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Showing posts from November, 2017
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she tries to make herself busy. she contacted everyone that she knows just to fill up her time. as it is she is already a very busy person but there is still something amiss in her daily routine. she tries not to think of him but how can she not she her heart is with him. she tries to think of other positive things. she tries not to focus on that but the memories keep on coming back. is that what it is going to be now? just memories? it is too much, and she is suffering so bad, too bad that she didn't think that this is going to happen this year at least. has she really fallen too deep for him? but, there is nothing between the two of them. confused. yeah confused now. can someone who is not a couple missing the other so much that it hurts.

love is blind

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people fall in love everyday. some last longer and some are not. some people who are left with a short term being in love can end up living in bitterness. they will think all the negative part of their previous partners/experience. actually imo, we should always take those situation as lesson for us. and study ourselves or types of people we ended up with. anyway, i had fallen in love with different types of people. do you realize that some people when they change partners, some may end up just like their previous partners? hehehe 😀 but my own experience, i sort of upgrade my choices. there must be reasons why it doesn't last, right? and i improve myself in my next relationship. because everyone wants to be a better person each time/year/months/seconds, right? coz if you don't improve, you don't grow to be a better person and, you will end up with the same kind of shit. when you improve and change for the better, at least you will face different kind shit to deal with LO…

job hunting

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i have been browsing linkedin looking for job opportunity but why is it every time i want to update my cv i get so so lazy? perhaps it is because i have too much things to update since i have been working for than 20 years? wow... a very very long time to stay in the same company. loyal kah aku? :D

confession

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okay, so i have received some comments from people who reads my blog. so, i was saying, can people who reads assume that everything i write here is about me? heh heh **evil laugh** well, i tried so hard not to, but yeahh.. for those who are close to me they can guess which is about me or which is not. but - i will just let you guess 😜 i am sure it will not be that hard. and whenever i feel down all my rantings will be the sad ones. i remembered when my daughter once said before she reads her poem.. about .. kalau tak koyak and creating a new poem. i guess when i am koyak - it spills all over my blog. i am sorry dear readers, i just could not hide my feelings most of the time. so you can understand how transparent i am. i tried to be jovial, cheerful and happy on the outside but it will show in my writings.

she missed him still - and for now no matter how she is being treated, her feelings remain the same. maybe she should pray that God take away her feelings for him - if that is what…
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no matter how patience she is trying to be, only God know how much she misses him. misses everything from him. and they are not even in a relationship per say. each time she says she is giving up, the more she misses him. if only the feeling is mutual.

love hurts

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wow, and too bad it is true. i remembered when i attended the talk by Yasmin Mogahed - when you love a person, do not love him/her too much because that is where God will test you with the biggest test/challenge. Allahuakbar.. and i cried when i heard that coz that happened to me. and after that day, i always think back of my feelings towards others and control where i can. even with parents, she said, do not love your children too much coz afraid that Allah will test you on that. and... that scares me too. always put Allah number 1 in your heart. i know it is easier said than done but that is just how it is. and always remember that all these are temporary. be happy, enjoy life but remember your roots - where you came from. and most of all remember your Creator coz, He is the eternity.

so, the story goes... keeping her feelings to herself is not what she intends to do. she has learnt through life that she needs to express how or what she feels. it may scare some people or it may mak…

falling

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she should start doing her work but as usual she cannot keep her mind of him. the reality that sunk in really scares shit out of her. the reality that she cannot help her own feelings falling for someone whom she should have just kept as just friends. why? because because. she could get hurt again. but those chatting till late night and those simple morning wishes and exchange of cute selfies just filled up her days - with the hope it fills up his days too. when someone is so used to that routine and it stopped abruptly, it hurts. she just felt so empty without his messages. she can imagine his cute naughty face in her eyes. she tries so hard to read between the lines - between his actions but it all came blurry to her. or perhaps she is just in denial because she is afraid of losing him. he brings out the smile and hope in her when she was heart broken. but now, she needs to be strong again - if this is happening - that he is not meant for her.

faith

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i am thankful that whenever i can consider myself stuck in any decision, eventually the answer is there. i have always been a determine person - and as it goes with my life tagline "always get what i want" , i have always got what i want in life. it is just either i get it now or later - but not never.

i ran into the gym's owner last wednesday just before my class and he was saying about expanding his gym. somehow automatically it helped me decide. and i told him that if that is the case, might as well i operate at only 1 location which is just his gym instead of my own studio. if you are in the blur zone, i am now operating at 2 venues... my studio and my friend's gym. somehow, my studio is being underutilized. i think it is about time that i do something about it. no doubt, i love the space of my own but it is just a business decision that i have to make. last time i wonder how does it feels to have my own dance studio and in 2015 i managed to own 1. of course i lo…

re-focus

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yes he makes me happy. he makes me feel high in the air. but off-late i do not know where this is heading and it pulls me down. someone who used to cheer me up and accompany me during my down time has somehow vanished. i have become someone who loses my energy. i have lost my genuine happiness and i felt like it shows on my face and my attitude towards life. i felt lost in him. and i lost control of myself. i have become someone who is depending on someone else to be happy. not to say that i am not happy without him - just that when he does what he does, it pulls me down - sorry if you don't get what i meant. all i wanna say is i should focus back my energy to something that benefits me rather than someone who doesn't appreciate how i feel about us. at least that is how he makes me feel now. maybe i hope too much - on him and where we are heading. maybe i am not what/who he wants. despite saying all these - my heart is still with him but i let the Almighty to decide my next s…

sedih

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aku rasa macam aku dah hilang sahabat. ehh tak.. bukan.. aku tak hilang kau. cuma aku rasa sebahagian dari diri aku hilang. tapi kenapa aku rasa macam tu? dulu aku ingat ko paham macamana perasaan seorang perempuan yang disakiti. tapi sekarang ko buat benda yang sama. benda yang sama aku kena dulu, sekarang ko buat pulak. bezanya, ko kawan aku. ko lah tempat aku mengadu and merapu bila aku down. and tapi sekarang aku rasa aku pun cuma tempat ko hilangkan rasa bosan ko jugak. agaknya lah. bila dia tak layan ko as in mendengar rintihan2 ko, aku ada. aku kesian gak kat ko bila dia buat ko macam tu. tapi aku perempuan jugak. kalau partner aku buat aku macam tu, aku akan sedih dowh. memang hati aku akan hancur. tapi aku terima lah apa keputusan ko buat. kalau itu yang buat ko happy. and kadang2 kita terpaksa terbuat orang lain sedih demi diri kita nak happy. sebab tak semua orang akan setuju dengan apa yang kita nak-kan?

kisah cinta by fauziah ahmad daud

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it is a gloomy day today. why is it that every time i felt so high - suddenly i would drop to the ground so hard that it crushes myself. am i wanting something that is not meant to be mine? and why do i even allow this to happen to me? **sigh**

tired | satisfied

i came back late last night after picking up the sponsored items from the CEO of JMD. a very friendly and humble person that i have known for a few years now. he has always been supporting our event. we had a good chit chatting session at his house as normally our time just doesn't match. i was supposed to take my side table from MN but since it was too late, i headed home straight away. by 1 am i just could not open my eyes anymore.

my style is, i would do whatever and take responsibility of the risk. it is okay if i don't make that much profit. as long as we are going to have fun.

actually i don't know where this posting is heading. maybe i was tersentap when someone actually commented my action/decision of organizing this event.