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October 30, 2008

laughter that transformed into tears

i was feeling a bit weird yesterday. work loads at the office was, i dont know what to say anymore. some of my key goals are not achieved. i am not happy with myself but somehow i felt just simply happy yesterday. maybe because i have arranged things to be done between myself, joelis, and business. so, as long as everything is in place, i am okay. lisa has been asking for a new top for her to wear to her class party.

in my head (not according to priority):
  • joelis' final exam next week.
  • lisa's request to buy a new top.
  • joelis request to go for a holiday with my parents which i could not decide yet.
  • tenant at the guesthouse.
  • my business.
  • monthly commitment.
  • my gf's wedding - what to wear... hehehe :D
  • my gf's hen's night - o'uh... my very first... err... what is this laa...
  • AD's bday coming
  • my life
i had everything arranged in my brain compartment. i know there is something that i am sad about. i just kept it in me... well that's me... until when the right time comes, it'll burst. and it happened last night. after all the cheerful me during the day. i wanted to rush back after office to settle a few stuff for the guesthouse, but work chained me again. am i happy working lately? yes and no... but i am still here. so, no complaints, okay.

i got to the cafe and ordered food for AD and i. and when i got to his place. we were just talking about our day.. his business has been going up very well! my work has been hectic at the office. and i told her about lisa's request. and i told AD that joelis have been very sweet and the most understanding kids that i know... bonus coz their are mine :) they seldom request for things... and when lisa made the request few weeks back, i just cant say 'no' although i have my 'constraints' and as i was talking to AD, i just cried... :``( i could not stop it... and i felt ashamed with AD, when i know i shouldn't. he's the closest person to me right now.. i should be talking to him. but i was too embarrassed. *sigh*

and now i know, old folks said, if you are too happy... you will end up crying... ?? huh??? or i guess, the strong mommy has collapsed yesterday...

October 29, 2008

feelings... nothing more than feelings

i like what my friend wrote in her notes... :) what am i doing blogging and reading the internet? well, we are normal human beings and we need a break once in a while. we are no robots who can work for straight 8 hours a day!!! as long as you get your work done on time, i dont see why we cant jump in and out certain pages... duhhh...

Feelings..nothing more than feelings...
I wrote a comment recently on my fb profile..just impromptu, expressing the feeling of the moment we Aries are famous for (getting ourselves into trouble, and getting out of them even faster). It went, "Shari is heart broken...i wonder if a UHU glue can fix it"...

I was not surprise to get a response from mostly women. I was surprise however, to get a respond from one man. I hate to generalize but, most men are emotional retards. When a woman say something emotional, they tend to freeze, thinking she needs a solution. Most men I come across, find it easier to win a war, than to handle their own emotions even, let alone another woman's..ergo, emotional retards....Women on the other hand, will talk and talk and talk until they decided to stop talking about it altogether. read more

i hope you guys can get to the link. :) and i remember many days back, when we both AD and i were about to have dinner... AD was saying, 'sweetheart, can you please put for me the rice on the plate... show me some love...' and i actually broke into laughter... in fact i am smiling while typing this and remembering that moment.. hee hee :D and yes of course i prepared his dinner at that time... and started to joke about it... just that... i used to do that for him... me being asian, i guess... but somehow he made it so casual that, i dont need to prepare everything so detail for him. but i guess, i should just be me, and do whatever i think is proper, dont you think? hmmmm... and ein is thinking again

why larr?

last night was really hot!! i came back early from work. saw my mom was already busy in the kitchen. preparing dinner. my aim was to settle most of the clothes. so, i went straight upstairs, had a shower. went back downstairs, collected all the clothes outside. my dad collected some dry clothes behind the house. you guys must be imagining that we had a lot of clothes to settled!! yeap ur right!! i spent almost half a day on monday to wash the clothes! with 2 washing machines!! well anyway, after that, i went upstairs where joelis were already halfway folding some of the clothes. so i sat there with mountain of clothes!! and watch the nanny! yey.... then, it was praying time. stopped for a while... and continue again... :( and later i searched for joelis' school uniform for me to iron. i knew i am going to be working late tonight, so i'd better iron extra till friday. it was really hot la last night. i was sweating like crazy!! lisa gave me a singlet for me to change when she saw me sweating... hahhaa... she said that i smelled like after a netball game... iyugghhh... :P lisa was so sweet to help me keep all the folded clothes. joey slept earlier.. :) ehhh i wanted to post about something else laaa... :P

October 28, 2008

happy me :D :D

i am just cleaning up my phone and i found a few photos that i took. must have thought of updating my blog when i took those photos :) my new pajamas that my elder sister bought from london... made me so so very happy!! why??? hehehe.. because its a frog pajamas!!! wuhhuuuu



here are photos of my dad's kebun :D heh.. heh.. well not his actually. beside our house there is an abandoned piece of land. the owner did not build a house. so most of the time the land will grow i dont know what trees... so what my dad did was, pay someone to clean up the land and he planted some fruits and vegetables... no worries, my dad already asked permission from the land owner :) so here are the pics of us inspecting the area... ahaksss...



and another one, me with my new punjabi suit :) :P tried to pose like that model but tak jadi la... hahaha... :D but did not take a full photo... jadik la ekkkk.... :D



goshhh i need to go for my manicure!! its getting so difficult to type now :P

skytrex adventure

october 18th, 2008: it was a busy day... had someone to view the guesthouse in the morning. we were supposed to go for an open house but time was too short. andy and i rushed back to my parents' home, fetched joelis, and we head on to bukit cerakah. i dont really remember how to get there. we convoyed with linda, andy's trainee. i was praying hard so that it wont rain when we reached there. we got there just after 2pm. the place was nice. joelis already looked excited!! andy looked err... whats these?? hehehe :D and me, being the over protective mom, almost not letting my joelis to do all that... joey looked frustrated... but then... when i knew there was an area for children... i was okay to let him do all the challenges.. and lisa joined the adults.. i was nervous allowing them to do all that, to be honest! but anyway... joey enjoyed himself most!!! see more pics in our album. yes!! we will definitely come here again, maybe in the morning next time. hopefully it wont rain. :) andy was teasing me all the way coz he said that i chickened out... hehehe... i did not, just that, why should i pay for something that i dont really enjoy? :P duuhhh... but i am happy to see joelis happy!!


October 23, 2008

sshhh

i am seated here at my workplace. couldnt get that much things done. my laptop keeps on hanging on me. LOL.. does that makes sense? i dont know how else to describe that. err this is not supposed to be the posting.. i have 2 other posting in the draft folder. my laptop is getting cranky and i could not upload the pictures. so.. i will blab blab here first. i called up home, no one picks up the phone. joelis did not answer their phone. my sister did not answer her phone. so, what else?? oh... i need to ask our tea lady if she can help to cook for this saturday. maybe i should go to the other building. of perhaps i should be doing some reading right now. and today, i would say that i am grateful to have a good assistant :) and i am feeling like i am floating... hmmmm... why ah? could it be because of my my caesar salad for lunch? maybe i should go to the gym after office today.

October 16, 2008

isk.. isk... i am cool

happily i called up angelina on the way home yesterday. hik..hik.. hik... i am back to me... my stupid concern had been settled. gosh... see, told ya... it was just me and my stupid thoughts. it was raining after work yesterday. i was supposed to have a meeting at 830pm and to wait till 830pm at the office is so not me at the moment yesterday. so, there i was at AD's place, thought i could find him in the gym coz i knew he has a trainee at that time. but when i reached the gym, it was dark.. so went straight to his place.. and he was surprised to see me.. :D well, anyway, we went down after prayer to have dinner at the cafe near his place. he was being talkaltive as usual.. telling lots of his stories... his past.. and he was laughing about it. and he asked me at one point of time. 'so, have you got any stories to share?' and my answer was, 'nahhh.. my life (that particular section) was not as colorful as yours' and he just smiled at me. the conclusion is, i asked him the questions that i kept since monday... *roll of eyes* and yey!!! alhamdulillah... i worried too much :P har... har... har... shame on you ein!!! just because you have been played before, does not mean all of 'them' are like him. as i have learned that some people settled for a relationship for his own convenience.. well, not that i say it is wrong coz every one is free to make a decision.. just that before making a certain decision, its not nice to hurt other people's feelings, right? or.. not? so, what i had with AD.. after the experience that i had with someone, i asked him all the questions that i have in my head... i dont want at the end of the day.. the excuse was, 'we cant have a relationship coz you are a moslem...' duhhh... WTF... ehh... i am off track!!! :P

i came home early last night... skipped other things.. told AD that somehow this week, i just feel wanna be home early and be with joelis. and he said, 'then be home baby.... be with kids' and i smiled back at him... i have been in between junction for the past few days... 50% on work and 50% my heart is with joelis.. and..... i am so glad that being with AD, he made wonderful plans... and this week, we are going for an adventure!! AD, joelis and i..... and guess what, we... or lisa chose going for the adventure than attending 2 open houses.. and we are so looking forward to this... :D and expect pictures people... lisa has been to the place during her camping session some time ago... and just hope that this time joelis can join doing the challenging things there!!

hmmm what else? oh yes... it was my younger sister's birthday yesterday... plan at home is... wait till my elder sister comes back from london on friday which is tomorrow, then we'll celebrate. perhaps we should do double celebration... since it was the fasting month during my youngest sister's birthday the other day.

before i forget... there was a blackout at home last night.. it seems that a tree has fallen on the electric cable or something... so we were all in the dark.... and hot!! lisa was busy lighting the candles.. and i dont know what she was doing walking in and out the rooms... and the same goes with my mom.. hehehe :D joey and i had a good time in bed spending our own quality time.. me, helping him answering his potential questions/interview to be a school prefect.

joey asked me, 'ma, will you be glad if i get selected?'
'yes i will be if you are glad about it'
'some of the students are not happy ma. they say its stressful to be a prefect'
'well, ya.. it could be.. and you have been bullied in school. how are you going to face that?'
'hmmm... yeahh... '
'maybe you can get a bodyguard??' i said, jokingly to him... and i see the grin.... amboi...!!!

we tried to sleep... and joey was sweating like crazy... i told him to take off his tshirt.. i took a card and fan him till he fell asleep... and i was awaken by AD's call!! duhhh... nak kena cubit nie.... kacau jer orang tido tau... isk .. isk... he just finished a meeting... and after talking to him... i went back to sleep... it was really nice to sleep after listening to someone that you love... aahh... jiwang karat... siot!!! :P

October 14, 2008

me and my moodi-ness

i believe every one knows this. when a man says 'nothing' it really meant 'nothing' but, when a woman says 'nothing' it may meant 'there is something' well... not all the time but most of the time. and i am in that mode right now.. simply because i saw/& read something yesterday. which, being me.. as usual, if i were to ask him.. it is actually nothing that i should be concern about? :O :P but .. me being me again... until i have 'the talk' with him... i will be like this... :( which makes me hate myself. i just dont feel like doing anything. him, as usual being chirpy.. and happy... i just cant lie about my feelings. :( he asked me last night which went like,

'sweetheart, what is wrong?'
and me... trying to ignore that question, continue doing the dishes.
'sweetheart, you better talk to me. i can do the washing later'
me... 'what?' trying to avoid again..
'i know something is wrong. i can see from your face'.
'oh yeah?... hehehehe :D' trying to giggle although God knows whats in my head :(
'faster... i am listening now'
'nothing la...' when of course there is something!! darn!!
'okay.. if you dont want to tell me'
'yeah... what makes you think there's something?' trying to give him the blur face.
'oh.. hahaha... i can see straight from your face!!'
'ok laa.. i need to go now..'
'hmmmm....'

and me... famous of leaving the situation unsettled... and entertaining the questions in my head... duhhh :O

October 10, 2008

TGIF

shopping: i am poorer by rm160 today, but i am happy :) well, women, they go shopping when they are stressed. am i stressed? nope... not exactly, i am just using that excuse to buy things... :P hehehe :D AD's gonna kill me when he knows how i spent the money that he gave me yesterday :P his guess was wrong. he said i was gonna wash my hair at the saloon and i denied it... ahaks... well anyway... damaged has been done. i was at brickfields area and the punjabi suits were lovely!!! i just had to... hey diwali is 2 weeks away... we are malaysians... arent we? :P

2 women: next, i have been meeting .. well not really meeting as in meeting.. but i see them almost daily. 2 women who like to sit at the stairways. not that it is wrong but somehow after many times seeing them there, i just feel like writing something. you know, both will be seated there every day during lunch time. both are wearing 'tudung' and they will smoke. if not smoking, they will be playing with their handphones. during the last fasting month they did the same too. well, you know, women when they have their menstruals, they dont fast... but, do they get it everyday?? :O duhh.... no wonder other people lost their respect towards moslems nowadays... [ yeah yeah yeah.. i have my mistakes too :( ]

my issues: not really ... hehehe :D yeah i have been feeling not nice. i just cant keep things from AD. he knew something is wrong with me. and we talked it out last night. i just love talking to him. i was so afraid to talk about the issues coz i am worried with what he might think of me. but... *phew* i was relieved when he was really open about it :) and i felt much lighter. and i am looking forward for the weekend... with open houses... and being with my joelis :)

October 9, 2008

she did a wonderful job!

when it comes to creativity... i would salute my youngest sister, N4... these are what she did... yeaa... like she has nothing better to do at her office?? yak yak yak... :P


October 8, 2008

law of attraction

it seems to be working so well with me right now that i get scared. i was thinking of my gf the other day and told AD about it, the next day, she called AD and we met up!

i was thinking of ML yesterday and today she called me up at the office to talk about my court case. although of course the news is not that pleasing :(

i have been having this thought about AD and i dont remember the last time he said he loved me, and moments ago, i received an sms from him telling me that he loves me *grin* well i didnt want to be childish about it, but i am a woman... hahaha... sometimes we need to know, right? err.. no? hehhe i am being ridiculous, i know.. i just love him :P

hmmmm what else would i think of now? will it happen? i am scared to think of anything now...coz of the what ifs....

i know what i hate... i hate to see the messy-ness of the clothes in the maid's room. yeah yeah yeah... we are so used to having maids around. call us spoilt if you want but thats who we are. we pay for convenience.. err..right? err...no? :O

AD and i had this conversation on the way to my office this morning, about having maids around. and maybe, that issue sort of bothers me now.. of course, i want the privacy with joelis and AD at home. our own home i mean. but... no maid? :( i can... of course i can.... err can i?? oh my.. i should talk this out with him. not that it is happening soon but, we still have to talk about it right? or is it just me who likes to worry to early?? aarrgghhhh...

mixed feeling

nothing seemed to be working right now. the words that describe what i feel are
messy
helpless
exhausted
frustrated
tired
bored
sick

OMG... they are all the negative words :O

October 7, 2008

bluech.. wekk.. yeckk

i dont know why but i am feeling not nice right now... its like something is not right somewhere... or something is not completed...[apart from work that is] hmmm... why ahhh... gosh i dont like this feeling lah... :(

anyway, i went to visit my gf's newborn just now. so cute... :) baby looked really fresh from the oven... hahaha mummy's tummy. :P it's a boy... last week was my boss' baby... hmm how nice... *sigh* i have this sentimental thingy about newborns nowadays... alaaaa tomel tomel nyaaa..... :*

ahhh gotta finish what i am doing now coz i have few things to settle... sending out my boxes to my distributor in bandung :) yezzaa.... :D

and now my whole body is aching after my gym session yesterday... hahaha LOL... yeaa after 3 weeks not going to the gym and started back yesterday... baru padan muka :P aduss... tolongg... AD... have mercy!!! :P

and perhaps, i wasnt really comfortable with the topic that AD and i talked about last night.. maybe he wasnt comfortable too? i dunno... i have been assuming too much nowadays. dunno why dont i just be honest with him. i should but i am not doing it. why? i dunno... there you go... the fav phrase for today - 'i dunno' and i JUST HATE it when i am not done talking people hang up on me!!!! SHUCKKSSS!!!! goshhhh....

aaahhhhhhhh i better go home now!!!

October 6, 2008

jus lemme' do this..

puhleez...puhleez... i needed this therapy.. really!!

love is in the air: yeupp... you read it right... do i hear wedding bells... soon?? yeup... you read it right again!!! everyone is getting excited.. but the next challenging hurdle needs to be crossed... yeup... our daddy... i believe he needs to accept that his daughter(s) all are grown ups... but then again... fathers.... we understand :) whatever it is, all of us, the sisters are getting so excited... looking for potential places for aqad and also the reception... ehemmm... hmmm siapa yang excited lebih2 ni hah???? looking forward for november 2008 and next.... looks like we will be busy... new dresses!! yezzaa... it has been many years since the last wedding at home!!! so, its about time huh... get the ball rolling gals!!! insyaAllah... this is what jodoh is all about..

i had my own ups and downs few days back... just needed to let out too... and out of the house for awhile.. thanks AA... i believe it was natural too, but you know what i meant and i am sure you understand my situation too :) that's what love is all about huh... sacrifice :) and i am willing, with all my heart...

October 4, 2008

hari raya 2008

we had a great time time this year... :) it was different as AD celebrated hari raya for the first time with us. 1st day we were in kl... had my parents' friends coming over, some relatives who were in kl... and later in the afternoon we went out, AD, me and joelis... went to lisa's best friend's house and my boss' house. all of us were in blue attire. AD refused to wear the sampin... ada ke dia kata itu skirt... hahah lawak lah...

2nd raya, we went balik kampung... we were in brown this time. AD was sweating like crazy... hehehe... kesian dia... dah la terpijak batu with his new capal. heh..heh.. well, he asked for the capal, it wasnt my idea. but i guess the capal has a bit of heels... and he is not used to it.. dah terpele'ot.. food was not as nice as previous years... dont know why laa.. oh yes, N3's bf came along too this time..

as i am typing all these now... we are still busy at home coz my mom is inviting her friends and relatives to the house today. err... i'd better stop blogging for a while.. :P

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