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masih kah ada ramadhan

aku tertengok cerita ni baru kejap tadi. mata dah layu sebenarnya. badan letih sangat. tapi sebab dah tertengok, dan bila ada eman manan, terus sambung tengok sampai habis. tak lah faham sangat sebab tengok pun dapat 45 minit terakhir. terus bercucuran air mata aku. aku sedih bila mak dia sedih. terus aku teringat dekat mama... mama aku bukan jauh pun. the advantage of staying nearby. sekarang kami semua adik beradik dah tinggal berdekatan. dulu aku satu taman dengan mama & ayah. kemudian, pelan2 aku makin jauh. aku pun tak sedar macamana boleh jadi macam tu. agaknya nak something new kut dari segi housing area. kakak aku yang sulong, dari usj, dia beli rumah dekat bkt wangsa mas, pun dekat jugak dengan mama & ayah. dia banyak duit, as in banyak extra.. so boleh la beli rumah berbijik2 :p 

aku? beli pastu dapat untung sket, jual dan beli lain, dan sebahagian aku laburkan tempat lain. antara lain, aku teringin nak bagi duit sekepuk kat mama & ayah. sekarang mungkin aku belum boleh bagi bulan2 tapi so far alhamdulillah, aku dapat bagi sekepuk dalam 2 kali setahun. atau paling tidak pun aku teringin nak provide semua untuk mama & ayah. 

aku tak tau kenapa tapi lately aku ni sensitive sangat. cepat betul nak ternangis. dah la kalau director2 ni, bila nak raya jer, semua keluar cerita2 sedih.. apa lah salahnya direct cerita yang happy2? agak2 orang melayu ni asyik suka nangis je ke? *sigh*

aku sekarang ni kerap pikir, apa aku nak buat kalau mama & ayah dah tak de lagi... tiap kali aku balik kerja, aku tengok muka mama letih jer balik kerja. kadang2 dia marah2 ayah. aku kesian dekat ayah. ayah aku dah  73 tahun tapi dia masih sihat, alhamdulillah. cuma boleh nampak lah ayah aku dah berusia. aku jadi sedih. aku tengok kulit ayah dah kedut2 banyak... lengan ayah makin kurus. tapi ayah aku masih ceria :) kadang bila ayah kena marah dengan mama, ayah kecik hati. tapi aku faham jugak kalau mama marah2 tu sebab mama letih. 

sekarang kalau aku balik kerja, aku nak spend time dengan mama & ayah... cuma ye lah, aku ada family aku sendiri. joelis kena balik awal sebab sekolah pagi. rumah aku ada rules, by 930pm dah kena masuk bilik masing2. tidur atau tidak, perkara kedua. ada laki lagi. tapi sebenarnya aku tak puas. tak puas spend time dengan mama & ayah. aku rasa mama & ayah dah buat macam2 untuk anak2 dia. walaupun setiap orang anak dia berbeza, mama & ayah, try jugak fulfill. 

last weekend aku marah dekat mama sebab lambat datang rumah aku. aku bentak2 sendiri. anak2 aku terdiam sebab memang aku tengah marah sangat dengan mama aku. cuma at that time, aku rasa, kalau mama busy, it's okay... aku boleh jer ambik teksi sebab kereta aku kat workshop. and aku tak mau pakai kereta kaiser. malas.. nanti apa2 yang tak kena, jadi pasal.

bila aku nampak mama drive kenari tu naik bukit ... aku terus rasa bersalah.. sebab marah2, walaupun mama tak tau aku marah2. dia tengok kitorang yang dah tunggu tepi jalan tu, dia senyum jer. rupanya mama belum rehat lepas balik dari cafe. terus datang sebab nak hantar kereta pada aku... :"( ain minta maaf ma... ain hilang sabar. 

bila berakhir cerita tadi, narrator tu cakap...
kasih ibu bawa ke syurga, kasih ayah sepanjang jalan
i love you so much mama & ayah... so much that i cannot describe... 
Your Way To Financial Freedom

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