What friendship means to some...

i was watching a tv series one morning, titled 'a good doctor'. somehow i was lazying on my bed and switched on the tv. the case for this 1 particular patient reminds me of my own medical condition way back in Jan 2019. in the series, the patient had pulmonary edema just like what i was diagnosed with when i was rushed to the hospital. in my thought at that time, no wonder 1 of my friend's face looked worried (when he read the doctor's notes) when i thought there was nothing serious about me. anyway, in the series, that patient died the next day, she had difficulty of breathing, which i experienced that too, and had lots of fluid in her lungs. yep, similar. cuma her case due to her heart issue, but me, due to pneumonia and i dived. i was lucky that i get the treatment fast and alhamdulillah i survived the ordeal. 

okey, so, what has this got to do with the title of this posting?

well, like many others, i tend to think back all those friends that helped me through, when i was abroad, in difficulties. so i sent out text messages to thank some people. not that i have not thanked them before, but just wanted to say thanks again etc. 

somehow, 1 of the message i got was shocking when he shot me with all the accusations and just made me so blur and speechless. i was accused for saying him a hypocrite on my whatsapp status and maybe my ig stories (when i don't remember doing that, or maybe it was for someone else - dah kenapa dia yang terasa pulak??), not responding to a friend's request to meet up and making him wait for me to be free or ready but i did not get back to him. and he said that he forgave me for all those and 'plans not to continue the friendship'. i went... wow! errmm what did i miss here? and when i asked what i did wrong, he wrote back as though i do not appreciate friendship and for all that he has done for me there? err ikhlas ke tak ni sebenarnya? and when i said i did not remember certain things he said to the effect that 'when someone did bad things to others, they will not remember, but the person who receives it will remember' so yeah... 

for the record, i am having selective memory due to some traumatic incident that happened to me way back in 2005. it is not something that i enjoy but i am thankful for it coz it makes me a calmer person for not remembering certain events in my life. so, to avoid more commotion between me and him, i just told him 'it is ok, and i accept whatever that he says' although of course i felt sad or confused about the accusation. and since he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, the only logic thing that i did was deleting his name from my contact list. 

he assumed i wrote about him. why didn't he ask me? and the reason that i didn't want to see him is because at that time i was really busy at work, and yes since i and AH has become officially a couple, i wish not to see him berdua, tu jer. and if he was really sincere to help me with my health condition, why didn't he follow up with me? 

anyway, he did sent another message but i did not read the full message. i only read the summary on  the notification that he said he is sorry for being direct & something about frustration..etc.. 

for all of you reading this, i have no issue of people being direct to me - that is best. coz at times i do that too. but, tolong la jangan tuduh i macam2 without trying to understand, why? itu sebab on some of the quotes, treat people nicely because kita tak tau apa yang orang tu hadapi, the difficulties or loss or whatever, kan? 

and also, terlajak perahu boleh di undur, tapi terlajak kata2, buruk padahnya. you are off my radar totally. dalam pada aku kebingungan, all my last words to him was, 'it is ok, and i accept whatever you are saying' coz i want it to be a positive ending from my side walaupun masa tu agak sedih jugak lah.. not as sakit hati. 

New BMW i8 launched in Malaysia - written in 2018

dream car? i don't know. tapi aku cuma nak cerita, masa aku on the way to work this morning, i saw this car from my car rear mirror. aku nampak mata dia memang sexy and garang, (dah macam mata mischa pun ada 😛) and the car was orange in color. aku tengok hidung dia aku dah tau it is a Bimmer. yeup, i am a Bimmer lover. and somehow for the past year aku try untuk suka Merc, tapi nampak gayanya jiwa aku tetap ke arah Bimmer. 

so pagi tadi masa Bimmer tu kat belakang my Hareth, dia tak de pun highlight kat aku suruh ke tepi ke apa, tapi untuk aku sendiri mau ingat la kan. lagipun i need to let the car pass so that i can see the rear. aku memang suka tengok buntut keter. cara aku nak terpikat dengan kereta is to see its rear. 

so bila kereta tu passed by aku tengok plate number kunun nak find out siapa owner tapi memandangkan aku ni sekarang mudah lupa, sampai office dah tak ingat apa plate number kereta tu. tapi aku ingat nombor 118, so now i know why lah kan. 

aku pun berangan, bila aku dah berjaya dalam business aku nanti, aku nak lah kereta macam ni untuk attend convention ke atau big events. kalau meeting biasa aku lebih senang bawak my strong and my own version of sexy Hareth aku. cheywah... tak pe berangan tu kan free!

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Testimonials

Ayah turned 80

after

before

we had a mini celebration on the day itself which was on 12 Nov 2019, at Fish Manhattan Restaurant in Wangsa Walk Mall.

we always have makan2 or big party when we celebrate our birthdays. it is a good excuse to have a good gathering within the family members. when we get extra excited we tend to extend the invitation to our relatives as well. this year ayah turns 80 and earlier, of course we wanted a big party for ayah, spending extra together with the relatives and get a good musician to perform. however, along the way, i dont know whose idea it was but it was a brilliant idea that we just keep to Kalam Clan only - and of course exceptional for AH. as somehow or rather he has been accepted to be a Kalam Clan member, although still sort of unofficial. 😊 ihik... kira on probation lah ni. 

and actually most thanks to N1 for sponsoring the venue and main dish, N2 (that's me 😋) sponsored the t-shirts for N1 and parents while N3 and N4 together with Marissa & Kelly co-organised the games for Telematch. we stayed at Serinity at PD from 15 to 18 Nov 2019. but since AH just finished his course on the 15th, we went on the 16th, that is on saturday. the bungalow is huge. just nice for all of us actually except that for me, i shared the room with Idz's nanny, joey and AH slept at the AV room aka karaoke room. i sang till my voice became husky. i tell you, the songs list are from the 60s to 80s! lagu baru memang la tak de. tak pasal2 jugak joey sang lagu my way! 😂

cuaca memang panas kat PD so bila tengah panas, we lepak in the house, karaokeing or sleeping. bila dah petang baru we gathered at the play area in the house compound for the telematch. telematch was supposed to be on saturday but most of us end up sleeping, and ayah went fishing with imran, so we had to postpone to sunday morning. that saturday night N1 got herself confused with the menu - so the BBQ last2 tak jadi, end up jadi dinner biasa tapi sedap je. and malam tu jugak la we cut the cake. theme for the party was 'park rangers' ada jugak yang nak jadik power rangers, nasib baik idea tu kena cantas awal2... 😋

i am so glad that AH blends in well with the Kalam Clan, i hope he will remain like that or not, be better in the future, insyaAllah. nanti the next post aku akan cerita pasal the stay pulak - boleh buat review. oh by the way, we got attacked by monkeys on sunday tu. tengah kitorang syok2 relaks, monyet pun bergumbira kat dapur masuk through tingkap. 

click on the picture for video

so kitorang punya activities were eating, playing telematch,  karaoke, swimming at the pool and makan. on sunday petang tu we went to teluk kemang for tea, lepas tu N4 sibuk nak tengok sunset walaupun ditentang oleh mama sebab idriz is too young to be out during maghrib. hehehe tapi tak pe, kita doa yang baik2 je ye. 

sorry la posting ni berkecamuk sikit, sebab macam banyak nak cerita tapi time sangat limited - gitu. so i just cerita je lah yang mana teringat sebab macam excited and best. yang tak bestnya - ada post holiday syndrome. jadik lemau nak pi kerja, and start dah rindu kat AH. 

weekend yang penat tapi berbaloi

tak semua orang sanggup invest RM380 untuk attend 3 hari konvensyen. lagi2 orang2 yang tak faham and closed minded on certain business opportunities. tak semua akan faham sebab lain orang lain minatnya. tapi untuk aku, it was tiring yes, tapi cukup berbaloi. untuk input information yang we can use in expanding our business. and tak semua orang boleh berjaya sebab business ni memang memerlukan kesabaran and persistence, orang kata. the last aku join network marketing was few years back and aku penat. and this time aku join lagi coz kali ni aku happy sebab this company has helped N3 to reduce her weight since berbagai2 cara and pujuk rayu kitorang buat kat N3 tapi tak berjaya and to add, aku rasa compensation plan dia lebih menarik and cepat and commission rate yang tinggi. 

anyway, side track kejap, aku ada ghost reader yang rajin letak comments sebelum ni. before this aku layan tapi lama2 aku rasa mamat ni annoying giler siot. so sekarang aku set kan cuma orang yang ada account je boleh tulis comment kat blog aku. 

hmmm nak tulis lagi pun sekarang tak de mood.. korang layan je la gambar ni sikit. ada mood nanti aku tulis balik...

Lelakimu Yang Dulu

after tengok drama kamal adli dulu, aku tak de lagi tersangkut apa2 drama. terasa kosong jugak hidup aku. hahaha 😁 but somehow bila aku dok masuk youtube, asyik keluar je drama ni. after so many days, akhirnya aku pun terpanggil nak tengok. mula2 tu tengok nelydia berlakon macam tak berapa best. maybe sebab aku dah pernah tengok uqasha. patut aku tak leh compare tapi terrr compare jugak. sorry lah ye. but after a few episodes, dah boleh terima lah nelydia ni berlakon. less manja than uqasha but ok lah. and since dulu pernah kut sharnaaz berlakun dengan ayda jebat, aku dah tak de peluang nak tengok sharnaaz berlakon lagi. dah lama tak terjebak kan? tapi bab berpasangan memang sharnaaz real lah berlakon... kalau aku suami si nelydia tu, memang confirm jealous. 

aku tengok watak idlan aku jadi penat. ada ke orang macam tu. and owhh the sister si faiqa tuh pun macam tu. letih aku. tapi yang peliknya aku layan jugak kan. ini la penangan drama melayu. and another pelakon, redza rosli, somehow i felt like cara dia berlakon macam beriyer sangat and i think once upon a time ada orang compare dia dengan sharnaaz, but now when both of them are in the same drama, sharnaaz seems cooler. 

aku ni review drama ke pelakon drama sebenarnya? hehehe aku pun konpius... tak pe lah, kalau korang nak layan, boleh lagi search kat youtube tu. 

kisah pagi jumaat

saje je nak buat posting ni so that ada bahan untuk you all baca time lepak2.. heheh perasan macam ramai sangat readers aku kan. tak pe lah.. anyway, for now aku fikir aku dah kena redha dengan keadaan aku yang sebegini. so bila tiba hari jumaat somehow i sort of pakai leggings yang tak nampak sangat macam leggings and with a long top to cover my sexy butt.. hahaha #silajanganmuntah. 

entah macamana tetiba time ni la jugak ada fire drill kan? time malas nak berjumpa ramai orang. tapi nak buat camna kena la jugak keluar office. kaghang reported terbakor pulak. and biasa lah, kitorang ambik gambar time ramai2 tu. and ada je mulut puaka dok ngata muka aku tembam, nak ku cilikan je mulut tu tapi malas nak layan dah. today dia beruntung sebab aku tak de mood nak laser dia balik. there is a reason why she left the company. 

and today time petang, well tak lah petang sangat, dalam kul 3pm macam tu aku jalan pi family mart dekat dengan office ni untuk beli snacks, aku terserempak dengan WJ and aku tak de hati pun nak tegur dia. entahlah aku ni memang jenis macam tu kut, kalau dah kecik hati nak tunggu aku recover memang lambat. ikut pace aku sendiri. 

ni je .... hahahaha 🤣marah ke? 

what is Fibromyalgia Part II

Ultimate Duo

dr r gave me 2 types of medicines. yg satu tu so that i will sleep early and when i took it for the first 2 days, i slept like a baby from 930pm to 600am which is really good, cuma sakit badan masih ada. and i was told not to take any painkiller except the one she prescribe yang boleh makan malam. jenuh weh siang hari. 1st day tu ok lah coz i was on medical leave, at least lepas physio dapat tido tengahari tu, yang hari seterusnya.. adeh...

the 3rd day, i took my ageLoc R2 and ageLoc YSpan yang memang aku consume for the past month. alhamdulillah, the pain was manageable and tak stiff sangat. it didn't go completely but at least tak la rasa kejung and kejang sangat, and i feel ada tenaga for the whole day. so, for those yang ada issue vertigo, baru lepas surgery or patah tulang, kena stroke, and banyak lagi, boleh consume DuoPack which is ageLoc R2 and ageLoc YSpan coz it helps on the recovery process. For further explanation, nak senang buat appointment dengan i, and i can cerita dari a sampai z. Don't worry, all our products are listed in www.pdr.net, a website where referred to by doctors to ensure that the product is safe and effective. 

ageLoc R2

ageLoc Y Span

hari ke3, the ubat that puts me to sleep dah tak function bagaimana sepatutnya. and in the end aku layan drama sampai midnight baru dapat tido. and AH berlayar dah few days.. rindu nya... dah la tak dapat VC, dapat dengar suara je la normal calls. ihikkk.. 😆 itu je nak update sebenarnya sebab badan and joints masih sakit... petang ni tengah fikir nak buat physio ke idak... haishhh. yeah my physio is 3 times a week sepatutnya. dah buat 2 kali..

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what is Fibromyalgia

i have been taking painkillers for the past about 2 months. bila habis je pi clinic, habis je pi clinic. until aku rasa this is too much. takkan hidup aku nak bergantung dengan pain killers je. dah la aku ni tak rajin minum air. kesian kidney aku kena berkerja keras kan. takut ni sebenarnya. so akhirnya, dr t refer aku kat specialist kat pcmc. bukan apa, record aku dah berlapis2 kat pcmc tu, kalau aku pi hospital lain, jenuh pulak nak explain dari a sampai z kan... 

apa yang aku sebenarnya rasa? setiap joints aku ketat and sakit bila nak diluruskan. bila aku baring mengereng time tido, nak ubah position takes time sebab aku rasa seluruh badan aku kejang. for me to turun sujud sakit joints aku. bila pagi2 aku nak jijak kaki ke lantai tumit aku rasa tajam and i will be wearing my bedroom slippers. jari2 tangan aku sakit sampai nak genggam pun payah. 

so, bila sampai harinya untuk appointment, dr r pun tanya lah aku how i feel and how long i have been feeling all the pain. and she did some physical examination as well. for now,  she diagnosed me for having Fibromylagia. what is that?  in summary:

Fibromyalgia syndrome (or FMS) is a life-changing illness that causes pain in the entire body. Patients also frequently experience general exhaustion, and their run-down condition only worsens because it is difficult for them to get a good night's sleep. They may often have stiff muscles and frequent headaches. Besides these challenging physical symptoms, FMS also affects mental abilities by impairing memory and concentration. Although there is no known cure, there are some practical ways to reduce the severity of various symptoms.

and the symptoms are as shown below and the ones in ✓ yang memang aku kena for the past 2 months. 

Common Symptoms and Related Conditions

Many people with fibro -- also called fibromyalgia syndrome or FMS -- may have:

• Pain and tender points ✓
• Fatigue ✓
• Sleep problems ✓
• Concentration and memory problems, known as "fibro fog"
• Anxiety or depression 
• Morning stiffness ✓
• Numbness, and tingling in hands, arms, feet, and legs ✓
• Headaches ✓
• Irritable bowel syndrome
• Problems with urinating
• Painful menstrual cramps

So sekarang ni i am on medication and also physio treatment kat PCMC. and when dr r tanya if there is something bothering me or what have been bothering me, aku tak rasa benda tu critical sangat. but according to her, memang aku rasa tak ada apa2 tapi my subconscious mind is thinking and my brain is not resting in how it should be. 

so what is bothering me actually? since aku pun tak kenal korang yang baca, i would just write them all here according to how much i have been thinking about it, mana lah tahu mungkin ini boleh melegakan. 

1. the date of my wedding next year 😛 ye, aku tahu it is going to be next year tapi AH kata end of next year - gosh ini mengstresskan aku banget sih coz lambat nya ... huk hukk 😥. and selagi aku tak tahu exact date, susah aku nak buat plan coz to have a wedding bukan kerja overnight. banyak yang kena nak source out. 
2. my daughter feels someone else gives her more comfort than me - ok this really sucks and made me feel i am a hopeless mom walaupun aku dah buat sehabis baik untuk anak2 aku. aku tak perfect in fact no one is but... 
3. how do i go to my daughter's graduation when i don't feel like my daughter actually needs me to be there coz she has someone else whom she always consult with and be comfortable with?
4. the person whom my daughter has been talking to now is the person who took her dad away from her - and she forgives her just like that? yang ni meh aku bagi disclaimer, aku tak benci dia tetapi aku tak rasa she is a victim of circumstances yang dia cuba nak cerita kat anak2 aku. kemon la, that time you were 22 takkan ko tak boleh fikir apa yang sepatutnya ko buat bila ko tau lelaki yang ko date tu suami orang?? gosh this is so throwback and i hate it. it has been 15 years ago and i have put it behind me. tapi bila darah daging ko lebih percayakan orang lain selain daripada ibu dia sendiri - ko rasa?
5. the possibility of not having baby with AH - oh well.. rezeki tu Allah yang bagi..  and we have been to the doctor together and for us to have a baby memang high risk. so we both resort to, tak apa lah.. and AH ckp dia redha kalau ini takdir untuknya. memang aku sebak siot.. but.. maybe insyaallah rezeki aku dengan AH in the future is different.

for item (2) tu actually i have sort of find or try to find peace with myself and accepting it as a phase and i will just let my daughter do what she is most comfortable doing. but only Allah swt yang tahu betapa rindunya aku nak borak2 dengan anak aku macam dulu. alhamdulillah my son now is so mature that we can talk better than before. tuduhan N4 to what my action is lagi kejam, dia tak rasa lagi... tunggu la bila Idz dah besar esok, tak tau apa pulak Idz akan buat. as a mom memang la agaknya otak aku tak berhenti berfikir, kat mana salah aku? is it because i married kaiser? bukan kah itu jodoh namanya, and kalau aku tahu my marriage would get my children to suffer - demi Allah aku takkan kahwin time tu. 

during the consultation with dr r, she mentioned that, for this syndrome, 

• medication 30%, 
• physio 50% and 
• cognitive behavior treatment 20%

so, yeah... hendak tak nak, aku kena gak pi counseling, katanya. hmmm entah lah.. tapi sekarang ni aku dah start physio and off pain killer.. cuma boleh makan malam jer... sakitnya... lisa tanya jugak if i am ok macam pagi ni... tapi aku tak de hati nak update sebab aku kecik hati. kalau apa2 jadi pun at least joey tau. 😥

ye, every inch of my body sakit.. seriously 😭