maafkan aku

sebelum aku mula apa2, aku minta maaf dulu, kut kut lah apa2 yang akan aku tulis (taip :P) ni nanti ada yang menggores perasaan sesiapa. jadi... aku... maafkan kamu... ehh silap.. ternyanyi lagi jamal abdillah pulak :p hehe sabor sabor... bulan poser ni... aku terpanggil jugak nak menaip pasal ni sebab aku tengah serabut.. banyak issue berbangkit sekarang ni.. yang mostly tak boleh nak cerita kat sini. ye lah, memang lah blog ni aku punya, and it is like i can write about anything but then again, for some, they can .. urmm.. ahh tak yah cakap lah... mungkin in the next few paragraph i will be jumping topics, sorry lah ye.. sebab sekarang otak aku tengah macam tu... selamat membaca je lah...

aku paling kureng gemar bila sesetengah pihak tu baru je start pakai tudung, dah macam bagus.. pakai tudung ya, belum properly menutup aurat lagi.. coz there are perbezaan antara pakai tudung dengan menutup aurat. if i were to detailed it here, you readers might say, if i know so much why don't i do it? my answer would be, if you know what is in my heart right now, you would better SHUT UP :) because He knows what is in my heart right now and i am only talking to Him. so those yang berkata2 tu, bukankah anda dulu pun tidak menutup aurat? atau, how sure are you that your action now is perfect ie benar2 menutup aurat... pakai tudung sehingga menutup bahagian dada, walau dimana pun masih menutup aurat, tidak lagi pakai tshirt lengan pendek tetapi masih bertudung... ermmm dan etc etc... seperti biasa, kita akan nampak kekhilafan orang lain, diri sendiri? :( give other people a chance.. 

aku dapat jugak komen2, kadang2 orang berkata2 bila aku bertudung, my style kebiasaan nya aku akan bertudung betul.. ie no more selendang unless emergency, tak de tudung  :p hehehe and sekarang bila lisa dah start menutup aurat, aku tambah lagi ilmu, tutup lah sehingga paras dada... ha gitu :) komen2 orang tu kadang2 aku boleh terima, and kadang2 hendak je aku cakap, "boleh tak cermin muka awak tu dulu sebelum memberi komen sedemikian".

i also remembered during the kuliah agama i attended yesterday, taught by ustaz zul ramly. "kalau seseorang itu semakin dekat hatinya dengan Allah swt, dia akan lebih baik hubungannya sesama manusia" :) which makes me smile... because rata2 cuba tengok sekeliling kita sendiri.. baru improve sikit, cakap dah berdegar2... tajam je menusuk kalbu orang lain. sebelum kita berjaya, bukan kah kita juga pernah berada di bawah? 

so anyway, the point is, in my point of view.. every one in this world has their phases.. i don't know about you because i don't know you.. but to make it easier, i will talk about me. :) fair enough.. because, no one knows me, but myself. i learn new things every day and in my heart i wish to be the perfect Muslimah, which obviously, i am not at present. but as a person, sometimes i became like a new convert. why do i say that? because i want answers.. i want to be able to do something, that is with His instruction and at the same time i want to understand, why do we do that. to most of those who are born Muslim, they take it for granted. 

i often asked myself, when did i learn how to take wudhu' (abulation)... :) and were there any refreshment course? hmm jangan ingat diving je ada refreshment course.. cuma bezanya, pergi diving mungkin 2 kali setahun, and ambil wudhu untuk solat adalah sekurang2nya 5 kali sehari. and i think those classes was when i was in primary school. and along the way, i pick up some new things that i read, but somehow, the feeling of content was not there. the same as solat... i want to be able to truly feel the solat... i am not saying that i dont feel it, but honestly, most of the time i would want to be better... to have it deep in my heart to be felt talking / communicating with Allah swt..  

taking about phases, this, makes me talk to myself.. when i see people/ or friends around me, why they behave such a way.. i was there... so, i guess i understand their behavior? kalau cakap pasal the way i dressed up lah.. semalam or was it pagi tadi, baru cerita dengan JoeLis i used to like wearing clothes like a boy.. haa.. these are my phases
  • 7yrs old - 12yrs old - dresses sebab mama yang arrange...tak pandai nak mintak2 lagi. selalunya akan sama dengan my elder sister cuma berlainan warna :p hehehe
  • 13yrs old - 15yrs old - slacks and shirt, macam lelaki.. sampai ada pakcik kat kg ingat aku lelaki and nak belanja seekor lembu for my upacara bersunat, boley? :P
  • 16yrs old - 18yrs old - jeans and tshirt.. most of the time, i think... 
  • early 20s - short skirt to work - tengah darah muda :P
  • early 30s - still maintain short skirt but more to suits... kunun dah mature sket lah... but to mata orang masih sexy :P and i started to take up gym classes, so i tend to bergaya lebih kut :p hahaha
  • late 30s till now - mixed of office wear and starting to buy long dresses, walaupun kena tegur dengan kaiser.. tapi aku pekakkan telinga sikit... in order for not to mengecewakan kaiser, aku beli dresses yang masih sexy didepan mata dia. ye lah.. suami aku kan... depan mata dia kena la sexy.. 

adalah lebih mudah utk berkata2 when you are not in that situation
so, do not judge a person as you don't know what he/she has gone thru in life
so, ke mana arah ceritanya posting aku hari ni sebenarnya? entah... aku pun tak tau, tapi korang layan je lah baca ehh.. :P and adalah seorang hamba Allah ni seolah2 menyalahkan penghijrahan dia yg menyebabkan kesukaran orang mengambil dia bekerja (in her world of work) which to me, ramai lagi orang2 yang telah berhijrah, okay jer... tak de masalah apa2 pun... murah je rezeki Allah swt bagi.. but in short, in my opinion, dia memang agak celupar... dulu aku pernah kasihan kat dia tapi sekarang, tak lagi kut... and the truth is, at times, memang betul, kurangkan bercakap lebih bagus.. sebab kalau terlebih banyak cakap ni nanti, lain yang keluar... :) 

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Comments

Violet Grace said…
Awwwhh I feel you... Insya-Allah when your heart is at the right place, it will lead you to the right direction... Although part of me dah mula berhijrah but I know, there's still a lot to improve... Thanks for the reminder K.Ain... (((hugs)))
Queen of hearts said…
OMG! I so agree with you. Hahaha! I've friends like that too. Masa muda party bagai nak rak but now dah bertudung lain cerita. She told me that now she solat 5 times a day and solat sunat sekali. I just smiled and say Alhamdulillah. Of course I'm very happy for her. It's a good thing. But I don't need to tell her that yeah I pray too. I don't need to justify sebab the reason I solat pun bukan untuk menunjuk. You know, whenever I go out and solat in surau, I noticed women looked at me. Yeah I wear sleeveless or tight t-shirt with jeans tak bertudung but that doesn't mean orang tak pakai tudung tak solat. Recently at R&R north south highway, a lady in purdah pandang sampai dia pusing 360 tengok my sister and I walked towards the surau. LOL! Maybe she thought we sesat jalan kot.

And just like you, I feel like new muslim convert too. *high five* I read and undertand the religion better now. I get info from books, Quran translation, internet, etc. But info from internet I double confirm with my ustazah just to be sure.
Back in school, I asyik kena marah dgn ustazah, terus putus semangat nak belajar. My father would make us pray berjemaah. But bila he reminds me to pray I masuk bilik, tutup pintu wait for 5 mins, basah rambut sikit before getting out of my room. So jahat kan? But now I understand, time to repent. HEEEHEE!

As for clothing, I wore like a boy too! *high five* Heck I still love wearing em jeans. Hahaha! When I was a lot younger my mom would buy kain ela and buat dresses sama with my sisters. Sungguh tak cool. In college, I wore short skirt with knee length socks. Muda tratangtang...waktu tu.Those were the days. Hahaha!

Eeer! I'm not ready to berhijrah yet. If I do wear one day (InsyaAllah), I'll still be wearing my jeans, tshirt or sleeveless but I'll wear tudung and throw on an abaya on top before leaving the house. (sorry long comment pulak)
Ein said…
thanks ladies for the messages :) in short, most people [me too at times :(] it is much easier to judge other people then judging ourselves.

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