Lima2019 Experience

it was a last minute decision. i have always wanted to go to LIMA event but didnt have the chance to go. i guess those times the reasons were not strong enough? and when AH told me that he gets shore leave for 3 days, i just decide to go since i am getting so stressed in KL anyway. i need my positive and good vibes 😜 😎 and the truth is i really miss him a lot or rather we miss each other a lot. it was tough getting a place to stay. hotels' rates are getting ridiculously expensive so we sorted it out by getting a homestay for the 5 of us.

it was hot and talking about the weather and the men in uniform..but i have my own man in uniform 😉 . masa mula2 sampai tu memang agak terkesima jugak la tengok ramai pulak guys in armed forces uniform. tapi takat tengok gitu2 je lah. hehehe 😁 coz masa tu dah excited nak jumpa AH. he arrived with DL in a rented car, first time naik mitsubishi mirage. ok gak lah. kereta biasa je. 

malam tu memang meriah makannya. aku dah fikir i am on holiday so belasah je. i had my sup ekor and ordered sotong goreng tepung to be shared berlima, itu pun tak habis. 

lepas dinner we went back to our homestay sebab nak keluar balik looking for live band. malangnya tak de pun live band kat tempat2 yang kitorang cari. end up joining the guys at mali mali beach bar layan music while they drink and aku buat activity people watching while drinking my mango juice.

the next day we went to mahsuri international exhibition centre and the guys used their work id to get a pass while i get to use their other official pass. hehehe 😁 bangga kejap terasa maritime officer.. tettt.. 

best dapat naik kapal terbang tudm. nak naik yang US air force tapi tak sempat sebab dah 4.30pm by then. dah nak totop. aku dengan AH mampu ambik gambar dari luar je. 

it was tiring tapi aku seronok sebab dapat spend time dengan AH and waktu berlalu begitu pantas. his team members pun lawak jugak.. those guys are cool to hang out with. would be fun to have the chance to do this again. 

friday came when i had to leave for KL. sebenarnya posting ni banyak aku lompat2 sebab penat type pakai hp. 😂 next postings aku cerita pasal homestay pulak (kalau ada mood eh).

aku termiss flight... end up took another flight.. and delayed 3 times! ehh aku boleh claim kan? 😂 sat.. nanti nak try. 

lost my patience

just so that you know, i am not that angry. i am just sad. i am sad that people make fun of my current situation or more of condition. aku memang makhluk yang suka makan. and i am lucky that i am a person who is active (unlike now). memang sekarang aku miserable and rasa sedih tapi aku nak buat macamana, kan. aku memang kena sabar. sabar untuk betul2 sihat. aku bukan jenis yang self pity. sebab aku menyampah dengan orang2 yang self pity ni.

so just a few moments ago - aku dah letih dengan orang2 yang perli aku sebab aku makan. hello.. tolong lah. aku tak lunch sebab aku siapkan report aku. at least some people are working here! then aku keluar pun dah 130pm beli barang baju. ye, baju aku banyak dah sendat and i dont like how i look like in some of my baju. so i had to buy lah kan. lepas tu balik office sambung report tadi sambil makan nasi goreng. lagi nak perli.. cakap aku dah keluar tadi.. padahal aku tak makan pun. pastu nak cakap patut la muka aku bulat.

babi! ha kan dah kena ...
ngata la aku puas2.. nanti la aku dah ok.. i will be back to my normal me.

memang la time aku cakap tu aku tak la tengking ke apa.. tapi aku want to get the message across that, sikit2  aku leh tahan tapi kalau dok ulang2, memang la terasa.

sekarang aku jadi stressed. bila stressed - aku gastric yang teruk. pedih ulu hati aku. ada korang tau or kisah? tak kan.. pastu nak perli2 lagi pasal incident yang jadi kat aku. entah la.... ini yang dikatakan kadang2 bila kawan2 tanya on how you are doing - do they really mean it to ask, or just saje nak nyibuk? and not that they care pun.. ke, aku yang sensitive sebab aku tengah sedih and bengang and frustrated dengan keadaan aku sekarang ni? perut aku keras sekarang ni.. adeh... so uncomfortable!

kalau la boleh keluar laser api dari mata aku sekarang ni!

heartbreaking - funeral for new zealand attack victims

I got this in my whatsapp this morning as i arrived at the office, shared by my zumba sister, reading these made me teary and have goosebumps. It is very sad to see and to witness cruelty around the world. but at the same time, i am touched by the people of the world - muslims and non muslims together to show support towards the muslims. alhamdulillah... 

Taken from Aunty Salmah Kassim's post:

Assalamualaikum wrt Brothers and Sisters,

Kia ora koutou katoa ...

Today marks another sad day of our lives ini New Zealand. We witnessed burial of 10 more victims of the mass shooting.The earliest being a young boy, 15 years old, Sayyad Milne (Mom from Singapore, Dad a Kiwi) and our own Malaysian young boy of 17 years of age, Haziq Tarmizi.For the very first time in my life, I joined a congregation of 10 solat janazah in one day..it is so painful...Allahu... :(

Nevertheless, the support was overwhelming! 

First, beginning from me crossing the road to get into my car, passing cars stopped from both sides to allow me to cross with such honour. Some drivers waved at me and some placed their hand on their heart. I was in a black abaya with black hijab. I have never felt this proud to walk in my hijab as I have felt today. That was my first tears.

Then, when my daughter Shafiqah Ilyana, her friends (Akil and Hakimah) and I arrived at the Memorial Park Cemetery, we were welcomed by Kiwi women volunteers in hijab, and the men with their hand on the heart with "Salam alaykum." Even female police officers were wearing hijab instead of their police hats. almost all female visitors came in hijab...all wearing hijab! I truly hope this sight will encourage more Muslim women to wear hijab because that is the requirement by Allah. If the Kiwis could understand wearing hijab reflect who we are as Muslims, this is the best time to put on your hijab for good. In shaa Allah. I sincerely make Du'a for all my sisters in New Zealand, Malaysia and wherever you are to not shy to wear the hijab. In shaa Allah.

Next, it was another heartbreaking moment to see one body after another being laid to rest. School girls and boys came with their moms, dads and some with teachers to pay their last respect to the fallen classmates. Some young students came in abayas and hijab (where did they get all the abayas and hijab??) Those with school uniforms also put on hijab as a sign of respect. It was a very touching and meaningful sight. Indeed it was a hijab day!

The hills surrounding the cemetery were almost solemn, covered with teary clouds. It was cold with a light drizzle of rain could almost tell us, how it was such a difficult separation from these martyrs. Thousands of people gathered and the men were taking every chances they could to lay the bodies to rest. Islamic scholars from around the world such as Sheikh Omar Suleiman, Sheikh Rafat, one Mufti from Australia were among the figures who performed solat janazah. How lucky the fallen must have felt. At that spur of moment, I cannot help feeling envious of these martyrs. I wonder who would attend mine and perform my solat janazah? :(

It was a painful sight to see parents having to bury their children because it is only natural to me if it is otherwise. Haziq's father (on wheelchair) who has just been discharged this morning from the hospital was seen escorting Haziq sadly to his final rest. Puan Marina was no where in sight at the cemetery today. But she had asked us friends to be there for her Haziq. Yesterday evening, Puan Marina, Haziq's mother whom I met for the very first time was also very calm although she told me Haziq was still missing. Alhamdulillah, though it must very painful for Puan Marina, at least she knows her loving Haziq is in the hand of Allah, heading towards jannah and would be waiting for her at the door of jannah.  

Another strong mother, Sayyad Milne's mom, Kak Norani was calm, smiling away and telling people she is strong because of the tremendous support she is receiving. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave us this precious chance to be part of the martyrs' lives. 

Most of the victims' families that I have spoken to had such amazing Iman and Taqwa. Added by the massive vigils held all over New Zealand, they felt that this is the best victory that they gained over this tragedy. In Dunedin itself, 18000 people turned up to show their support. Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar! Allahuakbar!

Say (Prophet Muhammad SAW): I do not control for myself any harm, or any benefit except what Allah pleases; every nation has a term; when their term comes, they shall not then remain behind for an hour, nor can they go before (their time). Surah Yunus: 49 (Al Quran)

Tomorrow at 1.25pm, there will be a special speech by the Prime Minister, the lovely Jacinda Arden at Hagley Park, just outside the mosque. Then, there will be azan for Friday prayer which will be broadcasted on radio and TV in whole of New Zealand and I believe it will be broadcasted around the world too. Muslims (men and women) will perform solat outside Al Noor mosque, heavily guarded by police and human walls. The Kiwis would be guarding us while we pray, in shaa Allah. Who would ever thought this could happen? This is Allah's plan...we just have to husnudzon billah towards Allah The Almighty..

In shaa Allah at 4.00pm, there will be a mass burial at the Memorial Park Cemetery. Honestly, I don't know how I would feel ...I just don't know. 

But still, I would like to share the aroha around us and sending them to all of you in Malaysia and all my friends and families where ever you are..

Hasbunallahu wani'mal wakiil.

Naku noā, na
Hjh Salmah Kassim 
Ōtautahi, Aotearoa

#KiakahaAotearoa
#Arohanui

source: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-47633497

Tragedy 28 Jan 2019

what is with 28th of the month? this morning on March 3rd, 2019 when i woke up, i realized something scary. i was admitted 'again' to the hospital on 28 Feb 2019, just 1 month after i was admitted at the hospital in Maldives on 28 Jan 2019. yes, twice in 2 months and on the same date? what a coincidence. 

twitted on 3 march 2019

how do i start? it happened on the 2nd day of my dive trip, and on the 2nd dive. it was just like any other dives. i wanted to have a separate posting on this incident in maldives. but as the time goes by, i get quite tired of irresponsible people who spread stories about my condition after the incident. 

28 Jan 2019: happened on the 3rd day in maldives and 2nd dive for the day. 2nd dive site was at Miyaru Kandu, one of the most famous dive spots close to Alimatha Village in Felidhoo Atoll, Maldives, a great place where you can observe big pelagic fish. In fact “Miyaru” is the Dhihevi name for “shark”, so it is of no surprise that Miyaru Kandu is a great dive spot for catching sight of sharks and other big fishes. (ref: http://www.elitedivingagency.com/articles/miyaru-kandu-felidhoo-atoll/)

i will share what i can still remember. my brain is trained to keep only certain information in my memory box. i remembered diving at 30m depth. everyone was queuing and hooked while watching the sharks show i would call it. aku jeling kat dive comp aku, stated 30m and a number 3... and masa tu aku fikir, aku ada 3 min je ke kat dalam sedalam ini? and aku tengok orang lain relax je.. aku pun relax la.. aku tenang and seronok tengok sharks tu although aku tak la rasa seselesa selalu sebab pakai contact lense.

lepas tu aku jeling balik kat dive comp aku. aku dah terasa macam terlalu lama pulak at that depth and aku rasa macam dive comp aku dah berbunyi. aku jeling lagi and tengok ada number 6 kat situ. aku fikir balik, "maksudnya aku ada 6 min je ke lagi? atau aku dah kena naik?" and tak berapa lama lepas tu, DM Pino unhook semua reef hook kitorang. at least i know he unhooked mine. DM Pino checked on every one of us if we are ok. and semua dah respond ok. termasuk lah TK who checked on me too. so far sepanjang trip ni, aku notice TK pun sentiasa ada dekat2 dengan aku and dia rajin check on me. alhamdulillah i have caring people around me. and aku senyum sambil balas dengan sign OK kat TK who was on my right.

at that point of time we were all swimming against the current. i saw Lind was struggling underneath me, and i thought of helping her. i was feeling good and not tired at all.. swimming and looking at the nice deep blue ocean. my thoughts.. dalam kedalaman air macam ni, if anything were to happen, memang kena redha and pasrah je. and i was glad that i am fit enough, i enjoyed the swim coz boleh la exercise peha aku, my thought at that time. and by then aku tengok DM Lee dah swim nearer to me and DM Pino pun dah capai Lind.

and suddenly something happened.. i was just looking at my dive com and at 28m depth... and i tried to inhale, to breathe. i just couldn't, i felt like something stuck or that was the limit that i have. or kalau nak explain further, for divers, cuba you all imagine you all nak inhale and ada orang tutup tank korang, that is how i felt at that time. i quickly looked at my dive gauge, i still have 130 bar of air. and that is still sufficient. aku jeling dekat gang aku kat depan, and my thoughts immediately,

i am sorry guys..

coz aku tau, aku akan menyebabkan this dive trip pendek. and we will all have to naik cepat. when honestly aku tak tau macamana nak fikir or cakap sebab at that depth, aku boleh harapkan Allah je. aku try lagi sekali to inhale, but i still couldn't.

aku dah terbayang2 anak2 aku..dalam bayang2 keadaan aku dalam air waktu tu...

are they ready to be without me? sorry sayang2 mama, i cannot do anything now. i have no capability anymore. i am His.

and time tu memang aku berserah.. the next thing that came out of my mind was AH.. i was truly talking to my Creator at that point of time. the exact words that i remembered while talking to Him was,

Ya Allah, setakat ini sahaja kah kebahagiaan yang Kau bagi pada aku untuk bersama AH?

masa tu aku teringat memang macam drama sangat la kan ayat aku dengan Allah, but i remembered those words in my mind. and at that point of time too, aku tak berdaya except berserah pada Allah. and in my thoughts, demi Allah, aku bersyukur that Allah gave me that happiness with AH walaupun sekejap...

aku toleh ke kiri aku, i saw DM Lee who has always been close to my side in all my dives in maldives... aku hulur tangan kiri aku... and he, who is always alert, saw me just at the right time.

to be continued click here 👉: Allah swt gave me a 2nd chance... #alhamdulillah

Note: Irresponsible people, you all can judge me all you want, i don't care... but until these things actually happen to you, you will not know... sesungguhnya apa yang terjadi adalah ketentuan Illahi, aku redha.

Continuation from Maldives Here I Come Ep 03.  👈

CO2 Laser Surgery

Fuh dengar macam beriyer kan... surgery gitu. tapi memang ni pun namanya. bendanya tak de la major pun. i wanted to do dah lama sebab i have all these macam extra skin which i thought it is called skin tag? set up the appointment since last year - first date given end of jan 2019 but since i was going for my dive, kena postpone. nasib baik tak buat time tu, kalau buat jugak agaknya scar teruk lah. 

pic source: internet (contoh)

of course la i cannot see how they do it. but what i can say, during the laser, some places i will feel pedih and panas. and i can smell hangit macam benda terbakar. after effect dia, akan rasa pedih kalau kena air masa few hours after the procedure. and tak boleh kena direct sunlight or tak leh pakai compact powder.. make up free for the next 5 days? macam tu la lebih kurang. 

kalau you all nak buat kat private clinics maybe lebih mahal coz someone i know buat she had to pay like RM100 ke RM200 seketul - hehehe 👀 so kira lah if you have berketul2 for yourself. as for me, i went to HKL and first time it was free. alhamdulillah. hasilnya? not sure how to compare but asalkan it is gone and i hope tak de scar - kena avoid pergi tempat panas la ni. 

dia letak cream dulu before di laserkan 

like 1 hr lebih after di laserkan

the night lepas di laserkan

can see mcm kudis sikit la.. kulit kering tu

so memang pergi office today with no make up on. and muka agak berkilat sebab letak antibiotics. and tadi masa pergi lunch pun dok beriyer cover muka daripada panas matahari. 

and i did ask kenapa ada skin tag tu, i thought sebab cholesterol tinggi, but apparently, the doctor cakap it is because terlalu kena panas and i tak pakai sunblock. so lepas ni kena pakai sunblock 50spf and above ya! 

something is not right

sorry that when you read my posting this time, it is something that is not so nice to read - or maybe not a so called 'happy' thing to read about. i know many years back when i decided to restart my blog, i want to share about all my happiness (only) that is happening around me. if you ask me right now, i would say i am a happy person. there is a lot for me to be grateful for. namely:

• my wonderful kids & family.
• my job - yes i still have a job to pay my bills and put food on the table. 
• i am still breathing and given a chance to be with my loved ones.
• last but least, God has given me AH although not fully just yet 😍 and gave me the happiness with him right now. thank you sayang for all the love, attention, happiness and care that you have given me for the past few weeks... months. 

ok back to my posting's title. oh, before that, yes i know that i owe you the maldives' trip postings, i have 1 draft but i dont know how to continue. too much details to put it. i need some time. 😊 

i jot this down last night at 11.54pm, as i was watching the malay drama on my laptop. i put my laptop on the table on my left side of my bed and i lie down on my left side when i felt that pricking pain as i inhale and that caused me to breathe half way. tried to inhale again and something sharp pricking on my left ribs? so i changed my baring position to telentang. this is the 2nd time it happens in 2 weeks. Last week when it happened I thought it was angin, so I went for massage. And last night it happened again. so bila dah rasa macam tu start la contact pacik gugel and macam2 la yang aku baca and menggerunkan diri aku sendiri. so pagi ni i emailed my doctor at pcmc and asked him. he said sounds like pleurisy 

my next question is, what should i do... ?

i miss blogging

i miss those times when i would rush home and look for time in between to be with you. 

you would just listen to all my ramblings and not judge me.

i would cry to you when i am so sad and down.

i would laugh sharing those funny moments about me and others, with you.

i would share all sweet and bitter memories with you - although after that i may not remember what i was sad or happy about 😂

you are never tired to be with me.

you don't complain.

you are always there for me, although i might have neglected you some time due to my busyness. 

thank you.. www.ainkalam.com - you are one of my de-stress channel and i really miss to be with you.

Maldives Here I Come - Ep 03

Jan 28, 2019: kalau tengok kat board tu, its medhufaru dive site. but what i remembered, that morning, kitorang semua dah terasa macam army. bukan apa, kat sana semua nak cepat... kalut jugak kadang kala. time tu kitorang kena turun cepat.. tak leh delay kat atas lepas terjun dari dive boat. apa2 pun DM Lee akan sentiasa tunggu aku. memang best la. 

aku ingat masa tu laju gila kut.. aku bawak camera kejap je sebab camera aku takat 15m je.. and most of the time we dived deeper than that. so memang tak leh pakai la camera aku tu. i will only use it for anything shallower. and plus aku pun pun reti sangat ambik2 gambar ni. setakat sajer nak capture apa2 yang aku boleh and share with my friends and family. masa kitorang turun tu, aku tengok my dive buddies dah macam form bentuk V and we dive memang laju.. dah kalau atas darat ala2 macam berlari. aku tengok memang best.. nak explain secara bertulis pun tak tau macamana tapi rasa macam peluru berpandu punya laju.. and aku pun follow je dari belakang dengan DM Lee. aku memang sentiasa kat belakang pun sebab aku lebih selesa and relax. and masa dive ni our other DM, DM Pino was not happy with the dive site rasanya and kitorang naik lebih cepat. 

memang diving gives me that peaceful feelings.. like we are in another world - and betul lah apa yang terjadi selepas dive ni, i was in another world ~ somewhere i would never expect to happen during this dive trip but as hambaNya, aku redha for whatever that has happened. 

that's me and DM Lee... thank you for taking care of me underwater

yes this is a short posting coz there will be a longer posting coming up from me. maybe not immediately, maybe aku akan selit posting2 kisah lain dulu sebab untuk aku post tragedy yang terjadi kat Maldives takes time. so, you all sabar menanti ya. 

adakah aku kesal dengan apa yang terjadi? nope.. not at all - sebab life aku memang macam ni. aku terima je apa yang Allah bagi kat aku and aku sentiasa take it as a part of my journey dalam dunia ni. aku hidup tak lama, kita semua hidup atas aturcara Allah. so kalau kita follow je, insyallah kita akan ok. have trust in Him, always. 

 👉Tragedy 28 Jan 2019