want to update my cv i get so so lazy? perhaps it is because i have too much things to update since i have been working for than 20 years? wow... a very very long time to stay in the same company. loyal kah aku? :D


okay, so i have received some comments from people who reads my blog. so, i was saying, can people who reads assume that everything i write here is about me? heh heh **evil laugh** well, i tried so hard not to, but yeahh.. for those who are close to me they can guess which is about me or which is not. but - i will just let you guess 😜 i am sure it will not be that hard. and whenever i feel down all my rantings will be the sad ones. i remembered when my daughter once said before she reads her poem.. about .. kalau tak koyak and creating a new poem. i guess when i am koyak - it spills all over my blog. i am sorry dear readers, i just could not hide my feelings most of the time. so you can understand how transparent i am. i tried to be jovial, cheerful and happy on the outside but it will show in my writings.

she missed him still - and for now no matter how she is being treated, her feelings remain the same. maybe she should pray that God take away her feelings for him - if that is what…
no matter how patience she is trying to be, only God know how much she misses him. misses everything from him. and they are not even in a relationship per say. each time she says she is giving up, the more she misses him. if only the feeling is mutual.

love hurts

wow, and too bad it is true. i remembered when i attended the talk by Yasmin Mogahed - when you love a person, do not love him/her too much because that is where God will test you with the biggest test/challenge. Allahuakbar.. and i cried when i heard that coz that happened to me. and after that day, i always think back of my feelings towards others and control where i can. even with parents, she said, do not love your children too much coz afraid that Allah will test you on that. and... that scares me too. always put Allah number 1 in your heart. i know it is easier said than done but that is just how it is. and always remember that all these are temporary. be happy, enjoy life but remember your roots - where you came from. and most of all remember your Creator coz, He is the eternity.

so, the story goes... keeping her feelings to herself is not what she intends to do. she has learnt through life that she needs to express how or what she feels. it may scare some people or it may mak…


she should start doing her work but as usual she cannot keep her mind of him. the reality that sunk in really scares shit out of her. the reality that she cannot help her own feelings falling for someone whom she should have just kept as just friends. why? because because. she could get hurt again. but those chatting till late night and those simple morning wishes and exchange of cute selfies just filled up her days - with the hope it fills up his days too. when someone is so used to that routine and it stopped abruptly, it hurts. she just felt so empty without his messages. she can imagine his cute naughty face in her eyes. she tries so hard to read between the lines - between his actions but it all came blurry to her. or perhaps she is just in denial because she is afraid of losing him. he brings out the smile and hope in her when she was heart broken. but now, she needs to be strong again - if this is happening - that he is not meant for her.


i am thankful that whenever i can consider myself stuck in any decision, eventually the answer is there. i have always been a determine person - and as it goes with my life tagline "always get what i want" , i have always got what i want in life. it is just either i get it now or later - but not never.

i ran into the gym's owner last wednesday just before my class and he was saying about expanding his gym. somehow automatically it helped me decide. and i told him that if that is the case, might as well i operate at only 1 location which is just his gym instead of my own studio. if you are in the blur zone, i am now operating at 2 venues... my studio and my friend's gym. somehow, my studio is being underutilized. i think it is about time that i do something about it. no doubt, i love the space of my own but it is just a business decision that i have to make. last time i wonder how does it feels to have my own dance studio and in 2015 i managed to own 1. of course i lo…


yes he makes me happy. he makes me feel high in the air. but off-late i do not know where this is heading and it pulls me down. someone who used to cheer me up and accompany me during my down time has somehow vanished. i have become someone who loses my energy. i have lost my genuine happiness and i felt like it shows on my face and my attitude towards life. i felt lost in him. and i lost control of myself. i have become someone who is depending on someone else to be happy. not to say that i am not happy without him - just that when he does what he does, it pulls me down - sorry if you don't get what i meant. all i wanna say is i should focus back my energy to something that benefits me rather than someone who doesn't appreciate how i feel about us. at least that is how he makes me feel now. maybe i hope too much - on him and where we are heading. maybe i am not what/who he wants. despite saying all these - my heart is still with him but i let the Almighty to decide my next s…