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anxiety & panic attack?


what is it all about? entah... i didn't know at first... it just happened.. or shall i say, it just appeared in my daily life. i have this weird of feeling of being afraid to be on a bus ride. and i will get the panic attack. i will start to sweat, cannot breathe, my heart pumps very2 fast, i feel like going to the toilet etc etc...  so one day as i was talking to someone i know, he asked me to track back when i started to experienced this because i was a strong and brave person. i was 'the boy' in my family :p so, the answer was right after i went through my divorce way back in 2005. yeup... that was when i started to have this not nice feeling. anyway i hope by now, i am getting better... i am okay to be on a bus to lcct from klsentral! yey :D

yeup... i have tried to be strong for my kids for quite a long time. but somehow, for now, i let go. joey is acting like a teenager... well he is lah kan... i am having a tough time now even talking to him. it is the phase, i supposed. but that doesn't stop me from being sad after what he told me last week. he asked me if i have said something to daddy about their trip to kelantan. look, all i said was, if he wants to take kids out traveling, try not to come back a day before school. or if he has to, not too late..because kids will be schooling the next day. and it was sad when daddy throw it back at joey by saying "joey tak payah ikutlah, nanti joey penat nak pergi sekolah" err hello... tak payah lah nak perli2 budak tu boleh tak??? something that my ex has not grown up.. memang aku bengang..  dah la when he comes over to take kids out, when kids goes downstairs to the parking, terkial2 lah budak2 tu nak susun bags dalam boot kereta, and which at times aku yang kena tolong susun.. apa hal? ko tak boleh keluar kereta kalau aku ada ke??? wehh.. grow up lah please!!

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and if you want to enter the contest, check out my ig @zin_ako.



when my son calls me by name instead of Mom :p

it has been a long time since my kids send me appreciation notes. i have begun to think that this is what i will have to go through and accept :) as my kids are growing up and they, especially joey, are no more as expressive as before, as when they were much younger. and perhaps, i should learn to be less sensitive about these things and just focus on them being a grown up. errmmm well not really about joey looking at his room condition!

but today, as i was rushing in the morning to open up my studio for yoga, they both came into my bedroom and gave me these :) hehehe :D it was funny, and thoughtful at the same time :D


ya Allah, thank you so much for giving me such beautiful children - please protect them wherever they go and may they both become anak2 yang soleh & solehah.  Love you both so much... Saaa & Adik :*