relationship goals

what is relationship to you? sometimes being single is okay until you really have or found someone who is worth to be with. maybe betul lah apa orang cakap/tulis, bila dah lama single, being in a relationship membuatkan kita rasa sedikit pelik. off late ni aku banyak fikir, or maybe aku terlebih fikir. tiba2 aku risau aku tak dapat bagi yang terbaik untuk dia. i am feeling a bit errmm i dont know what is the word for it. but offlate ni aku kerap fikir, am i enough for him. will he be happy with me? what if i cannot give him what he wants? what's next? memang aku fikir banyak 😪 

for the past few months he has made me a happy person and almost complete. selagi kitorang tak de 'lesen' tak boleh la nak kata complete lagi, kan? 😋 tapi memang he has always been there for me, time aku sedih, happy, sihat, tak sihat, memang dia sentiasa ada and aku memang thankful sangat. tapi sekarang ni aku tengah emo sendiri kut. 

this week ada cuti kat tengah2 minggu. aku baru cakap bestnya kalau tetiba kelas dia cancel ke, untuk khamis & jumaat. sekali tup tup, dia hantar message bagitau tak de kelas hari khamis & jumaat. kalau lah aku cuti kan best. ni aku kena kerja jugak so terpaksa lah dia layan diri sendiri.. tapi at least aku balik rumah, dia ada. and dia dekat dengan aku. dekat tapi jauh.. tettt... hehehehe 😛 tolong jangan muntah, orang bercinta lah katakan.. ehhh...

anyway rambling kali ni kan pasal relationship, so cuba korang fikir balik in you all punya relationship, are you a changed person? changed meaning, you are not being yourself. and pada aku bila aku with him, i am being myself. except of course la ada benda2 yang aku kena berubah.. hik hik... 😜and pada aku tak susah mana pun, maybe sebab we all dah kawan2 dulu sebelum we both jump in a relationship. aku pun memang tak sangka that we can go this far. tapi i am happy and glad he is in my life. anak2 aku pun ok, maybe sebab diorang pun lega that i have someone who cares for me and love me. cuma satu je, apa2 pun aku tak boleh nak berjauhan dari anak2 aku. simply because despite him being with me, his nature of work membuatkan kitorang selalu berjauhan. and bila dia tak de dengan aku time tu pun i have my me time, time aku dengan gang2 zumba aku atau gang2 divers aku. ha.. ada je activity aku sebenarnya. paling tidak pun, aku kat rumah dengan mischa lah. tapi so far, anak2 aku ada je lah berdekatan. ni sementara anak2 aku belum ada family diorang sendiri lah kan.

kejap, sebenarnya apa yang aku nak tulis ni? ok lah.. i think too much.. yeup that is about it. or maybe sebab we are together tapi we do not have that official thing to tie us together? sebab tu aku masih terasa seperti di awang-awangan? aku masih sure tak sure? walaupun dia sentiasa mengconfirmkan aku. i just kenot lah.. banyak sangat benda uncertain kut. aku pun masih risau dengan his parents acceptance.

macam yang aku pernah cakap dengan dia dulu.. i cannot undo what i am right now. my situation and my condition. i am already what i am. i cannot change that. but of course in all our life, semua orang akan cuma cuba yang terbaik and to be the best for people they love, kan? and cuma tadi aku terbaca postings2 aku pasal relationship... way back in 2008.. and how people change a few years later sedangkan aku masih yang sama.