My Pace My Journey My Rules

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT HAVING THE BIGGEST STEPS. IT'S ABOUT NEVER STOPPING. 👠👟

If there's one thing life has taught me, it's that I've never been afraid to start over, reinvent myself or walk a different path.

I've worn many hats. A mother, a wife, a businesswoman, a wellness coach, a fitness instructor, a dreamer and sometimes, a woman trying to figure it all out.

I've had my victories, my setbacks, my near-death experiences, my financial challenges and moments when I had to find the strength to pick myself up all over again.

At 54, I'm still learning, still building, still exploring and still dreaming.

Some days I walk in heels. Some days I need my sneakers. Some days I have to push really hard just to move one step forward.

But I move.

Because I refuse to believe that age should determine how big we dream, how far we go or how many times we get to reinvent ourselves.

I'm not competing with anyone. I'm building a life that feels good, meaningful and truly mine.

My pace. My journey. My rules.

And if the next step looks ridiculously BIG, well... I'll just find a way to push through it. 😉

#StillBecoming #LifeAt54 #ReinventYourself #WomenWhoInspire #MyJourneyMyRules #AgeIsJustANumber #NurainKalam

Sort of Lowest Point

July 17, 2026

i think for the past 2 months were my lowest point. Financially and emotionally. i believe more of financially. nevertheless i am still grateful for having a supportive spouse and provides enough for me and our household. just that, my own commitment(s) are not fulfilled. cant wait till my financial is stable again soon. 

i am not posting this on the day that this happens, in the hope that the day this posting is being published, my financial has doubled or tripled from todays situation. 

do you know that it is so damn difficult for me to even type this in my blog because i am ashamed of myself right now. so much to grasp and not enough effort/action being done.

i have been asking cash from my spouse. extra cash i mean, for me to grab food, or for my lunch. when my spouse asked me what am i eating for lunch, if i said something like too light, he will ask me, "what do you want me to grab for you? i will do it now?" 🥺

times when he peep at my wallet, and just pass to be a RM50 note to put in my wallet so that i have more cash. hehehe 😁alhamdulillah for such a loving spouse. insyallah i believe Allah swt will grant me more rezeki, insyaallah. i believe this is a test from Him. 

Kisah Lasagna 18 Sept 2026

Lepas bayar kelas zumba rm20, cash dlm MAE tinggal rm7. Sebenarnya bukan tak ada duit langsung, cuma duit dalam akaun tu yang tinggal RM7. Singgah mamak nak sarapan. Set breakfast rm6.90. 😁 Sib baik ada je spare cash dlm wallet spare. Lepas late breakfast balik rumah. Tengahari fikir nak makan apa... *nak grab, dlm akaun berfoya-foya ada rm7.. aah.. makan buah je lah*

Tiba² Tuan called.. 

_syg u dah makan?_

*belum lagi*

_laa kenapa tak makan lagi?_

*tak tau nak makan apa, baru nak fikir* (padahal malu nak ckp and nak mintak duit order grab)

_haa tak pe lah i dah packkan lasagna utk u_

*yey! Dari mana?*

_i ada meeting tadi kat bkt jelutong. Nanti i htrkan ke rumah_

*hehehe 😁 yey tq syg*

_welcome_

Panjang lagi bualan kitorang tapi ini je lah aku share 🤣 Allah swt tahu bila hambaNya perlukan sesuatu.. and Dia hantar food melalui husband aku 😅😅😅

Moral of the story: Jangan panik tengok satu account. Sometimes, lasagna is already on the way. 😆❤️

Learning to See Myself Through Their Eyes ❤️

I tend to feel that I am not good enough… sometimes even to myself.

But when I look back, I realise something.

So many people have seen a better version of me even before I was able to see her myself.

I’ve been blessed to have people in my life who noticed my progress, my strengths, my potential and even the things I didn’t realise I had in me.

I will always be thankful to one of my ex-bosses, who saw what I had contributed to the company. He saw the progress I had made, the improvements I brought to the organisation, and reminded me that I actually had more talents in me than I gave myself credit for.

I’m thankful for my business mentors too, including my younger sister, who sometimes believes in me more than I believe in myself. They sees my potential in the business and reminds me that what I do has actually helped people become better versions of themselves.

I’m thankful for my coaches, who saw potential in me as a coach — someone who could help other people discover their own potential, open up possibilities for themselves, and find their way forward.

And I’m especially thankful for my son.

He has seen me become a better person and, I think, a better listener too. I know I’m still not always good with words, and sometimes I struggle to convey what I really mean in the right way. 😂 But he notices the changes in me.

He has acknowledged and recognised that I have become happier, more productive and more positive after going through my own struggles.

And coming from my son, that means a lot to me.

Because he has seen parts of me that not everyone gets to see. He has seen me struggle, figure things out, fall short, try again and slowly become a different version of myself.

Then there is my husband.

He believes in me and supports what I do, whether I believe in myself or not. ❤️ And he has also told me that he is thankful for the way I supported him when he needed someone to believe in him.

And that one really made me stop and think.

Wow… I didn’t realise I could have that kind of impact on someone else.

Maybe that’s something I need to learn to see in myself too.

Maybe I have been so busy looking at what I haven’t achieved yet, what I could have done better, and where I think I’m still lacking…

…that I sometimes forget to look at how far I’ve actually come.

I may not always believe that I am good enough.

But the people who have walked alongside me seem to see something different.

They see someone who has grown.

Someone who has changed.

Someone who has become happier, more positive and more aware of herself.

Someone who has something to give.

Someone who can make a difference in other people's lives.

And maybe… just maybe…

it’s time I start believing in the person they already see in me. 🥹❤️

This is definitely not the complete list. 😂 There are so many people who have played a part in my journey, and I realised while writing this that I probably need a Part II… and maybe Part III! ❤️

Absentia on Netflix

We found this drama on netflix. To summarize it, started of with an FBI agent husband lost his wife who is also an FBI agent. She dissappeared while on duty. They have a 1year old boy at that time. 6 years later, the husband got a call in the middle of the night from someone claiming to know where his wife was. But he has remarried and their son knows his new wife as his only mom. The husband ran out to the said location with backup of police and found his wife whom he and everybody thought has died.

This sparks a conversation with Tuan. 😂

Me: Syg kalau benda ni jadi kat you macamana you buat?

Him: Ha susah jugak tu.. dua² ada

Me: Tu la kan. So kalau you kalau I lah yg hilang tu, yang mana you pilih?

Him: 🤣🤣 ah hahaha I tak nak jawab soalan you. Ini trap question namanya!

Me: 😂😂 alaa 

Him: aaah no no no.. tau dah you tu

Idriz Bday Party

N4 booked an airbnb homestay for idriz 7th bday party. Theme was pakai askar.. homestay memang best, spacious, byk bilik and memang idriz happy lah. 

And our cucu was there too. Kalau dgn sm mmg half day tu tak puas. I get to hold him lama today. He slept in my arms for about 45minutes.

We were at the party from 2.25pm until 6.45pm sebab ada meeting to attend. Tunggu la nanti kalau dah dapat gambar bday boy lagi, i will update this posting. 

And ohh seperti biasa N1 and her durians.. beli sampai 3 pack besar.. tapi dia makan sikit 😆 alhamdulillah thank you belanja durian.

Last Therapy Session

today is my last therapy session at HUKM. i was sad because i felt that this is the time that i can actually share my inner feelings/emotions without being judged. i find that this time, the therapy session was structured well, with goals, actions, follow up and reflections. and at the same time she also received some new lessons from me - we learned from each other. love the part that she summarized what we have gone through for the past 10 sessions together and i used gemini to make it look nicer for me to refer to some day.