tonight after many days of not writing, being pulled to write about falling in love. i remembered when i was a teenager... i had crushes.. on celebrities.. and because i was from girls' school, i do not have the chance to meet up with boys... and the only boys that i met would be the ones in the same school bus with me. i remembered the times when i felt the excitement and looking forward to go to school because i had feelings for someone. it just made me keep going... felt floating and happy...
and now when i have a little girl.. well...urmmm she's 14 now.. i kinda being a lil over protective about her. somehow, after a while, i have come to accept that teenagers will have to go through that feelings.. coz it is only natural to fall in love. not that i did not warn my girl, getting your heart broken is very painful. it is too painful for a 14 year old.. i remembered how it felt and it is making me so uncomfortable. it hurt my chest when i cried till i cant breathe.. i didnt like that feeling :( but somehow, i know, my lil girl will go through that process some day... and the day was today... and as much as i wanted my mom to understand me last time.. i will be there for my lil girl... she will pretend that she's tough.. and i know that when she started to be hard on people who is close to her.. it hurts her so bad inside. this is another reason why i didnt want her to fall in love so soon... but then again, feelings come naturally.
my guess it started when i decided to send her to the course last weekend.. somehow, i have a lil bit of regret. not that i don't want her to learn more about islam, but i hate it when children are being threatened in the name of religion. for me, it is okay to have the feelings... it is natural for a normal human being... as long as you take care of yourself, and control your behavior.. do not go over the limit.. thats all... *sigh*
the +ve side of it.... she has less distraction, i hope when it comes to boys... hmmmm :( i hate to see her cry... and sad... :((