shitty

ein is feeling shitty again. and as usual when i get this feeling, i could not sleep. was in and out my room last night till around 2am. my mom was still having her body massage in the family room. i wanted to cry but.. i controlled myself.. :( aaahhhhh i told myself... i have other better things to think of. get rid of it from my mind... now!!! went downstairs, had my portion of xango... :D hehehe... somehow, it has relieved me from all those mixed feelings that i had and put me to sleep..

and right now... i am already keeping tears in my eyes!! shit... shit and shit... :( i was still working late last night.. and while i was working, lisa smsed me good night... and automatically i sent to her.. 'love you more than the whole world sweethearts. i promise i wont let anyone hurt both of you, okay. :*' and i became emotional again... i knew AD saw the changes on my face last night. and he knew what he said has affected me so much. and i hate it... and what he said affected me still till today... my chest hurts... and i just needed to let it out..

get rid of the shittyness and think of other nice things. other things that makes me happy, busy.. aarrgghhhh i just wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!