Sunday, December 9, 2012

i can do this...

written on: 6th dec 2012

hmm... how do i start this? i have already cried moments ago. if only i have a few copies of myself, it might help, so that i can divide them into a few portion :) i) work ii) for joelis iii) for kaiser iv) for my parents v) for me... but then again, it is all wishful thinking. not even realistic to think about it. i feel like i am running out of time... i am aging so fast and i feel like there are a lot of things more to do. i want to do more for the whole family.. planning for my kids etc... etc... who do i grow old with? let's take one step at a time.

i used to blog about how happy i am/was... my outings with joelis... my conversation with kaiser whom i called AD back then :p my troubles... in summary, my feelings - challenges - ups and downs... i should do that again... starting now? ;)

right now, i am in my not so down mode but more of a concern mode. when you read this, please do not judge any of us. because, personally you do not know any one of us :) so... but this is my feelings right now.

kaiser has a very strong character. he is like born in the years when my parents were born. not actually that old but the way he was brought up. people who have heard this from me, might say that i am giving him excuses for him to be how he is. let me get things straight, "i am not" but i am merely explaining on how i have understand him and accept him - not totally but some of his flaws. why? because i am the adult. his flaws are him being a stubborn donkey, and sarcastic. he jokes at all time but when people make a joke of him, he will get upset :p hahaha :D donggoi!! 

as his wife, i know in general that things that he does is for the family. he is a responsible husband and stepfather for joelis. strict? yes... flexible? difficult at times :/

the issue here is about the communication between him and joelis. kaiser and i are totally different in bringing up children. he is from the ancient [LOL] and i am more modern in communicating. he is from the authoritative world and i am not unless i need to be. 

joelis are growing up. i see the changes of character in them. 

joey is more quiet simply because he doesn't talk much, especially not about nonsense of things that he is not interested in. his world is the internet - 9gag - minecraft..etc... which i am not that worried because i trust he will not do such things that is not right for his age. once in a while i would steal his time and take him away from his laptop :) 

lisa can be quiet and can be cheerful. she can be moody, cranky and clumsy. but she is being the eldest and  she has been a responsible daughter and caring loving sister to joey. at times she can be stubborn too. 
so where is the issue? 
the issue is when they have misunderstanding, i will be caught in the middle. 3 of them are stubborn in their own ways. most of the time, i will try to talk senses into them, in separate times. but how long do i need to do this? and 3 of them at times have different thinking about each other. 

kaiser felt that joelis hate him... and guess what?? there could be truth in it which i just learned last week? how do you think i feel? someone that i love is being hated by another person that i love too? 

each time they have a confrontation, i try to explain... and it wasn't an easy job. i guess it is eating me up. i am just exhausted to be the middle person. **double sigh**

we are going off for a holiday soon which i am looking forward too. one thing about kaiser, no matter how busy he is, he would still think of going for a holiday with us, as a family. doesn't that shows how much he cares for the family? at times i would test him quietly, and he passed my own private test on him. 

i really hope that we will have a great time for our holiday. Ya Allah... please help me... i pray for their calmness with each other :) and with the trip, we will be closer as a family. ameen...