Wednesday, April 19, 2017

you owe me nothing

i was already asleep actually but somehow without saying proper goodnight won't put me to a sort of real sleep. if this could be a series of love drama, it could be a hit. 😊

you, have been the sweetest thing (well you are not a thing, per say but figure of speech thingy? 😁) that has happened to me for the past few weeks or maybe months. when i thought that i could never get to feel this way again. when i almost lost hope on feeling cheerful - or looking forward for the day that i could smile this wide - or even grin! well, you are right you can be moody and as the day goes by you taught me how to handle you 😛

as i go through my journey of life, i learned to put Him first in my heart. and it is true i supposed that when you put your trust in Him and His plan, you will feel your shoulder lighter than before. every day is another step forward to your Creator. i may not seemed to be pious to most people but this is the way of life that i choose to live in. 

there must be a reason why He make us meet. He tested me..and perhaps He tested you too. and now, to me, He has brought that rainbow in my life, alhamdulillah by making me get to know you. how long will this last? i don't know. nothing is certain because our life story is written by Him and only He knows.

what i am trying to say here is, you owe me nothing. if i can make you happy like how you have made me happy every day.. well almost every day 😛 it fullfills my being here in your life - for now. truthfully i do not know how much i mean to you but it doesn't matter because i learn to accept whatever that is going around on daily basis. do i have hope? if Allah grants it, alhamdulillah and if not, there is always a reason behind it. 

i wish and pray for you to be able to feel the happiness soon in you. look for Him.. deeper. i will pray that Allah will ease yours and my challenges that He put us in. please don't be sad okay. you, have my shoulder to cry on as how you have been that rainbow..for me ☺ 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

i had to

i was so sad that you were upset. i am sorry but i had to do what i had to do. things have changed between us. you decided on the changes, not me. and you said that we both had to either leave our lives, or live our life. both ways means more or less the same. i know i am dependent on you still. i don't know how i will work it out with some things.. with the house payment and all. but insyallah, Allah is with me and things will work out fine. there will be a way. i have Him to help me out. sooner or later i will have to be on my own anyway.

and at the point that you already have her in your life - you will not need the privileges that i have been giving you anyway. i am not upset that you have her in your life. i am just upset with myself for having the hope that you will return. i misunderstood all the signals.

i feel bad for having to do what i had to do. but i need to be able to do this alone. cut you off totally. as i cannot live with your shadows around me anymore. it just hurt me too much. thank you for being there in my life, it was beautiful years and i hope there are some of them that is real.

i told you i was sorry for having to block the credit card. i know you paid for it but since we are sharing credit limit and i have to see in your statement what you use it for, i am not that strong if i have to bear with all that. that is all. i want to move on. for now, i cannot be friends with you just yet. let me get this out of my system. i am sorry - i need to do what i have to do for me to be stronger.

you may think that i hold some grudges, but i don't. i don't have the right to feel what i feel that day when we last communicate anyway. but i have the rights to do what i am doing right now. and i know some consequences that i will need to face.


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

stay with me

i dont know what to put for the title and i dont know where to start. see, nampak sangat macam banyak sangat nak bebelnya kan? well as i am typing this.. the girls are just back from their circuit training at the lake garden. today is sort of my off day. well not really off day. maybe i will join UJAM later at my studio.

right now i dont feel like going back yet. i was watching this short drama on you tube. thanks to #bff lah kan. he introduced to me this production. although its kinda like school drama acting, but the message most of the time just hits me. or perhaps, it hits some of you - if you can relate to the story.

yesterday he gave me 1 story - 7 episodes i think. and today i discovered another story with 4 episodes. hanging posting i am doing right now, right?

you know, i finally believe that when you actually give in and leave it to Allah, you will see that light at the end of the tunnel. when you just open your heart, to love again, things will be so beautiful right in front of your eyes. when you start to leave that situation / person that makes you stuck at one place, you will finally find the way out. or some sort of like you just need to believe that whatever happens have lessons out of it.

i am feeling much better now, i supposed. :) sometimes you just have to let go... ermmm how many times do i have to say this? although whatever in front of you is still uncertain - as long as it makes you happy, #justdoit :) oh gosh.. is my posting this time will be having some nike vibes in it? LOL :D oh well... not gonna say too much here. enough to say that - i am happy now :) alhamdulillah.

you brought that glow back on my face. i dont know if this will last. but, can you be with me till i am healed?