Wednesday, January 17, 2007

ora iso turu

apakah motif gambar giraffe ini sebenarnya??? hahaha tak de pa per...saja.. :P ahak..ahak...

its 330am, wednesday morning. keep on either getting up the same time for the past few days, or cant sleep till late. joey asked me as I was driving home yesterday if I was going to be doing my work in the middle of the nite like the nite before. and I said, ‘yes, if I wake up and could not sleep’. maybe I should put a disclaimer before I continue writing this today. I was told to take note of my thots and that’s what I am doing right now. this wont be in aturan…. I will just blurt it out… no I am not trying to drop hints on anyone, but just a matter of putting my thots on paper. kejap…I am trying to remember my dream.. just before I got up… ahhh… cant remember details. oh yes, joey is down with chicken pox.. :) kesian dia.. and he was chasing lisa all over the house today just to scare lisa. hihihihihi..:D my nieces and nephew had it 2 weeks ago. just hope that joey will recover on time for his exam end of jan 2007. he has been counting how many what do you call that.. bumps on his body.. I found one on his hand last nite while accompanying him with his homework. my younger sister panicked! hahaha.. joey find it exhilarating to scare his aunt and sister.. was about to plan to bring them to visit the ‘eye of the world’ at taman tasik titiwangsa. and oh yess… isn’t my elder sister gonna throw a birthday party for her son this weekend? alamak… joey pulak kena quarantine like my nephew during his party last weekend. pause.

next thot… ‘having a relationship with married men/women does not bring you anywhere. It’ll only scar some part of your heart and waste your time and energy in giving your heart for him/her’. yeup… those who are involved in an affair are jerks. hehehe.. well, sorry la siapa yang terkena tu. as usual… my intention is to voice out to people out there. I once told a friend that ‘anything that makes you happy and you know that it is wrong, it is temporary’. cherish what you have with your own partner. realize what more you can do for him/her and you… waahhhh cakap senang! Lol…!! Stop right there… ;-) I know so. it’ll be the same old pattern. Waiting.. being there for him/her.. missing him/her.. when he/she is to occupied with his/her own spouse and family.. and there you are… not giving what you are supposed to give to your own loved ones. tak caya gi la tengok cerita 'cinta'! hahaha...No.. I am no expert… but.. *sigh* itu laa.. reality sucks.. yes, it is a matter of the heart, susah nak control… but… you can do something about it. So, get out while you still can… coz I know someone who’s out, and have moved on.

kadang2 kita akan terfikir if this the path that we want? Or, is this the right route that we should be taking… do I get out of the tunnel… seeing the lite at the end of it? It takes effort.. yes.. courage… yeup.. patience… very the… understanding.. it has to be mutual.. doesn’t it? And the thot came… no matter what the outcome is.. I am not going back there. No matter how difficult it is to wade across it… I will not look back. I might stop half way, and be content at where I can be… but I am not going back there. hope no longer resides in my personal dictionary. yes, I can have the glimpse of it, feel/look at it… something like looking at the shooting star.., but I will not dwell on it, until it materialize. Or maybe, hope works halfway for me..? appears for a while… and… vanishes when I forget where I am… as I am typing this.. I can feel that my chest becomes heavy… sign that I am feeling the pressure. started to have sleepless nites. question that I often ask myself. can a person make other people happy and be happy himself? it can work that way…for a while.. or at least until it last ;-) most of the time… ehhmm I dunno.. it needs sacrifice. be yourself. how can I, whenever I am about to be myself… I get stopped... partners are not trophies that can be kept at one corner, and take them out when you feel like showing them to some... some may feel comfortable and confident once they’ve achieved it. it might be easy to get them but it needs effort to nurture and sustain. it may be different from what used to be done and gone thru.. partners need to feel that they are being appreciated…care for.. being thought of.. who says that it’s an easy job? that’s where communication comes in.. yeaa.. I know.. I know.. I am jumping here and there.. and please be reminded, that I am realizing my thots here… not analyzing.. just jotting them down. at some point of time, you will learn to accept.. but at another point of time, you will start to realize.. why am I giving in so much? do i look that hopeless that I abandon my own needs to fulfill others’?... I wanna be where I am needed.. to complete what’s missing… not to be a standby (been there and done that).. Eerrkkss…. Clock shows 440am! why do I still feel like this?? Arrrghhh.. hate those questions… they are still nailed in my head!!! Get them out!!! it's 500am…as I continue typing… and I still feel the pressure.. and my buddy will start to say…chill out….. duhh… hehehe… yea… missed my buddy. Alahhh.. sure dia tengah tido lena.. cheh… can I miss my buddy and *toot* at the same time? Hahahaha… saper kata takleh… I am doin it now..;-) thinking of my buddy makes me relaxed… and thinking of my *toot* makes me smile.. so? entertain je laaa… tapi.. susah…:P buddy sudah ada gf… :) and buddy doesn’t talk to me abt his gf anymore.. hmmm I guess I haven’t got the chance to educate buddy enough on having a gf… :D he is so abt himself… at times.. but I know when he is with his gf, he devoted his mind fully for her. Ye ke?? Hehhehehe :D entah… I rasa lah.. that’s how he has been doin so far, that I know ;-). Tapi… hati pompuan kena jaga jugak… jangan asyik bz nak suruh orang jaga hati u different, be different jugak tapi sekali sekala flexi la sket..kesian gf u, nanti makan hati.. alamak… bunyi anjing…!! Suspen nyer… ok laa… got to sleep.. 1.5 hours more to go… before kena bangun dah.. :)

Me…signing off…510am… *yawn*!!.. nak peluk joey…:D lisa sleeps in my mom’s room..takut jangkit chicken pox… hahhaha..


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