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live life as it is

just... beautifully written. if things doesnt go how you want it to be. take it.. accept it...dont put any negative thoughts to what has happened in your life. put in only positive thoughts and let go. it will make you a better and more beautiful person on the inside 😊😗 aahh i am so gonna blog this 😊  . and the only reason that i can be quiet or shut some people off of my life is because i need or i choose to be at peace. i choose to be feeling good about myself with or without you in my life. you and you and you have been there in my life for reasons. and you are being cut off because you handed me the scissors.  . all the above has nothing to do with the poem below. but it can mean something is my life.. some how or rather.  . #Repost @poemsporn_ with @instatoolsapp ・・・ "I grow tiresome with each passing day that somehow,  perhaps in a time between now and never I could have it my way.
But maybe it isn't a place in your heart that I should desire, maybe it isn't in your heart where I…

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tapi bukan aku

sometimes you cannot assume things that is happening around you. if you ask me now, my heart is very fragile and in seconds i can cry but trying so hard to hold back my tears. maybe when i actually let it all out i will feel much better. the truth is i do not know if it is worth all the tears. i was just being in control - or in denial - or perhaps just full of false hope. maybe its true what N4 said few days back... (walaupun jilaka :D :P) when it comes to being in relationship. i will never learn :P LOL. well it is not that. it is just that i am a risk taker. i learn through mistakes because i dare to jump when others don't. i would blurt out how i feel when i want to know what is going on simply because i believe life is short to waste time. grab the opportunity while it is there. but right now at this moment - i feel the emptiness in my heart - coz it crashes

my me time

people say once you have started to travel alone, you will get used to it. and you know what? it is true. so, to you out there, try it - you will never know you might just love the time that you have with yourself. you get to know new people at the places you travel. of course if you are used to a certain country it could be easier. as in you know more on what to expect. 
i just got back from yogyakarta.. ya ya ya some of you would say.. again? well, it's my money and i can go wherever i want. 😊 why yogyakarta? it brings peace to me as in innerpeace haha 😃😃 it has a lot of places to discover. last year i was in yogya 3 times, so this year..i am here again and discover new things.
yes, i owe postings about my visits to yogya last year. some day when i have the mood i will write about it okay. for this posting i will write about this trip. 
i spent 3 nights this time and went to 3 different live music places: Ruang Cafe, Goebox Cafe and Liquid Cafe. the best for me is Goebox Cafe an…

another short trip

work has been so hectic. i just a took a week off from work not deciding where to go yet. i am not gonna talk too much about office work hehhehe :D and i have a lot to think of about my studio. or perhaps what would be the best way to do to handle my current financial situation wisely. eheemm... things that i expect to happen is already happening this month. it is true that some people who does good things to you just wanna get things in return. i did what i had to do. but now i know, the person that i defended so much is just like another guy out there. people change once they already got what they wanted in life. when they feel that they have achieved their target. whether or not during that process if they hurt other people's feelings, it does not matter. its their ultimate goal that they are after. yup i am babbling. hmmm ok...

i went for a short trip to jogja.. yes.. again and this time i covered the live music places each night i was there. and the place that i enjoyed most …

be strong lil heart

as i am typing this the right word to express how i feel is 'sebak'. never knew or expect that it would turn out to be this way. no one else or nothing else to blame except for myself. i let myself and my lil heart got drifted away with sweet talks. words and the attention that was given to me when i needed most. never that i thought it could be temporary. wait.. haven't you learn already, that all that is given in this world IS temporary! the only thing that is permanent is at the Hereafter. yeah.. sadly to say i thought i am strong enough to handle this. i thought that i was in control of the situation. i was just being myself. a loving and caring person that i am towards someone whom now i know was wrongly assumed. i thought the feeling is mutual. but my thought was wrong. i was just another person that people can meet..greet.. and say goodbye. i am.. still fragile 😔 and i thought when he said he will always be there... is real
ya Allah.. please help me through this. i …

you owe me nothing

i was already asleep actually but somehow without saying proper goodnight won't put me to a sort of real sleep. if this could be a series of love drama, it could be a hit. 😊

you, have been the sweetest thing (well you are not a thing, per say but figure of speech thingy? 😁) that has happened to me for the past few weeks or maybe months. when i thought that i could never get to feel this way again. when i almost lost hope on feeling cheerful - or looking forward for the day that i could smile this wide - or even grin! well, you are right you can be moody and as the day goes by you taught me how to handle you 😛
as i go through my journey of life, i learned to put Him first in my heart. and it is true i supposed that when you put your trust in Him and His plan, you will feel your shoulder lighter than before. every day is another step forward to your Creator. i may not seemed to be pious to most people but this is the way of life that i choose to live in. 
there must be a reason …

i had to

i was so sad that you were upset. i am sorry but i had to do what i had to do. things have changed between us. you decided on the changes, not me. and you said that we both had to either leave our lives, or live our life. both ways means more or less the same. i know i am dependent on you still. i don't know how i will work it out with some things.. with the house payment and all. but insyallah, Allah is with me and things will work out fine. there will be a way. i have Him to help me out. sooner or later i will have to be on my own anyway.

and at the point that you already have her in your life - you will not need the privileges that i have been giving you anyway. i am not upset that you have her in your life. i am just upset with myself for having the hope that you will return. i misunderstood all the signals.

i feel bad for having to do what i had to do. but i need to be able to do this alone. cut you off totally. as i cannot live with your shadows around me anymore. it just hu…