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Showing posts from July, 2017

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rindu

sometimes people hide their feelings. i sort of stop hiding my feelings towards anything or anyone for a long time. i believe that time is short and i wish to make known to others on what i feel, or how i feel towards someone or something. who knows the feeling is mutual? and even if it is not, at least i have done my part and i don't deny whatever feeling that i have. it is all about giving and not necessarily we will get it back.
i rindu pagi u..  i rindu malam u..  i rindu naughty u..  i rindu annoying u..  i rindu selfie u..  i rindu manja u...  i rindu romantic u.. 
and today i make known on how i feel towards you. i don't want to regret of not saying it. although you might not feel the same - it is okay... i guess. memang la people will get sad but we cannot force feelings, right? it just came... **sigh**

sebak

sebak is when i feel my chest so heavy
sebak is when i can feel like i am teresak2 on the inside and when i type i can't even put a smiley
sebak is when at any point of time my tears can burst out
sebak is when you shut me out
sebak is when you make me an option
sebak is when you talk but there is no action
sebak is when there is no more good mornings or good nights
sebak is when i feel the emptiness without your jokes that has been making me smile
sebak is when i thought i was someone special and you make me questioned..is this a lie?
has this blog or each posting become my diary now? busy at the office helps me to stop or at least reduce thinking of him. if its true that he is just playing with my heart - God please help me be stronger and more aware of my own heart. be more gentle so i dont get to fall for him that much. what game are you playing? just say it straight to my face if i am not the one that you think suits you. just stop making me feel loved if you dont feel that way. please dont torture me like this. just dont... stop it. and note self... stop being too soft hearted when it comes about him. but.. it just come naturally. i cannot explain it either.
i wish i have more words to describe about him and how i feel about him. but i dont. my words are so limited. and i wish he would understand how i feel towards him. how much do i want him to be a part of my life will depends on how much he wants to be a part of mine/ours. like i said to myself or maybe i have expressed it here, i have been through a lot and i know what i want in my life already. he has what i want or need to be with me but i dont know if i am what/whom he wants in his life. dear God, i just want someone to complete my life. someone who can love me as who i am. and we take care of each other. i dont want to bore you with all these statements over and over again. i know what i dont want in a person - and the ultimate goal is toward akhirat. will you be my imam?
how can you miss a person when you hardly see him. but what i know i miss him. i just miss to be in front of him where i can look at his face :p i miss his sweet dimple whenever he smiles. i miss the feelings that i have that is calmed by his presence. i wish i have more words to describe how i feel about whatever that i am feeling right now. most of the times i cannot explain it either. i love the feelings that he made me feel.. and it made me feel young .. ermm well i always forget how old i am anyway. but maybe with him, at time he made me feel manja... hahahah :D #silajanganmuntah but then again that is how i feel la kan. God knows how he feels. he is a man with very little sayings which i guess why i adore him. "i just wanna shy guy" hehehe :D yeahh.. i don't really like orang yang banyak cakap. why am i babbling? tak pe la layan je lah ye.

Fitat40s

loving each day of my life and whom i have become. i decide what i wanna be and how i want to grow old. and i am grateful at this phase of my life, i am proud of who i am and who i have in my life | those who chose to stay.
#rambles #blogger #lifeofazumbainstructor #lifeisbeautiful #fitat40s #zinako #hotmom #tonedbody #fitnessfreak #ladyboss #alhamdulillah
This is one of the posting i made in my public IG.

paper heart

all i can hear right now is the sound of the fan in my room. everyone is sound asleep and here i am thinking of you. thinking of what we have right now. to some people i need to know more about you which i dont deny. 
you are the reason that i smile every morning when i get texts from you. and the same before i close my eyes to end each day. and there are many little things that you do that matters to me. 
i have gone through the similar situation before, that now i am being more careful with my heart. and yes each time i say that, it doesnt guarantee that my heart wont get hurt.
all i am asking for is for you to know that if you know what i am thinking, or what i want from you, at least before i go too deep of my feelings for you... please get their blessings. because i will not want to waste my energy for something that might not be achievable. 
this little heart is too precious for me for it to get hurt again.

quit playing games with my heart

i know i should be doing my work. i brought back my lappy so that i could finish my presentation to show to my boss on monday at least. but knowing the hariraya season, i just dont have the energy to do it when i get home.

but right now i just needed to write something before i start to be really busy.

my mind is disturbed right now with some issues that i need to get clarification. i just dont want to have my time wasted for something uncertain. i know nothing is confirmed in this world unless given by Him, but i do want to have myself prepared for certain things. i know what i want in life now. alhamdulillah i have what people would want in life - maybe at this phase of my life i just want someone who can truly love me and take me as who i am. take care of me, or we take care of each other, honest in love, provides the needs as a spouse and live the rest of our lives together, having the same goals that is bringing each other up to be a better person in life and also closer to the C…