Wednesday, June 4, 2008

the blown fuse

i believe love needs sacrifice. understanding. respect... bla.. bla... this is not love class 101. but i am just letting go what i personally feel. lots of things have been going around since the last i wrote in my blog.

what hurts:
  • my sadness - more of kecik hati
  • joelis' frustration - you can read more in their blogs
what put a smile on my face:
  • meaningful time with close friends, be it on the phone or just a simple lunch session.
  • put up my priority straight - cancelled 3 out of 5 credit cards!!! - isnt that great??!!
  • having more time for myself and joelis
  • doing what i love to do
  • ein rules!!! - if you think you know so much about women, you dont know what ein can do when it comes to men *wink* - AA... thanks... :)
  • delicious char kuey teow.. - SA.. thanks :)
  • impromptu karaoke session - AS... thank you :)
my weakness: when i get hurt, it takes time for me to heal. i will become very reserved and quiet. every single thing that is said, i might take it seriously. i will start to distance myself to avoid more confrontation. easier to be said, you might get a silent treatment from me. there is no joke in my book during that moment. tears will be in my eyes all of a sudden, each time i started to recall that moment. it has been more than a week now that he hurt my feelings.

my thought: if you wanna do something, and somehow, if that little voice tells you that by you doing that, someone might get hurt - by your action. it certainly means that you know what you are about to do is wrong. not totally wrong as in you can get a summon but, you know, that the person who loves you will get hurt by your action. and there will be 2 options, dont do it or you do it anyway and hoping that your loved one will not know. and most of the time --> *buzsttt* wrong button! the effect, the trust has been wounded. and it is very difficult to act normal after that. the disease called suspicious will attack most of the time. and it is definitely unhealthy. and the feeling is so not nice. and if you trully loves that person that you are with, the guilt will haunt. and it will show on the face, actions and word.

will it be back to normal? i dont know... but ein was hurt

just dont test my patience... i dont beg for love