my fitness journey

i sort of started again with my fitness pal apps. but still too lazy to update food intake. you must be asking then why do i even bother have the apps? hahhah LOL 😀 well, because i sort of plan to update my fitness ranting there. coz they have a blog too. so yeah.. i will try to update my fitness story there and not here.. or maybe depends on my mood? errmm.. **being fickle.. hahaha 😀
so here is the link for my latest update. i think you can have the option to follow that blog or maybe you will have to request first?

AKO Fitness Journey

moving mirror

the activity at my studio last tuesday when IH came with his team to dismantle my mirrors. Yup, he took all my side mirrors and place them at the new space in his gym. So basically i have like some art of AFDA there :P

migraine is my bestfriend

or some people can say it is called headache. but this headache was really really bad that i felt like my eyes are popping out. i wish i can hate him or dislike him. is that what he is trying to do? testing my patience? Allahuakbar... please please ease it for me. let me see his flaws that i can get him out of my mind because that is what it seems that he wants me to do. but being me, i always see positive things in people - most of the time. in fact when i was mentally abused, i still see the good part of my abuser. these were what i learned through my difficult time before. that i trained myself to be positive. the bad side of it - i get stepped on. **sigh**

can't be talking/writing too much about this because this is the path that i have chosen. trying to get as many distractions but nothing seems to work. is it that strong my feelings for him? damnnn

what has this got to do with the title???? it messes with my head - that is why!

tapi bukan aku

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku
Ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka
Tak ingin ku paksakan cinta ini
Meski tiada sanggup untuk kau terima
Aku memang manusia paling berdosa
Khianati rasa demi keinginan semu
Lebih baik jangan mencintaiku aku dan semua hatiku
Karena takkan pernah kau temui, cinta sejati


Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini
Dan jangan kau tangisi lagi
Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma
Sebab rasa ku tlah mati untuk menyadarinya
Semoga saja kan kau dapati
Hati yg tulus mencintaimu
Tapi bukan aku

can't swallow these

why would people have the heart to do things that he/she does to another human being. 
why do people care less about how other people feel about them? 
why do people say things or express words that they don't mean?
if you know how hurtful it is to be treated like that, why do you do the same?
why do some people act so mean when all that he/she was treated with is full of love and care?
why does he/she ill treat others?
doesn't he/she has a heart?
doesn't he/she even bother that the actions hurts others so much that it is even so difficult for them to breathe?
and there is a pause
a pause in her/his life that she/he gets so confused
has she/he sin that much that God is trying to teach him/her to be more patience?

The Solemnization of Dr Ros & Mr Azlan

26 Nov 2017 at Sime Darby Convention Center: it was one of the sweetest solemnization ceremony that i have ever attended. my new whatever is trying to focus on beautiful things rather than my own perasaan yang tak best. so i will try my very best to write more on happy stuff that is going on around my life right now. simply because i have to keep on reminding myself that there are a lot of beautiful things happening around me to compare to few things that i cannot get for whatever reasons by Allah swt. maybe not now, i don't know. 

i received a phone call from and an unknown number last thursday. and it surprised me when it was AJ, RS's fiancee. and his request was something that i cannot say no to. why? because RS is a very sweet and strong woman and i know how much she has gone through to make it after her loss... and she is also one of my fitness members who has been supporting AKO Fitness and giving us the opportunities to give to the community through the awareness progra…
she tries to make herself busy. she contacted everyone that she knows just to fill up her time. as it is she is already a very busy person but there is still something amiss in her daily routine. she tries not to think of him but how can she not she her heart is with him. she tries to think of other positive things. she tries not to focus on that but the memories keep on coming back. is that what it is going to be now? just memories? it is too much, and she is suffering so bad, too bad that she didn't think that this is going to happen this year at least. has she really fallen too deep for him? but, there is nothing between the two of them. confused. yeah confused now. can someone who is not a couple missing the other so much that it hurts.