Thursday, May 10, 2007

what is a 'player' or a 'playa?'

okay guys... i did not write this myself. got it in my email from my youngest sister who gets paid for reading other people's blogs... hahah yeaa right.. :P well, anyway, i find this write up really interesting..simply because i was a victim before. hence, i can relate... although never come across my mind that a so-called 'friend' would have the heart to do that...what is done, is done.. i have learnt my lesson and not to trust him again at least not the way that i had trusted him before. :) read this guys... :)
Some people (who I won't mention) said I need more interesting content. Well, I'll try with this very interesting and provocative topic -"What is a Player/Playa".

Commonly, a playa is a person who is dishonestly juggling multiple relationships at a time. They usually have each person thinking they're the only one and that its serious. When in reality they're not attached to anyone and getting what they can from every person involved. Its about using people and playing with their emotions. Playas can be male or female.

Well, lets analyze the above statement shall we. Lets break it down!

A Person: Can be male, female, gay or straight. Most likely attracted to males, females, gays or straight people.

I think it means not telling the truth on any kind of level, ie, small or large. Or omitting truths or telling half truths to avoid detection or guilt.

Multiple Relationships: Ah, this one is difficult. What can you define as a relationship? Casual conversation to sex everyday can mean someone is having a relationship. For the interest of argument, a relationship in this case would be some kind of mutual attraction, be it MENTIONED OR NOT that constitutes some kind of activity together. In fact, there not much relating going on if you don't have contact, i.e. telephone, email, lunch, dinner, movie, etc...

But wait, aren't friends also people who we have relationships with too? This brings us to the differences between friends and the people you fancy. I personally think the difference with my friends and the people i want to get to know more deeply is Intimacy. I can't get intimate with Shawn. He's a guy and I know his gf. Ok.. Ok, lets go further, I've got a really close friend called X, we stayed together in the states for 1 1/2 years and I can almost tell her anything. One thing I can't do is get intimate with her. Mutually, we both consider each other friends and I am/She is not interested in pursuing an intimate relationship. This will FOR SURE destroy the friendship.

Well, how about confused friends? People rarely talk about those people. A confuse friend is when a person becomes attracted to their friend. Therefore, they need to decide whether to remain friends, or take a step in creating a deeper relationship (bf or gf). There is a thin line. And if that person crosses that line, there is no reprieve or turning back. Only a few things that can come as an outcome to this sticky situation:
1. You move to the next level of intimacy,
2. Your friendship is rejected (awkward la),
3. You become lesser friends (after a short chat)...

Ok, so we roughly have an idea of the difference between a friend and bf/gf/etc. It boils down to intimacy. I won't even DARE touch my best friends hand, cheek, or legs in a non-joking manner or purposeful manner. But as for a person who has the hots, they'd display many behaviors such as touching, sitting closely, having frequent and lengthy chats, long-eye contact, etc etc. Remember though, these can happen subconsciously and without realization.

Ok, now, let’s get back to the definition above again. Multiple. Having more than 1 relationship with a relatively high intimacy level. This is in essence, Playing, or Playin'. No matter how it’s turned and looked at, any attachment with multiple relationships at one time constitutes playin'.

Not Attached:
This is the clincher. They can bail at any time. Playa's will not delve too deep into the relationship (as there is risk of actually falling in real love) and maintain this with all the relationships. Example, I'm a playa with 3 relationships: A, B, and C. I get all attracted to me (of course, as a playa, you'll need some GAME -some really good game). So I start playing and juggling. Of course, how busy I am will depend on the number of relationships I'm involved in. Again, A, B, or C's relationship can range from casual to highly sexual, but it will involve attraction and some level of intimacy. When C starts getting serious or wants to move on (like normal relationships do), I'll cut it off or just hit the slow button by giving my reasons. And at the end of it all, I could just JET.

Playing with their emotions: Ok, this sounds meaner that it actually is and it really depends on the playa.
If the playa is a guy, then it could get really ugly man. This guy could potentially just want to get into your panties, your wallet, your fathers business (yeah, i know)... whatever. If it was a female playa, its mainly to just mingle around without getting hurt or into a serious relationship. This could apply to guys too... Anyway, what kind of Emo-play are we talking about here??? Example, playa A and C, the playa knows that C is attracted. Then the playa calls C regularly, but when the playa feels lazy or bored, C will stop getting calls. This will in turn cause a reaction from C. But the playa, being in the position of power, can either ignore or do whatever the playa wants. The whole idea of playing with emotions is POWER and the feeling that the playa is in CONTROL. I bet it’s an addictive feeling to have people dwelling at your finger tips!

Conclusion, at the end of the day, if you are considering to be a playa, just consider some of the risk factors:
1. You'll loose trust. Nobody will trust you and in times, you'll loose your own self trust.
2. Karma. What goes around comes all the way back around (its not just the chorus in Justin Timberlake's song okie). This is so true, play with people; you'll end up getting played,
3. And the clincher, when you do fall in love for the so-called "the one", you may end up getting played or in the advance stages of your relationship (i.e., marriage) they will get tired of your ways and probably leave you.

Remember, playin in an attitude in a package. There are many negative traits a playa would inherit. I.e. vanity, over-confidence, too much pride, lying, etc etc. So think before you play!

How about those getting played??? well, this is the sad part. You probably won't get anything of your relationship. All you hope for can amount to nothing. So, what’s the best thing to do??? Just excuse yourself and leave. It’s the only way. But do expect some resistance from the playa, because when you leave, it’s against the rule of the game for them. You are not supposed to leave; you're supposed to get left. So, the playa can potentially try to tie you up with any ammo they got. It’s not because they like you (or might a like you a bit), but it’s for them to feel the power and pride. Also another aspect to being the played is that you must realize and accept these facts. If any of the above we talked about is happening, don't just go into denial. Realize the situation, and ACT on it. Remember too that the playa may be in denial too, and may not present a clear playing situation. You just have to be smarter than that. :)

Ok ok, that was long. And I know you must wonder why i picked this topic. Well, I think its interesting part of understanding interpersonal relationships and socializations and its defects. Maybe I can help a few people realize that they are in fact playin or getting played. But most of all, I just wanted to add content to my blog that was actually provocative in nature. Was it really tough??? You decide for yourself...

Please do leave comments for arguments or additions.

Additional Information: Why do playa's play??? Well, I can think of a few reasons like if a person was previously normal, they might have been subject to many bad relationships, they may also have and ideal age they intend to get serious with relationships, they have been influenced by a third party, and they may have had a problem childhood (nah, just kidding wei).

aaahhh.. it's so true... :)