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mama sedih

i have a lot of things to share in my blog with regards to my weekend activities. but what happened this morning beats any other stories that i feel like sharing. not writing this to disgrace joey but i want him to know that this is how i feel as a mom, if ever i deserved to be called and treated as one - by him.
mama sedih bila joey tengking mama dalam lift pagi tadi, when i asked a simple question like any other mom would do who cares about her son. perhaps i dont even have to finish that last sentence coz most kids, maybe you too take it for granted that every mom should care for her children. mama tanya joey if you have taken your meds and the answer that i got was "i am MAD at you!!" and yang paling mama sedih bila joey tengking mama macam mama ni bukan mama joey. 

joey marah sebab hari ni mama lambat hantar joey. joey marah mama macam mama ni kucing kurap tepi jalan yang joey boleh sepak2 bila bila masa joey nak. ya, macam tu lah joey buat mama rasa... macam mama ni supir joey yang joey tak perlu nak hormat bila bercakap dengan mama. or.. oh yea... mama masih ingat few months back joey pernah kata pada mama, "i have lost respect for you". hati mama remuk, Allah je yang tau.

mama takkan tanya apa salah mama anak mama buat mama macam ni. joey baru 15 tahun, joey belum start kerja, joey belum pegang duit sendiri, joey dah treat mama macam ni. kut ya pun joey nak marah sebab lambat hantar pergi sekolah, tak boleh ke joey cakap elok2... ini mama joey tau... mama tak nak anak mama tanggung dosa besar sebab tinggikan suara pada mama. 

dulu kalau lisa lambat tiap2 hari sebab joey... sampai tak larat dah mama nak marah... lisa sampai dah banyak kena demerit, joey buat tak kisah jer. joey tak fikir pun pasal orang lain. joey ikut suka hati lemau joey sendiri. 

mama cuma nak ingatkan joey, jangan sampai satu hari, ayat joey yang terakhir pada mama adalah ayat joey yang paling joey akan kesal sampai akhirat. joey boleh la anggap mama ni ego ke.. mama ni tak cukup bagus ke.. mama ni tak macam seorang ibu buat joey... tapi mama ni lah yang jaga joey... yang pujuk joey sejak daddy tinggalkan joey.. sejak daddy abaikan joey... tapi ada joey kisah semua tu? ooh tak apa... itu semua joey akan cakap, that is my responsibility as a mother - jangan nak ungkit. memang semua tu tanggungjawab mama.. and mama nak anak2 mama rasa happy and selesa bila daddy left us - tapi hati ibu mana tak sebak dan meruntun bila anak2 dah besar, ini yang mama dapat. mama sedih joey... mama sangat sedih.. and i am typing this with the hope that i will feel better... but my tears keeps on berkumpul tunggu mengalir jer...  tarik nafas pun tersangkut2... tapi ada joey terfikir semua tu? kadang2 mama terfikir, tak de ke sedikit pun rasa kesal dalam hati joey bila joey bercakap dengan mama macam tu? **sigh**


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so yeah... what i did today was, i had to run to the saloon to do my hair.. hahaha :D i can have my workout today to replace my cancelled session yesterday but... errmm if i workout then i will sweat and i need to wash my hair again! so, i decided not to do any weight training.. hik hik.. so yeah.. stay tuned tomorrow everyone and watch FaFau and me with the simplest ZUMBA routine :D

and if you want to enter the contest, check out my ig @zin_ako.

when my son calls me by name instead of Mom :p

it has been a long time since my kids send me appreciation notes. i have begun to think that this is what i will have to go through and accept :) as my kids are growing up and they, especially joey, are no more as expressive as before, as when they were much younger. and perhaps, i should learn to be less sensitive about these things and just focus on them being a grown up. errmmm well not really about joey looking at his room condition!

but today, as i was rushing in the morning to open up my studio for yoga, they both came into my bedroom and gave me these :) hehehe :D it was funny, and thoughtful at the same time :D

ya Allah, thank you so much for giving me such beautiful children - please protect them wherever they go and may they both become anak2 yang soleh & solehah.  Love you both so much... Saaa & Adik :*