Skip to main content

Emotional Me

by posting this today does not mean that i did not have my good times or good days since the last i posted. just that at times, i felt that i cannot express my feelings to people who can understand how i am actually feeling right now. i am sure they have their own opinion but still, they are not in my shoes. even by writing these i have all these vibration and uneasiness in my whole body. my fingers became semi-numb and i can feel my heartbeat became faster than usual, i have butterflies in my tummy. 

by me being extra emotional makes me become insensitive about other people feelings, which is not good for me. the latest, for example was, last night* - and until today i can feel the warmth on my face coz i know i have not let it all out and let AH understand what i felt last night - which affects me till today. and to make matters worst, i become someone who thinks negatively unnecessarily and started to ask questions that may lead to unnecessary arguments.

throwback *, i did not tell AH that i am having zumba practice at home - simply because i will be home anyway. and plus i know AH is going out for dinner and normally he will be out with his friends till late. he might, not miss having a conversation with me anyway (assumption). so then, he called twice, and of course since i sort of started practicing, i miss his calls. he saw me live on IG story and knew that i was having zumba practise. being a typical partner, (i would say partner because these could happen to male or female -- but personally i would not entertain my own feelings about this if it was me coz it is too petty) anyway, i understand that he wants to be manja and merajuk about this, but due to my emotional state, i have become sensitive myself when he declined my vc because he merajuk. the thought that triggered me immediately was... that blood gushed to the whole body feelings and i felt so down and already crying inside. and i thought immediately last night, "dah la joey tak nak bercakap dengan aku, now AH pulak nak merajuk and don't want to speak to me. so might as well, i take myself somewhere where i can really be alone for the weekend. it wouldn't mean anything to me anymore pun being together in gathering but still not happy" so, yeah.. that was how i felt last night. i hope i will feel better after writing all these down. 
maybe i can find a place where they can accept having a cat in the room? 😎 coz it is always the sadness leaving mischa alone at home stopped me from going anywhere. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Day 10 - warded

today marks the 10 day i am being warded at the hospital. i don't know if this has got anything to do with my incident back in maldives in january but what i know i have vulnerable lungs at this point of time. although i tried so hard not to get myself sick, somehow the environment is not helping people like me. or was it work stress? or too much thinking of what is next life has for me? i know for sure it is somewhat about AH. hmmm too much on that. i should deviate my focus on other things - things that we/i are more certain and i can control of. 
i should just get back on track on getting really healthy. really try to do something else to distract my frustration on not having be able to do the usual exercise that uses my strength so much. so, right now, definitely no weight training, no full zumba teaching, no swimming hmm what is left? yoga?? i really need to get the time with maria.  
as i am writing this now, i just had my minor procedure to jab steroid on my right ribs for…

Shellambak @ HangOut Bukit Antarabangsa

it started when i got the advertisement on my newsfeed. memang dah lama teringin nak makan shellout ni tapi kalau nak pergi kat Enjoys Desa Melawati sure kena beratur. and dari lapar nanti jadi kenyang and lapar balik. so, i decided to ajak my zumba sisters if they wanna try this new place found called Shellambak. and of course i bring my prince along although he was upset for awhile when he knew my zumba sisters are coming. i dont know why lah. sedangkan dia pun ajak kawan dia. aparaa..
and so, yeahh i also saw the short video clip about this Shelllambak.. sila cari di fb ye.
date of visit: 27 Jan 2018
location: Hang Out, Bukit Antarabangsa. [Cabin Style next to Petronas Gas Station] Tel: 0183636726
place & decor: simple and nice ~ relaxing for lepak. it's like food truck environment but better seats, but perhaps not wheelchair friendly so much due to the steep way up.
cleanliness: 9 out of 10. [for the whole area]
restaurant service: friendly chef, reasonable waiting time.

Tragedy 28 Jan 2019

what is with 28th of the month? this morning on March 3rd, 2019 when i woke up, i realized something scary. i was admitted 'again' to the hospital on 28 Feb 2019, just 1 month after i was admitted at the hospital in Maldives on 28 Jan 2019. yes, twice in 2 months and on the same date? what a coincidence.  how do i start? it happened on the 2nd day of my dive trip, and on the 2nd dive. it was just like any other dives. i wanted to have a separate posting on this incident in maldives. but as the time goes by, i get quite tired of irresponsible people who spread stories about my condition after the incident. 28 Jan 2019: happened on the 3rd day in maldives and 2nd dive for the day. 2nd dive site was at Miyaru Kandu, one of the most famous dive spots close to Alimatha Village in Felidhoo Atoll, Maldives, a great place where you can observe big pelagic fish. In fact “Miyaru” is the Dhihevi name for “shark”, so it is of no surprise that Miyaru Kandu is a great dive spot for catchin…