laughter that transformed into tears

i was feeling a bit weird yesterday. work loads at the office was, i dont know what to say anymore. some of my key goals are not achieved. i am not happy with myself but somehow i felt just simply happy yesterday. maybe because i have arranged things to be done between myself, joelis, and business. so, as long as everything is in place, i am okay. lisa has been asking for a new top for her to wear to her class party.

in my head (not according to priority):

• joelis' final exam next week.
• lisa's request to buy a new top.
• joelis request to go for a holiday with my parents which i could not decide yet.
• tenant at the guesthouse.
• my business.
• monthly commitment.
• my gf's wedding - what to wear... hehehe :D
• my gf's hen's night - o'uh... my very first... err... what is this laa...
• AD's bday coming
• my life

i had everything arranged in my brain compartment. i know there is something that i am sad about. i just kept it in me... well that's me... until when the right time comes, it'll burst. and it happened last night. after all the cheerful me during the day. i wanted to rush back after office to settle a few stuff for the guesthouse, but work chained me again. am i happy working lately? yes and no... but i am still here. so, no complaints, okay.

i got to the cafe and ordered food for AD and i. and when i got to his place. we were just talking about our day.. his business has been going up very well! my work has been hectic at the office. and i told her about lisa's request. and i told AD that joelis have been very sweet and the most understanding kids that i know... bonus coz their are mine :) they seldom request for things... and when lisa made the request few weeks back, i just cant say 'no' although i have my 'constraints' and as i was talking to AD, i just cried... :``( i could not stop it... and i felt ashamed with AD, when i know i shouldn't. he's the closest person to me right now.. i should be talking to him. but i was too embarrassed. *sigh*

and now i know, old folks said, if you are too happy... you will end up crying... ?? huh??? or i guess, the strong mommy has collapsed yesterday...