30 Jan 2019: after all the experiences that i have got during my trip to maldives, tak bermakna i did not enjoy myself, kan. bila kita redha dengan ketentuanNya, we are more relaxed. lebih kurang gitu lah. i was discharged after 3 days, masa nak balik ke pulau tu, memang Hamey yang temankan aku sentiasa. he is such a nice guy. baik sangat and sangat perihatin. cuma bab komunikasi tu mencabar jugak lah, kan. habis bag2 aku semua dia nak carry, padahal aku rasa berat kut my knapsack tu.
masa mula2 nak naik boat ke pulau where the rest of our group nak berkumpul for BBQ tu aku cuak jugak. jantung aku dah debar2. ye lah, aku tengok air laut dah tak menenangkan macam dulu. aku masih trauma barangkali. infact sampai sekarang pun rasanya. aku masuk dalam boat tu aku tanya Hamey,
do they have life jacket?
yes, they have.
where are the life jackets?
there, at the front of the boat.
why so far? if anything happens, do we have time to get the life jackets?
can you swim?
yes, i can swim. but...
don't worry, i will not let you by yourself.
hmmm
memang acah sweet lah kan ayat tu, tapi aku masih gayat. and aku pun terus try tutup mata and mulut aku tak habis2 kumat kamit, berzikir apa2 yang patut.
alhamdulillah aku selamat sampai kat pulau tu. and during the time we arrived, the group tak sampai lagi. so hamey bawak la aku pusing2 kat pulau tu.. kitorang jalan kaki jer.. and the pasir pantai yang putih tu memang cantek. and air laut yang warna macam bertingkat2 tu tak payah cakap lah kan. berlapis2 warnanya.
hey i can see our boat from the shore!!
Hamey who took care of me through out my stay at the Maldives Hosp
DM Lee who helped me the 1st time i could not breathe
DM Pino who brought me up and did CPR on me and saved my life :)
by the time sun sets, kitorang dah dapat berkumpul ramai2. the preparation best.. i am sure the BBQ spread was marvelous but i did not really enjoy the food. al maklum baru lepas keluar hospital. but the sambutan by my divers friends sangat mengharukan. aku happy sangat dapat jumpa Lind balik, jumpa MR, TK and TN. looking as familiar faces - memang melegakan aku. walaupun aku tak banyak bercakap malam tu, tapi aku bersyukur aku masih boleh join the BBQ.
aku tak makan banyak pun... memang so not me to just look at the prawns.. rugi rasanya tapi aku kurang selera makan. aku seronok tengok telatah kawan2 aku tu jer. kalau tak tak kerana mengah, dah lama aku menari kut. hahaha 😂
the whole group :)
our original group from left: TK, MR, Lind, TN and I
i thought might as well i finish these episodes and really try to move on and i really need to get the trauma out of my system. well, for someone who actually 'died' for awhile, it was something scary to go through. and the thought of God giving you a 2nd chance. tak nak ke ko buat sehabis baik?
i was pulled up and as i leaned on the side of the boat, i coughed again, and the was more blood came out and splattered in the boat. and i felt like a fish who is being pulled out of the ocean and trying to gasp for air for me to breathe. i coughed again and i felt like i am so full of water and i just needed to coughed it all out. it tasted like blood. my throat tasted like blood.
dalam pada antara aku sedar tak sedar suddenly we were already nearby our dive boat. i was helped up on the dive boat and given oxygen by ST our group leader from malaysia. i was laid on top of the place where we normally sit or put our dive cameras. i was still coughing and i had short of breath. and one by one all my other diver friends came back on the boat. most of them didn't know what happened. and they didn't know how serious my condition was at that time. i checked all my buddies and i felt bad for making the dive trip short for them. i opened my eyes, i saw Lind was pumping the oxygen bag (or whatever you wanna name it) for me to breathe easier, i guess. uurgghh kenapa tiba2 kaki aku rasa ngilu nak cerita about all these? sorang2 aku cari.. is saw MR, TK.. but TN tak de... i got up and looked for him.. entah, i just felt like i wanna make sure everyone is there. and i saw TN was seated somewhere near the front of the boat, termenung.
we approached our big boat, and was brought to the front of the boat where i was given another oxygen for me to breathe easier. i still feel the blood in my throat was still coughing blood. at that point of time, i was really scared. i was scared that i cannot make it home. i don't know what is going on internally. coz i can taste in my throat that the blood was still there.
the speed boat going to the hospital.
first things first, i texted JoeLis, both of my kids. telling them what happened. and i forwarded the same message to AH. coz i know he will be worried. which i end up creating a group chat with N3 & N4 and Lind for them to get updates about me. i was rushed to the hospitals by a speed boat and was warded at the ER.
where i stayed for 3 days in Maldives.
when i first got on our big boat and after texting my kids and AH
to cut the story short, i had the experience brought to the hospital on a speed boat and the journey was about 1.5 hours.. memang time tu rasa macam kenapa lah tak sampai2. and i was not allowed to sleep. it was really dark in the middle of the ocean - and aku cuma pasrah je lah time tu. and i know AH time tu dah memang resah and non stop he texted Lind to ask of our location.
and so the xray came, i was diagnosed with pulmonary edema. you guys can read about it from the link i gave. every now and then doctor came and check. hospital dia agak pelik sikit lah.. ramai giler patients kat ER. and sini ubat2 kena beli sendiri dulu. dah macam dalam movie citer hindustan.
the 1st night tu Lind took care of me. kesian dia, she must be very tired. tak lupa jugak time tu jugak la TK nak marah2 aku.. sedih aku tapi malas lah nak citer kat sini. dia pun penat agaknya.. ye lah.. happy2 pergi dive trip lepas tu kena jaga orang sakit pulak. (tetiba mode emo pulak nak cerita kat sini), tapi memang time tu sedih kena marah. but anyway, appreciate sangat their help meng-advancekan dulu cash to pay up for the hospital bills. i took travel insurance cuma pay and claim. moral of the story, next time get a cashless base insurance ok.
gigil2 tangan aku lepas masuk antibiotic... kuat sangat kut ubat dia.
this is hamey. dia lah yang temankan aku sepanjang aku kat hospital.
the next day tu, Lind and TK dah kena balik ke boat besar. mula2 aku mintak Lind temankan lagi 1 malam tapi rasa tak fair jugak pada dia. dia datang maldives bayar mahal2, buang masa dok kat hospital pulak. nasib baik Hamey ada, he is one of our boat crew who followed us since the night i was brought to the hospital. yang tolong pegang and papah aku. honestly time tu aku dah tak berapa sedar siapa yang papah aku. aku tau ada tangan hulur kat aku, aku terus paut je..but again, thank you to all yang dah tolong aku and speed up the process. i am so thankful. hanya Allah swt yang dapat balas jasa korang.
the next day tu jugak aku video call Lisa. and she cried.. she was scared of losing me. well, siapa tak sedih and aku pun takut time tu if i can make it back to see my kids again. time ni la jugak aku fikir, macamana eh kalau anak2 aku jauh.. apa2 pun aku bersyukur, i am ok.. level infection makin kurang by the time masuk hari ke 3. aku kena kuat semangat sebab aku nak join BBQ diorang kat pulau tu.
i guess this is the end of the story yang sedih2, lepas ni masuk citer yang best and fun pulak ok ❤ i think i am gonna compile all the rest of the days on the big boat in 1 posting. tak larat dah nak cerita satu2.. nak tutup buku lama, buka buku baru, orang kata. and thank you jugak to all yang doakan keselamatan aku.
and yes after i came back from maldives, i went straight to PCMC and did follow up treatment and consultation. at PCMC the doctor explained that i had pulmonary hemorrhage which was why i could not breathe - i was actually flooded with my own blood. i also went to Hospital Angkatan Tentera coz kat situ ada chamber. i was advised against it - means tak perlu masuk chamber coz nak masuk chamber pun akan ada implication and my lungs was not healthy for that treatment. and persoalannya selepas ini, will i be able to dive again? i don't know, aku rindu nak dive tapi at the same time memang aku takut and masih trauma. and until today my lungs pun masih fragile and at times masih rasa susah nak nafas, hence i have not been exercising macam selalu.
mulut2 longkang yang rasa depa lebih pandai dari doctor, boleh la simpan pendapat korang sebab sebenarnya, setiap orang tu berbeza keupayaannya. aku rasa aku lah orang yang paling kuat nak lawan segala dugaan yang ada tapi walau hati kuat kalau sebenarnya keadaan fizikal tak mengizinkan, aku kena redha jugak. daripada sakit berpanjangan, baik aku berehat buat sementara waktu.
and jugak pada mulut2 longkang lain yang pandai2 tuduh kat boat tu diorang tak de emergency kit, jangan la korang memandai2. they have done their best to help me during the emergency evacuation. and alhamdulillah they are trained and efficient.
tapi lepas ni jangan marah aku pulak kalau ini jadi spoiler. memang la aku excited nak tengok citer ni. berangan nak tengok gold class sebab aku tahu movie ni panjang.. berbaloi kalau nak dok kat recliner chair tu for 3 hours kut. but due to time constraints, and limited place, terima je lah tengok kat aeonau2. masa mula2 book, tak sampai pun 10 orang kat panggung tu, tapi malam tadi bila pergi, dah penuh panggung dengan manusia.
aku keletihan sebenarnya. dengan tak berapa sihat lagi (korang mesti dah muak kan dengan aku yang tak berapa sihat ni) but anyway macam tu la kenyataan nya. jangan MrH bosan dengan keadaan aku sudah. tapi bukan selalu aku macam ni. just that it happens.. shit happens. aku rindu sangat kat MrH sebenarnya tapi kena lah terima kenyataan about long distance relationship ni. it is pretty expensive. but, i guess sometimes love needs sacrifice? cheywah... #tolongjanganmuntah. aku hargai his pengorbanan on time and energy untuk aku. ehh.. apsal aku terpesong ni? hahaha 😀 dah terdivert pulak arah tujuan.
ok lah, aku buat pengakuan. aku tertido beberapa kali during the first 1.5 hours of the movie. al maklum, penat balik kerja, had early dinner, makan ubat and pi zumba. balik zumba je, mandi terus pi movie. sampai joey tanya,
"mama nak pergi macam tu?"
"hah ye lah, dah siap ni."
"tapi rambut basah2 macam tu?"
"errr.. yeah.. tak leh ke?"
"perempuan memang macam tu ke? biasa eh keluar rambut basah? ke, mama nak pakai cap?"
"ermm.. i should wear cap la ni?
so aku terus sambar cap aku and joey nampak lebih tenang.. LOL 😄 and bila dia nampak aku pakai selipar...
"ma.. pakai selipar je?"
"errmm ye la.. tak de sape nak nampak pun comot2"
"ma, ramai la orang nanti"
"hemmm ok, dalam kereta mama ada kasut" so untuk menyenangkan hati joey, aku tukar la to my sneakers. nampak tak betapa joey menjaga keterampilan mama dia.. hehehe 😄 ok, back to avengers.
memandangkan aku tak berapa focus, tak leh la aku nak bagi review terlalu details. and memang superheros ramai gila. superheroes yang korang harap timbul balik, akan timbul balik. aku stress tengok thor perut boroi sebenarnya. and diorang nampak macam dah putus asa and macam tak berapa ada energy and confidence. fighting scenes memang dahsyat. aku terkejut gak kenapa tetiba captain marvel jadi the most powerful antara semua superheroes tu. sebab sebelum keluar movie captain marvel tu aku tak tau pun dia terrer.. 😄 anyway, memang akan ada superheroes yang mati. korang nak aku bagitau ke? errr.. korang tengok sendiri lah.
and macam biasa lepas movie, aku borak la dengan joey pasal movie tu. and kenapa some of the superheroes dimatikan watak diorang. sedih la jugak.. and macam, eh.. lepas ni dia dah tak de? haa gitu lah persoalan dalam kepala otak aku. so, explanation nya, contract diorang dah tamat jadi superheros.. hehehe bagi chance kat superheros baru & muda.. sedey weh tengok captain america aku dah tua... sob sob...and iron man dah... huk huk...
ha korang pi la layan avengers tu.. best.. aku kena tengok lagi sekali rasanya, cuma sakit pinggang la duduk for straight 3 hours.
how to make a vision board that works - law of attraction: i want to share something educational to all my readers today and the reason why i am saving this in my blog is so that i can watch it again. i have done my vision board many years ago and whether you want to believe it or not, some of the things that i put in my vision board - i have achieved. #alhamdulillah.
i don't know why but i have been thinking of creating another vision board for the past few days. and today when i browse through the internet, i find that some people creates their vision board on a yearly basis? uurmmm well, it is good so that you work on certain goals in life but if i were to do that, it will end up like an office KPI which i do not want it to be. i want my dreams to be achievable and having fun going through life without being stressful in achieving what i want in life.
so the above are a few examples of vision boards that i found online - which, not to my liking coz i feel that some are too cluttered, but i just want you to get some ideas about vision boards. what i have done before, i think... let me try to recall, i divided them into: spiritual, financial, professional, family. so i think i will do the same for the new one.
by the way guys/gals,"Creating your own vision board is considered the key to success. It is not enough to simply have a positive mental attitude. The secret to achieving your goals is to dream about positive, focused, and specific goals."
so you need to remember, create or visualize something that is achievable and work towards it. dreaming without action or working towards it won't do any help.
there is another thing to take note on. certain dreams that you have, might involve another party, or another person. question would be,
should you put that person/party in your vision board?
i have been thinking of this too. the thought of,
if you focus or dream about it hard enough, it will come true.
true at some point. but what if the dream is only 1 sided? wouldn't you feel frustrated later? so, think and decide what is best for you and also not for you to feel demotivated in looking forward to a better and prosperous life.
all the best! 😉 “Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is simply passing the time. Action with Vision is making a positive difference.” - Joel Barker
aku tak tau nak citer pasal keserabutan atau benda2 yang menyeronokkan aku. there are too many activities going around in my life lately. maybe i can do some excerpts of them? untuk you all yang dah rindukan my postings. errr rindu ke? ihik... 😛 kejap aku pikir apa yang membuatkan aku serabut. not really serabut lah cuma something new yang aku kena fikir.
sekarang ni since aku tak berapa nak sihat, tak la sakit cuma kena slow down aka lemau sikit until i am fully able to workout like i used to. so my side income pun agak slow. buat masa ni i have to share among 3 other instructors more. and i don't have my own portion. apa2 pun aku selalu fikir memang ada or akan ada hikmah di sebalik setiap perkara yang berlaku. aku tau kisah ni agak membosankan and dah drag for few months now. almost half a year kut. entah lah. agaknya Tuhan nak suruh aku fikir jugak something else that i can do for my side income other than zumba kut. bukan aku nak complain cuma sekadar share apa yang dalam kepala otak aku sekarang ni. sentiasa bersyukur supaya insyaallah ada je rezki akan datang.
semalam pun aku ada borak dgn MrH pasal my current financial situation. entahlah... actually we were talking about career kut - and then joey's scholarship.. tau2 dah my financial situation pun dia tahu. aku memang tak berapa selesa nak cerita hal2 my income ni. i prefer to keep it to myself coz orang akan senang mengjudge kita bila diorang tahu. either they judge or they take advantage. bukan lah aku nak cakap semua macam tu cuma, ye la, susah senang aku biar aku je yang tahu - ha, macam tu la style aku. cuma aku rasa bila orang dah betul2 kenal aku akan faham situasi aku. i will always try to provide the best for my kids. insyaallah, aku percaya Allah swt tu maha pemurah - rezki anak akan ada. walaupun sekarang ni memang nak senoneng kepala gak fikir.. hahaha 😀gelak je lah kan, nak buat macamana lagi.
hemmm... aku rasa aku dah lama tak buat vision board kan. aku pernah je berangan for lots of things in my life. semalam kut, time aku berfikir sorang2, agak2 ada tak angan2 aku sebelum2 ni yang memang tak terfikir akan tercapai (when i was thinking about it dulu) akan tercapai? aku rasa aku akan dapat... aku doa je lah kalau itu yang terbaik. why not kan? bukan ke kita tau Allah akan bagi hambaNya kalau itu adalah yang terbaik. and the timing is always right according to His timing and kesesuaian kita. so, what we can do, is Sabar and Doa - with some effort kalau itu yang betul2 kita nak. **sigh** dan aku berangan lagi.
thinking of career. aku ada borak dengan WMN semalam kat office. at the same time, right now i am trying to pujuk hati that this is terbaik untuk aku. is it too late? maybe not... maybe aku boleh lagi try untuk cuba capai apa yang aku rasa aku boleh buat. and i am talking to myself again.. and you, my readers.. hmmm maybe..
i can do this. i have not been really exercising except when i walk around in the office, which is not much at all. and i have not been really working except during office discussions and meeting simply because i felt down and not productive. wow.. 👀 what a confession - in the open! but that is what blogging is all about, right? for me to express and to let out my whatever feelings.
okay, enough about me at work. now let's get back to what i wanna actually share with you. it is my fitness journey. i really have to get out of this low self esteem thingy. i didn't want to meet people because i hate listening to them commenting about my rounded face. that is how it affected me so badly.
so yesterday, i started to join zumba class. i really need to get back on 'loving' zumba. yeah, need to get the mood kicks in. hey, i have an event to attend to shadow my ZIN friend next 2 weekends. so, it is true as AH says, i need to get back on track to increase my stamina. last night, after going up 2 floors to HCore Gym, i was panting. i slowed down and took a long breath before i actually went to the dance studio area. purposely came at 9pm so that i get to do only half an hour. pelan pelan kayuh orang kata - as i don't want to end up getting admitted in the hospital again for being over ambitious.
it was really fun. selalu tengok Zin AL zumba kat IG Zin KR jer.. sekali sekala kena join other ZINs for different flavor. i really enjoyed my half hour session last night. TQ so much Zin AL. and i like the movements sebab senang nak ikut and fun. and aku rasa by the time i get back in class i may forget most of the songs steps.
and the truth is also because i sort of signed up myself to be Zin Eva's shadow for KLZumbaMarathon 2019 in MAEPS on 20 Apr 2019 and i also gatal2 go and accept a job offer on 27 Apr 2019. so if i did not start mau pancit nanti. errkk.. macamana ye... but i am using it to motivate myself to go for classes before that date. for half hour session, i think... eh, i believe i can pull it off!
ada je yang bersuara pasal aku tak berexercise. kalau tak faham situasi aku, aku sarankan tak payah lah try nak jadi miss/mr you know everything. bikin aku panas telinga je. memang kalau anyone nak lose weight sebenarnya pemakanan 80% and exercise 20% or some says 70%, 30%. tak kisah la yang mana pun tapi hakikatnya memang pemakanan plays an important role.
kalau korang rajin, korang boleh keep track pakai fitness pal. it is not 100% accurate but it can be used as guideline on how to control certain food intake and you arrange your daily activities with working out. memang seronok kalau ko makan certain amount of food, and then bila ko exercise, ko boleh tengok how much you burn.
aku memang seorang yang pemakan, and alhamdulillah aku memang sentiasa active sejak zaman sekolah lagi. ha korang kira la lifestyle aku dah berpuluh tahun macam tu gayanya. and memang you can't deny as you age, agak slow untuk ko turunkan berat badan. same goes to me jugak. in fact sekarang ni memang aku dah sampai ke tahap danger zone. 66kg okeh! and it is so not funny. and bmi aku 25 which it is not at my comfort level at all. memang la pada some people, tak ketara sangat sebab aku tinggi and not so bad la kelihatannya except, aku terasa kat tummy, peha & arm. bab2 area assets, aku suka pulak, like my top and bottom.. tettt...
anyway, action kena ada, so yesterday (2nd Apr 2019) aku start dengan 1 product named, Dietmonsta sebab aku tengok food dia macam mengenyangkan tanpa having to eat so much. and aku pun terpengaruh dengan pelakon paskal tu, siapa nama dia.. errr Hairul Azreen eh? kikiki 😁 and i am trying no carbs for lunch and dinner. so, i started no carbs for dinner semalam and aku makan sebelum maghrib dengan N3. alhamdulillah aku kenyang sampai ke tengah malam or next morning. so today (3rd Apr 2019), i am going to have lunch with no carbs and dinner with no carbs. my breakfast was heavy with kuey tiow goreng bibik - terbaik lah!
so i took like 6 meals from Dietmonsta. and i will arrange it for 2 days in a row. next i want to try yang pasta dia pulak. macam yummy jer.. and i restart with my bizziboddy drink today. sekarang aku rasa lalok and pening kepala. maybe at the end of the week, i will weigh myself and see how much is my weight 👅
Drinking water is beneficial to your health, but the health benefits of drinking water first thing every morning are far-reaching. To understand why drinking water in the morning is important, let’s consider a simple analogy.
The human body can be likened to a complex machine that works non-stop every minute of every day until its engine (the heart) stops. If you have a fair idea of the way machines work, you’d know that such a machine would require regular oiling to keep its different moving parts, including the engine working optimally. Water is that oil that your body requires to keep the various parts in top shape.
Now, if you were to oil the machine in our analogy, when would you consider the best time to do regular oiling? Is it while the machine is very hot and working at full capacity? Obviously not! Most likely first thing in the morning just before the machine begins another round of work. So, in the same way, it makes a lot of sense to ‘oil’ your human machine pretty much the same way.
Although the analogy above is quite simplistic we’re sure you get the idea.
Why Drinking Water In The Morning Is Important
When you drink water immediately after waking up, you’re actually getting your body set to begin, or rather, continue with the day’s work. Keeping our interesting analogy in mind, let us consider how drinking water in the morning works for your body.
Rehydration: Your body never stops working, even while you are asleep. Your heart, for example, is still pumping blood through your veins, lost energy is being regained and hormonal balancing and other metabolic activities are ongoing, even though at a slower rate. These activities deplete the level of water in your system and drinking water in the morning provides the needed replenishment for your body cells and organs to utilize.
Detoxification: Another benefit derived from drinking water in the morning is that you provide your body with a good supply of fluid to flush out the toxic waste products of metabolism that occurred through the night. This cleansing process gets rid of harmful substances that could have disrupted the normal functioning of your body. For example, the hydrochloric acid that your stomach secretes while you are sleeping can lead to you having heartburn, but drinking water in the morning reduces the acid level in your body and spares you from the irritation of heartburn.
5 Health Benefits Of Drinking Water In The Morning
Improved Metabolism: Drinking water in the morning (especially cold water) helps to get your metabolism charged up and ready to go. As a result, you feel refreshed and are more active throughout the day.
Weight Control: When you drink water in the morning and follow it up with a healthy breakfast (preferably one with high fiber or protein) it helps you to stay full until lunch and makes you less likely to have unwanted cravings. This is desirable for maintaining a healthy body weight.
Healthier organs: Because you start them up the right way, brain, your skin and other organs of your body stay healthy and in good condition. Your brain, being made up mostly of water (75% by volume) gets the needed boost for optimal performance. Being well hydrated helps to cleanse your bloodstream of toxins and so gives your skin a natural glow.
Better Bowel Movement: Drinking water encourages bowel movement, cleanses your colon and prevents you from having constipation.
Disease prevention: Drinking water in the morning helps to prevent different kinds of ailments that are usually indirectly caused by dehydration.
honestly aku nak buat this posting, jantung aku laju jer berdebar2. simply because i have to remember every second how it happened. memang satu peristiwa yang sangat menakutkan tapi sebagai hamba Allah, aku redha and aku rasa kalau it happen to you all pun tak de apa yang korang boleh buat. saat itu memang Allah je yang boleh tolong, tak de lain but Him.
aku toleh ke kiri aku, i saw DM Lee who has always been close to my side in all my dives in maldives... aku hulur tangan kiri aku... and he, who is always alert, saw me just at the right time. [continuation from Tragedy 28 Jan 2019]
illustration: air sharing underwater
i gave him the sign of 'out of air' and memang sepantas kilat DM Lee dah kat depan muka aku, and i showed him my gauge, he looked at it and although he was shocked, he acted fast. he gave me his alternate octopus and i just let him do what is needed to be done although at that point of time, i have already given my fate to Him. we looked at each other's eyes, saw him giving the signal, "breathe" and i shook my head coz i felt there is no more air for me to breathe in. i tried... but to no avail... aku dah rasa seluruh badan aku dah lembik, lemah, memang tak berdaya dah... and that was the time, i felt i was already swallowing lots of sea water.. until i came to a point, thank you DM Lee, i know you tried to help me.. but,this is it... while i can still remember what to do, and is aware of what is going on...
asyhadualla ilaa haillallah wa asyhaduanna muhammadarasulallah
the last that i remembered was, i looked at DM Lee's eyes until i blacked out. i can hear myself reciting the syahadah over and over again. it would be easier if you can listen to me telling you my experience, and i am trying my best to share my experience in writing. i don't know what happened to me by that time. what i know i saw the light. the light that is always shown in the movie when someone dies. and at the same time, i have all these flashes of thoughts and questions coming to me.
DM Lee on the left & DM Pino on the right when i was no longer breathing
is that the light that people were talking about when they die?
am i supposed to go to the light?
what if i am not ready to die, and i don't want to go to the light? but at this point of time, i felt i was brought up towards the light.
this 8 seconds video taken by TK while they try to rescue me
as it gets closer, suddenly i was in another place. an area that is brightened by the sunlight, but i know i was still underwater. and on my left there were colorful flowers, but soft colors, more of pastel flowers but blurry. again, i was talking to myself...
Ya Allah... where am i? is this how death is supposed to be?
Ya Allah.. syukur aku masih ingat untuk mengucap...
Eh... aku ni banyak dosa.. Ya Allah... cukup kah aku mintak ampun dengan Allah sebelum ni? maybe if aku mintak ampun sekarang Allah masih boleh terima?
no matter how hard i tried to hope that it was a dream more of a nightmare, i know it was not. i know it was real and i felt so helpless. and dalam aku mengingati dosa2 aku...
and after that moment, only those words that i can hear me reciting, over and over again.. while i was still thinking what to do and what is going on...and in my thoughts while istighfar,
Ya Allah, please, what is going on? what do i do?
and all of a sudden i felt thumping or pounding sound on my chest. and i can hear the sound of the sea? sound of boats engine, sound of people's voices.. noises.. and that was when i thought
maybe if i recite louder, they can hear me? and so i did,
Astaghfirullahalazeemm! and i waited... no response.. why can't anyone hear me?
Astaghfirullahalazeemm! i shouted louder than before. and i waited... no response.. but at this point of time, i recognise the voice that i hear... it was DM Pino's voice.
Please... please Allah, help me.. let him hear me.. i am here.. i can hear you Pino..
Astaghfirullahalazeemm! i shouted louder than the second time.
Astaghfirullahalazeemm! yes!! she is breathing!! i heard Pino's voice repeating what i recited!!
and that was the time, i opened my eyes. i can see the blue sky. i heard Pino saying,
breathe ain, breathe!!
i coughed, still gasping for air, and like when someone just being revived, i coughed out a pool of blood! i was so scared. lots of blood coming out from my mouth. i was still on the surface. no bcd on me. i looked on my left and saw my bcd & tank floating on the surface of the ocean. at the same time, DM Pino was waving intensely for help and shouting for help from the nearest boat - whoever that is near us at that time while the other hand he was holding me. and telling me over and over again,
breathe ain, breathe!!
i was coughing and more blood coming out... i was so scared and don't know if i can survive this ordeal... then a small boat came to us with a confused looking guy coming towards us, and i felt him pulling me up onto his boat.
help her! please help her. ain, push yourself up ain.
i was pulled up and as i leaned on the side of the boat, i coughed again, and the was more blood came out and splattered in the boat. and i felt like a fish who is being pulled out of the ocean and trying to gasp for air for me to breathe. i coughed again and i felt like i am so full of water and i just needed to coughed it all out. it tasted like blood. my throat tasted like blood.
i was told that this was how DM Pino brought me to the surface before he did CPR on me
to be continued: The Emergency Evacuation [coming soon]
Note:I am writing this to share my experience and to educate people who takes certain body condition lightly or more of, 'its nothing' or 'it was just flu & cough'. towards the end of these episodes, i will share with you my findings on why this happened to me. for your info, i always ensure that i am clear from flu or cough or fever prior to any dives. i was in a good health condition before my dive trip, although i had a prolonged cough, flu & slight fever 3 weeks before this trip.
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