Allah swt gave me a 2nd chance

honestly aku nak buat this posting, jantung aku laju jer berdebar2. simply because i have to remember every second how it happened. memang satu peristiwa yang sangat menakutkan tapi sebagai hamba Allah, aku redha and aku rasa kalau it happen to you all pun tak de apa yang korang boleh buat. saat itu memang Allah je yang boleh tolong, tak de lain but Him. 

aku toleh ke kiri aku, i saw DM Lee who has always been close to my side in all my dives in maldives... aku hulur tangan kiri aku... and he, who is always alert, saw me just at the right time. [continuation from Tragedy 28 Jan 2019]

illustration: air sharing underwater

i gave him the sign of  'out of air' and memang sepantas kilat DM Lee dah kat depan muka aku, and i showed him my gauge, he looked at it and although he was shocked, he acted fast. he gave me his  alternate octopus and i just let him do what is needed to be done although at that point of time, i have already given my fate to Him. we looked at each other's eyes, saw him giving the signal, "breathe" and i shook my head coz i felt there is no more air for me to breathe in. i tried... but to no avail... aku dah rasa seluruh badan aku dah lembik, lemah, memang tak berdaya dah... and that was the time, i felt i was already swallowing lots of sea water.. until i came to a point, thank you DM Lee, i know you tried to help me.. but, this is it... while i can still remember what to do, and is aware of what is going on...

asyhadualla ilaa haillallah wa asyhaduanna muhammadarasulallah

the last that i remembered was, i looked at DM Lee's eyes until i blacked out. i can hear myself reciting the syahadah over and over again. it would be easier if you can listen to me telling you my experience, and i am trying my best to share my experience in writing. i don't know what happened to me by that time. what i know i saw the light. the light that is always shown in the movie when someone dies. and at the same time, i have all these flashes of thoughts and questions coming to me. 

DM Lee on the left & DM Pino on the right when i was no longer breathing

is that the light that people were talking about when they die?

am i supposed to go to the light?

what if i am not ready to die, and i don't want to go to the light?   but at this point of time, i felt i was brought up towards the light. 

this 8 seconds video taken by TK while they try to rescue me

as it gets closer, suddenly i was in another place. an area that is brightened by the sunlight, but i know i was still underwater. and on my left there were colorful flowers, but soft colors, more of pastel flowers but blurry. again, i was talking to myself...

Ya Allah... where am i? is this how death is supposed to be? 

Ya Allah.. syukur aku masih ingat untuk mengucap...

Eh... aku ni banyak dosa.. Ya Allah... cukup kah aku mintak ampun dengan Allah sebelum ni? maybe if aku mintak ampun sekarang Allah masih boleh terima? 

no matter how hard i tried to hope that it was a dream more of a nightmare, i know it was not. i know it was real and i felt so helpless. and dalam aku mengingati dosa2 aku...

Astaghfirullahalazeemm.. Astaghfirullahalazeemm..  Astaghfirullahalazeemm.. Astaghfirullahalazeemm.. 

and after that moment, only those words that i can hear me reciting, over and over again.. while i was still thinking what to do and what is going on...and in my thoughts while istighfar, 

Ya Allah, please, what is going on? what do i do?

and all of a sudden i felt thumping or pounding sound on my chest. and i can hear the sound of the sea? sound of boats engine, sound of people's voices.. noises.. and that was when i thought

maybe if i recite louder, they can hear me? and so i did, 

Astaghfirullahalazeemm! and i waited... no response.. why can't anyone hear me? 

Astaghfirullahalazeemm! i shouted louder than before. and i waited... no response.. but at this point of time, i recognise the voice that i hear... it was DM Pino's voice. 

Please... please Allah, help me.. let him hear me.. i am here.. i can hear you Pino.. 

Astaghfirullahalazeemm! i shouted louder than the second time.

Astaghfirullahalazeemm! yes!! she is breathing!! i heard Pino's voice repeating what i recited!!

and that was the time, i opened my eyes. i can see the blue sky. i heard Pino saying,

breathe ain, breathe!!

i coughed, still gasping for air, and like when someone just being revived, i coughed out a pool of blood! i was so scared. lots of blood coming out from my mouth. i was still on the surface. no bcd on me. i looked on my left and saw my bcd & tank floating on the surface of the ocean. at the same time, DM Pino was waving intensely for help and shouting for help from the nearest boat - whoever that is near us at that time while the other hand he was holding me. and telling me over and over again,

breathe ain, breathe!!

i was coughing and more blood coming out... i was so scared and don't know if i can survive this ordeal... then a small boat came to us with a confused looking guy coming towards us, and i felt him pulling me up onto his boat. 

help her! please help her. ain, push yourself up ain.

i was pulled up and as i leaned on the side of the boat, i coughed again, and the was more blood came out and splattered in the boat. and i felt like a fish who is being pulled out of the ocean and trying to gasp for air for me to breathe. i coughed again and i felt like i am so full of water and i just needed to coughed it all out. it tasted like blood. my throat tasted like blood. 

i was told that this was how DM Pino brought me to the surface before he did CPR on me

to be continued: The Emergency Evacuation [coming soon]

Note: I am writing this to share my experience and to educate people who takes certain body condition lightly or more of, 'its nothing' or 'it was just flu & cough'. towards the end of these episodes, i will share with you my findings on why this happened to me. for your info, i always ensure that i am clear from flu or cough or fever prior to any dives. i was in a good health condition before my dive trip, although i had a prolonged cough, flu & slight fever 3 weeks before this trip.