mixed feelings

i am supposed to do stuff but putting them aside for awhile for me to release my mixed feelings. was talking to lisa this morning that my diving buddies are leaving me for Bali next week. hmmmm... honestly, i don't really know what i am feeling right now. i want to go but i don't want to go. my thoughts are with my kids. if i go means, i will be leaving my kids for 5 7 days which i know i will be missing them and the guilt of leaving them so long for leisure. to bring them along is a bit costly for me and we will be travelling and diving a lot so, it makes no sense coz they will be left behind anyway at the resort/chalet. and another thing that stopped me is that our company will be having an event soon and i have been feeling the heat :) additional, my dad's birthday is on that weekend! so, yeah... okay... those justifies why i decided not to go :( although God knows how much i miss diving right now... and i miss diving with ally :( i guess i miss hanging out with her although i am not so much of a 'nice' person when i can be blunt... sorry ally... but you know i love you, right? :D heee :D whatever i said or done was because i care :D okeh... hmmm okay and now i have tears on my eyes...just great!!!