now its my turn!

i had the worst traffic experience today - ever! normally from my office, it takes only about 20 minutes at most to AD's place, but today, it took me more than 1 hour to drive to his place! s%#t! i swear that i was really really pissed, annoyed, angry, tired and getting bored to death in my car for the very first time! i dont usually get bored in my car, okay... but today i dont know why?! well, yesterday actually... now its already 2.58am on the 24th may 2008. duhhh....

as i was stuck in the jam, my head started to think. OMG, i am doing too much things right now. until i do not have enough time for myself? goshh... i have been missing doing things that i used to do. and yeahh i missed it. i miss the times when i can go karaoke anytime with AS. or even a simple teh tarik session with SA, james... etc... and i was asking myself today - why??? why am i doing these???

i managed to go out tonight with AD, SA and SA's friend. well, i sort of planned this with AD and SA. its like, we've been wanting to go out and chill but when the time comes, AD and i will get too tired and lazy to go out. maybe because on friday we have the online training and sometimes, AD will be the speaker. and today, we actually went out and dance!! feel a bit awkward and funny... and as SA said, body movements out of rhythm... LOL... :P but i still had a great time... dancing and looking at a few friends of AD dancing... and wow... they were really good!! i wish i can dance like that! my fav couple that i enjoyed watching tonight was a couple of a brother and sister. and if AD did not tell me that they are bro and sis, i would have thought that they are a 'couple' :) i like the way they move... both of them!

to tell the truth, actually i wanted to write about something else tonight... heheheh :D but... yeah as usual, i will be off track! :P maybe there are other things that are more interesting to write about than my boring complaints about joelis' dad. hah!!! there you go.... it is out of my chest! finally... yeup... i am so tired of his i dont know what attitude... 'dont care' attitude??? and i am tired of listening to him, telling me (on the phone of course) that he actually 'want' to give joelis' alimony... but.. where??? and now i realize why i am doing all these... all these odd jobs... simply because i need the extra income to live... joelis and i... am i not tired??? OF COURSE!!! in fact, that was the topic that i was talking to AD about tonight after the night out. i dont like to tell all this to AD coz i think he doesnt need to know so much about my errmmm... not problems but challenges in bringing up my little joelis.

let me try to list down a few things that i do... i have a full time job, i am doing the magnificent - incredible xango business, i am managing a homestay/guesthouse for visitors/expatriates and another business that i share with a partner and at the same time, i am a mother and father to my 2 beautiful kids!! as what i have mentioned to AS just now... i am not only a super mom here... i am already a combination of super woman and cat woman now! LOL.... and.... i think / believe i deserve some time on my own, right???

and why am i doing all these??? because, joelis' dad has not been giving joelis' alimony since feb 2007!!! get it??? and you know what, all these while, i have been secretive about this.. why? simply because i dont want to be read as someone who is bad mouthing others... but, you know what..? i dont care anymore... coz, i know he just doesnt care about joelis!! why doesnt he call if joelis do not call him first?? doesnt he miss his children at all??? or, who is stopping him from doing all the 'kebajikan' for his own flesh and blood?? i dont think i need to answer this question... you can guess for yourself... someone who announce to the whole world about her fairy tale love story by hurting 2 little hearts.... and you know who you are. sesungguhnya Allah swt itu maha kuasa... and your turn will come, insyaAllah

*sigh*... okay... take a deep breath ein... :)

and tomorrow errr today... hehehe :D, i am taking my little joelis for a little treat, for the extra rezeki that was given to me - alhamdulillah :)

joelis, as i have always tell you... i will do whatever that i can to make you both happy :) :* i love you both... very much! and ein needs her beauty sleep now :P signing out at 3.32am

and AD, i love you for loving me ~ although... yeahh... you nag a lot ;P hee hee :D and thank you very much for the 'family time' with joelis and i