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Wednesday, March 8, 2017

You

when it comes to you, i keep on telling myself to be strong. or i keep on telling myself to move on. i wish someday i can really be okay with all these things that are happening around me. i still have some parts of you in me which is still too difficult for me to get rid of. it is so hard and sad that someone whom you used to be with is now a stranger in your life. you only contact me if you need something from me - and yes, that is what / who you are now. you, make me see you as someone who wants to take advantage of what we have / had. i wish i am strong enough to say F6%k off but because despite of your selfishness and huge ego that you have in you, i still believe you are a good person and you, have taught me a lot about life. you have been there with us all these while - just that the thought will comes if they are all real, at all before this?

Thursday, March 2, 2017

seeking for peace

peace of mind is what i meant. honestly i am not happy at work. SO NOT HAPPY to the fact that i really HATE IT at work. as many others, i am trying so damn hard to stay positive and be grateful for i am still employed. of course i am grateful. but doesn't mean i am happy there. it just sucks big time. i am not doing what i like anymore. i am just doing it for the month end paycheck. yeahh having that moment and i have been distributing my updated CVs again. and this time is for real.

i was upset the other day, for some reasons that is happening in my life. i don't really like to think about it because i know nothing is gonna happen. i am stuck in my current life where i am in a way dependable on someone else. i am not fully independent yet. be it financially or emotionally - which is the toughest one of all.

i want to be on my own, where i can just decide and do without worrying of monthly income. kaiser has been busy as usual and he trains joey 3 times a week now. i have been lacking with my own training with PTC because of my busy schedule and my run down emotion.. blame it on the irregular PMS. hmmmm... so, i hope i will be back on track this weekend. tired of looking at my bloated self. but i always remember when Nanahaleq mentioned about women being bloated is normal. so, it makes me feel much better. i told PTC that i have come to a term where i will do what i can do and accept the fact that age does affects what i do. and i do not want to strain myself but enjoy the journey. i like looking good and fit - for myself. i love myself where i don't look like any other over 40s mommies. i am different and i like it. so yeahhh...

got to go for lunch now - i will write more, insyaallah to avoid me getting cuckoo!!

Friday, February 24, 2017

miss him

i cannot explain how much i miss him, at times it hurts too much that i thought i cannot bear it anymore. the funny thing is that, this feelings will come on and off. not that i am not busy that i have to waste all my energy on this or even on him. i am a very busy person and my time left on daily basis is just to go to sleep. for the past 3 weeks i have been sleeping late because i have been chatting with a so called bff. not really wanna call it bff coz we hardly know each other. its like a virtual bff. but sokay lah. whatever ship that we have right now kinda keeps my occupied for a while until one day when i realized this is not what i really wanted. i dont feel that borak2 kosong is what i enjoy anymore. maybe i am too old for this kind of conversation. maybe he is a nice friend. god knows. 

anyway, i have been having this shitty moment and yesterday i could not stand it anymore - for 1 thing i could not stand someone at the office. and no i will not go deep into that. i needed to call lisa and talk. and so i did. we talk for about maybe half an hour with me crying at the steps behind my office. my eyes became sembab. i had finally broke down. and when i talked about it one by one - perhaps what i am facing at the office is too minimal. i am actually just feeling so tortured missing kaiser. yes, that is the truth. and all my days and whatever is going haywire because of this stupid feeling. 

and today kaiser texted me to ask me to prepare his bills as always. as though nothing happened. well he did sent me a message even before but i am the one who snapped at him. i am just tired of being an option. God please take this feelings away from me. please God help me. i wanna be free from this awful tiring feelings. i wanna be at peace with people who truly loves and appreciates me. please God. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

love beautiful weddings

19th Feb 2017: a wedding i attended. my cousin andy gave me an invitation card for his step daughter's wedding. somehow i can feel that it is going to be a beautiful wedding. i was praying hard that i can still fit into my baju kurung. the last baju kurung tailored 2 decembers ago when i was on a short trip to bandung. why i was praying hard? because i am sort of bigger than before. kunun2 sekarang ada bicep aarhh.. hahahah lol #silajangankecamsaya. well yeah.. i have sort of started my gym session again. but at of today, dah 2 weeks ponteng - hormone issue.. hahaha 😁.

ok anyway, back to the wedding. i made us arrived lated because i just have to color my hair lah kan.. oh well.. of course lah.. kalau tak nanti 2 kali kena gi hair saloon. when we arrived, rezeki apa je lah yang tinggal. salah sendiri kan. so i had laksa, kuey tiow goreng and cendol. alhamdulillah syukor..

the place is really beautiful. i just had to share it with my bff. oh yeaa.. let's just call it bff, coz that's what he claims. so i told bff that 1 day when he finally gets married, i will be dancing with a handsome gay 😂😂 just like 'my best friend's wedding'. the place is beautiful and cosy except because it was during the day, so it was kinda hot. my country very hot you know! 

so N4 and i took a few pictures lah kan.. i did not get the chance to enter the house. so maybe next time lah.. bila N4 kawin pulak.. tetttt 😁😁 

ok lah.. penat type pakai handphone ni. sakit dada i meniarap. later later ok.. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

proud mom - congrats joey!

yesterday was hari perlantikan pengawas for joey. he was nominated as temporary prefect last year..it was a good thing that has happened to him because he learn about being responsible, in school at least 😁 at home, he is still my baby and mess up his bedroom. 

last thursday we went to cheras to pick up his white blazer. when he tried it on it looks a bit small and the hand was short but according to him, "it's the style Ma".. errmm ok lah.

then last saturday was the day that i need to fetch his blue prefect shirt. why la cannot do all those at 1 place? so i had to go to ttdi to take the blue shirt. alhamdulillah the place was easy to find. and owh the night before, we went to the uptown market in danau kota to get his track bottom till 2am! it has been a busy week. 

but yesterday when i saw his photos and how he tells me the story during the event. hehehe he sounded really happy and proud to be a Victorian. so am i.. proud that my son is chosen to be one of the prefects on his senior year.

congrats joey.. and keep it up. all the best for spm pulak ok. :* love you. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

just blab..


i found these words when i was browsing instagram and i changed it to my picture :D heh heh.. i like to do that :p please bear with me as i don't know where this posting is heading. i just feel like blogging coz i felt so tired for preparing proposal and now that we have submitted the proposal - i think i deserve a break. so yeah...
girls night out: last saturday ZZ sent a message to the group asking who wants to hang out for coffee that night. and coincidentally i was not doing anything. so to cut story short, 3 of us went to curve to visit ZN because she was injured. ended up having dinner at dome, curve. which.. was okay because of the people that i hang out with. but the high part of the night was when we were on the way back, we saw fireworks on the highway! hhahaha :D we were screaming and laughing like kids :p you might wanna view the video in my ig @zin_ako. know what, i don't mind doing this again - with the hope there will be more of us :p hehehe :D 


i think my next posting will be on conversation :) errmmm hello, ada tak script writer mana2 nak buat drama kisah ni? psl conversations dalam blog i? heh... 

Thursday, February 2, 2017

conversation 01

woman empower man
there's something about woman
they have that power to boost u up when u are low

vice versa actually

the energy all are way diff

yeah?

yeap....had a discussion with my friend just now

ahh so ure boost up already?

no la, mana ada
i macam nie je la

hahaha mcm ni tu macamana?

single, but every morning told myself to keep going.
LOL :D
who knows maybe the woman that empower u are waiting for u to come save her 1st
kakakkakaka

hmmmm
if she can empower others, why does she needs to be saved?
**note: this question is looking for certainty**

well, u see, she needs to be loved
from a right man who truly appreciates her

ahhh.. spot on!
:) you just got A+
hehehe

kan
where is this beautiful girl
i wonder what are the color of her eyes

and who says she has to be beautiful?
** again... tricky question - if that is all man would be looking for.. beauty -- physically**

if she laugh or if she cries right now

if ... you are talking about physical

to me she is beautiful

ahhh

inside and out

simply excellent

alaaa u ni sukati la nak yang macamana pon!

bwahahahahaha :D

disclaimer: some of these have been edited :) just to put some spices in the conversation. sometimes, along the way, you will meet someone either for real or virtually. someone whom you can talk to about almost everything or anything under the sun (or the moon :P). someone whom you just met, either for real or virtually but when you 'talk', it feels like you have known the person for a long time. someone who can just cheer you up when you feel at your lowest? or when you are tired with work or whatever that drains you up. sometimes, Allah will somehow give that spur of a moment of happiness :) #alhamdulillah.

so i think once in a while when we come across this kinda talk - i will post it in my blog. and i hope it will bring you to another world :)

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