Sebak

i am at this juncture that i am feeling 'sebak' and aku pun tak tau macamana nak keluarkan rasa tu dari dalam diri aku. see, and i don't even know how or where to start, tapi aku rasa kecewa sangat. it sounds so drama, i know. i am not going to get into details or even general sangat. i am talking about me. tapi aku rasa macam aku dah make it clear what is expected in a relationship. 

there are so many reasons for a relationship to fail. kalau betul2 tak de chemistry, the relationship did not start pun at the first place. the most saddest thing to happen is when it fails disebabkan oleh surrounding yang sememangnya tak de kena mengena pun dengan you as a couple.

surrounding or orang2 sekeliling yang sebenarnya tak penting dalam hidup you and your partner, and yet, you let those, i don't know what to call it at the moment but yeah... those yang sepatutnya tak de kaitan dalam hidup you, affect the harmony of your relationship. berbaloi ke?

sekarang ni memang aku sedih aku sebak etc etc... aku tak boleh nak tukar sejarah, in fact aku rasa it is fair to say sebenarnya tak de siapa boleh tukar sejarah. kalau tak, tak de la wujudnya phrase, in a relationship, "i take you today and tomorrow on wards".

entah lah, aku rasa macam nak nangis tapi it is too sad that i cannot even cry. tangan aku seram sejuk, aku jadi trembling and sedih. for some people boleh je tido when issues aren't resolved, tapi bukan aku. 

ahh serabut lah. and i thought, i didn't have to go through this kind of unnecessary misery anymore in my life. 

sekarang ni jugak kepala aku rasa berdenyut2, and dada aku so tight. 😓