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My Happy Pills

takat nak letak ayat2 poem yang jumpa dalam internet terasa geli geleman sebab jiwang terover. walaupun sekarang ni boleh la kalau korang nak kutuk kata aku jiwang. kalau2 korang ada yang nak gelakkan aku sebab aku bercintan balik. tapi kalau ye pun aku bercintan, masalah ke pada korang? aku menyusahkan korang ke? atau korang jeles sebab aku masih boleh bercintan? alaa pada korang yang in a relationship - apa lah salahnya korang semarakkan balik rasa kasih sayang antara korang daripada static je. belajar mengappreciate balik orang yang sentiasa ada depan mata korang, yang jaga korang. 

aku pun kena jugak sedar diri - sebab dok sibuk bercintan dengan kamal adli, nanti lelama MrH jeles pulak... hik hik walaupun kamal adli tu tak tau pun kewujudan aku. 😝 ala.. apa2 pun romantik2 kamal adli tu semua dalam lakonan jer.. tapi kasih sayang, rindu and caring MrH untuk aku is real. kannn.. 

MrH has been my calming potion since ketiadaan Lisa kat KL ni. nanti2 pun kalau Lisa dah balik KL tak sure if she can still be my calming potion sebab aku rasa macam aku dah banyak menyusahkan anak2 aku. and aku kena belajar jugak hidup tanpa mengharapkan apa2 dari diorang. aku sebak sangat sebenarnya. tapi tak pe lah. people change as they grow up or through the time. but that doesn't mean they don't love you anymore. aku pun sebenarnya sangat2 confuse apa yang dah berlaku antara aku dengan anak2 aku. maybe aku tak setara dengan mak2 kawan2 diorang - yang sememangnya aku berbeza dengan all mothers out there. benda ni hakikat - and apa2 pun aku tetap mak diorang and aku dah cuba sehabis and semampu boleh untuk jaga diorang dari tak boleh buat apa2 - sampai lah sekarang when they can do things on their own. 

maybe sebab tu Allah hantarkan MrH untuk aku. Allah swt knows that i deserve to be happy after all the hardship and sadness through the broken marriages that i have to go through. kadang2 emosi aku pun tak stabil and MrH jadi mangsa aku emo. alaaa MrH pun apa kurangnya. dia ni pun jiwa sangat sensitive. tak semua benda aku boleh cerita dengan dia pun - nanti start lah dia over thinking. 

so last weekend when he was back in KL memang melegakan aku.. sebab aku tengah serabut sangat2 and aku sedih and semuanya lah. and i am so glad he was back. i wish i can have him longer tapi nak buat macamana, long distance relationship macam ni lah.. memang kena banyak sabar. cuma persoalan nya sampai bila boleh sabar macam ni eh? tiap kali nak say goodbye for him to get back to work mesti aku sedih and rasa sunyi balik.. haisshhh ... i am stronger than this! 
masa ni sajer je dia nak ambik gambar tanpa muka dia.. acah2 lelaki misteri, gitu. 


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