Tuesday, December 6, 2011

have i lost her?

i only have one her in this world. someone who gave me the strength to live when he left. someone whom i lived for after all my world crumbled on me (at least that was how i interpreted my life back then). her eyes gave me hope when i have lost it... her eyes and smile makes my tiredness goes away as i come home from work... her warm hug made me believe no matter how bad people out there treats me, she is one love that i will not lost. her believing in me that made me got up and run... and continue living... but she has changed. to some, it is positive, and to me, in a way yes... but i know now, that was not how i want her to changed into. i want her back so badly... someone whom i can talk to just like a friend, although i was told, i need to differentiate her position. she is too young for me to talk to like that. but other people do not understand the bond that i have with her. and as i am typing this, my tears could not stop running. no one would understand how i feel right now. it is easier said that done. God, i want her back like before.. well maybe not really like some of before... a lil bit of now plus a lot of before. i wanna be able to hold and hug her without the feeling of hugging someone else, because she's no longer like mine :( she is so much into other things but me. i wanna be able to talk to her like a normal person... like someone who is allowed to express her anger.... someone who is allowed to express frustration. as the days goes by, i am more and more frustrated or perhaps the emptiness? is that what it is? i have become very quiet when it comes to her. i have lost all the communication. i have lost of expressing my own feelings. because of what or whom she has become. have i lost her? :'( and i am sobbing.... she is the only her that i have.... i have no more of her in this world... although... with her changes, i must have done something good in this world despite all the sins that i have done... astaghfirullahalazim.... God please forgive me...for feeling this way....