What friendship means to some...

i was watching a tv series one morning, titled 'a good doctor'. somehow i was lazying on my bed and switched on the tv. the case for this 1 particular patient reminds me of my own medical condition way back in Jan 2019. in the series, the patient had pulmonary edema just like what i was diagnosed with when i was rushed to the hospital. in my thought at that time, no wonder 1 of my friend's face looked worried (when he read the doctor's notes) when i thought there was nothing serious about me. anyway, in the series, that patient died the next day, she had difficulty of breathing, which i experienced that too, and had lots of fluid in her lungs. yep, similar. cuma her case due to her heart issue, but me, due to pneumonia and i dived. i was lucky that i get the treatment fast and alhamdulillah i survived the ordeal. 

okey, so, what has this got to do with the title of this posting?

well, like many others, i tend to think back all those friends that helped me through, when i was abroad, in difficulties. so i sent out text messages to thank some people. not that i have not thanked them before, but just wanted to say thanks again etc. 

somehow, 1 of the message i got was shocking when he shot me with all the accusations and just made me so blur and speechless. i was accused for saying him a hypocrite on my whatsapp status and maybe my ig stories (when i don't remember doing that, or maybe it was for someone else - dah kenapa dia yang terasa pulak??), not responding to a friend's request to meet up and making him wait for me to be free or ready but i did not get back to him. and he said that he forgave me for all those and 'plans not to continue the friendship'. i went... wow! errmm what did i miss here? and when i asked what i did wrong, he wrote back as though i do not appreciate friendship and for all that he has done for me there? err ikhlas ke tak ni sebenarnya? and when i said i did not remember certain things he said to the effect that 'when someone did bad things to others, they will not remember, but the person who receives it will remember' so yeah... 

for the record, i am having selective memory due to some traumatic incident that happened to me way back in 2005. it is not something that i enjoy but i am thankful for it coz it makes me a calmer person for not remembering certain events in my life. so, to avoid more commotion between me and him, i just told him 'it is ok, and i accept whatever that he says' although of course i felt sad or confused about the accusation. and since he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, the only logic thing that i did was deleting his name from my contact list. 

he assumed i wrote about him. why didn't he ask me? and the reason that i didn't want to see him is because at that time i was really busy at work, and yes since i and AH has become officially a couple, i wish not to see him berdua, tu jer. and if he was really sincere to help me with my health condition, why didn't he follow up with me? 

anyway, he did sent another message but i did not read the full message. i only read the summary on  the notification that he said he is sorry for being direct & something about frustration..etc.. 

for all of you reading this, i have no issue of people being direct to me - that is best. coz at times i do that too. but, tolong la jangan tuduh i macam2 without trying to understand, why? itu sebab on some of the quotes, treat people nicely because kita tak tau apa yang orang tu hadapi, the difficulties or loss or whatever, kan? 

and also, terlajak perahu boleh di undur, tapi terlajak kata2, buruk padahnya. you are off my radar totally. dalam pada aku kebingungan, all my last words to him was, 'it is ok, and i accept whatever you are saying' coz i want it to be a positive ending from my side walaupun masa tu agak sedih jugak lah.. not as sakit hati.