in life kadang2 memang susah untuk kita buat decision. kalau semuanya senang, tak de lah cabaran dalam hidup. and tak de lah kita boleh grow to be a mature person and dapat belajar mempertimbangkan yang mana baik and mana buruk. yang mana ikut akal fikiran and yang mana ikut hati perasaan. cerita pasal hati dan perasaan memang tak akan selari dengan akal fikiran. is it always? or sometimes? entahlah, depends kut on situation.
my kind of thinking changes as i get into a different phase of life. yes, i will hurt people's feelings along the way but sometimes, we get hurt too. that (when we are the ones who get hurt) is when we grow to be someone stronger and/or someone with experience. whichever way you will be a better person, insyaallah. i love talking to joey about life, about people's acceptance, people's behavior and so forth. he seems to be mature talking about certain matters and he knows what to ask and how to discuss on matters. it may be a heavy topic but i enjoy talking to him about these. and he will ask questions that will make me think too. and jangan tak tahu...😅 our most recent topic was.. "sharing in a relationship or polygamy vs monogamy"
"There is nothing like the love between a Mother and a Son..."
i would not say that it is the most difficult decision but, it is 1 tough decision when you had to choose between your mom and someone dear to you or someone you love. someone asked me, as a mom, would i allow joey to be in a relationship with someone who was once married and with a child. i did not give an answer because i am not in that situation right now as a mom, and i do not need to think of something that has not happen yet. it's like cross the bridge when the time comes kinda thing.
but i can share my own experience as the person who was being left being a divorcee with kids.
i was 34 i think, and i was already a divorcee then with 2 kids. i was about to fall for a guy (bachelor - same age) whom i knew since high school. didn't know him so close during school time, but we sort of got in touch online and we kinda clicked. anyway, to cut the story short, we were about to be in a serious relationship. but i had some reservation because i had a feeling that it will not be an easy situation. this happened in 2006 i think.. can't really remember details. but my concern senang je..
i told him.
"ibu mana nak terima menantu 'janda', ada baggage lagi... i don't want to get into a serious relationship until you clear up with your mom and tell her the truth. i tak nak nanti penat2 dah rasa sayang, and it is not going anywhere. apa2 pun your mom is more important" and he was really confident about his mom's acceptance.
i had doubt. and he said, "it is ok... my mom is ok.. she is open minded... " etc etc etc
when tiba2, when we sort of declared as a couple, and my kids are already close to him, he went MIA. he just went silent.. did not answer my calls... did not answer my messages. my guess was right ,that his mom could not accept and he didn't have the heart to tell me.
so the point is
it, in any case, do get your mom to accept your partner naturally. apa2 pun as a son, tanggungjawab utama adalah your mom. and until green light is received baru lah boleh janji bulan & bintang. coz tak guna nak janji bulan & bintang dulu bila tak de restu. i am not saying all mothers are like that but i don't know.. syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki ibu, kan. jangan ambil remeh perasaan seorang ibu.
and to women yang baru divorce pulak, get used to being alone dulu, focus on yourself, your kid(s), learn to be berdikari and tak semestinya yang hilang tu dapat/akan/perlu di ganti that fast. when i was at that age/phase i was too quick to think that i need a replacement father figure for my kids. sedangkan sebenarnya semua tu pun can be an option. kids will eventually get used to having their mom only as their protector or person whom they love.
semoga semua pilihan kita adalah pilihan untuk ke syurga... insyaallah... ameen 😊 and me personally, will not want to be the person to be in between a son & his mom, and lagi2 bila aku sendiri ada joey.