Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Walk Away

How can I start to say ?
The pain I feel this very day
Got your letter in the mail
you wrote that our love has failed
Said you needed space to see
the person that you're meant to be
And it means excluding me
then maybe you're got to be free

All you said was how
I'm never there when you need me around
I never see the sorrow you feel
So baby now I'm telling you

You can walk away
I won't say a single word to make you stay
No I won't cry, won't ask the reason why
Why you ever said goodbye
But baby you will never know
How much I really love you so
It won't be easy lettin' go
I'll lead my life
But you won't see the tears I shed inside

Walk around this house
So confused I feel so lost
Picturing the memories of how things used to be
Sometimes I wondered why, I let you love me
You made me cry
How could the sweetest soul turn around
And act this cold

If all you need was someone to be here
I was there for you
I'll be the one that you need
Don't walk away
Please stay

Artist: Dayang Nurfaizah

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

bingkisan doa...

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku...sekiranya aku lalai dalam tanggungjawabku, aku memohon ampun dan maaf.
Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, sekiranya aku lupa untuk bersyukur, ketahui lah bahawasanya, aku lah hambaMu yang amat bersyukur dengan pemberianMu.
Dengan secepat kilat Kau kurniakan pada aku dan sepantas angin ia pergi, aku masih bersyukur kerana sekelumit itu ia telah mendatangkan kebahagiaan untuk diri hambaMu ini. Sekiranya ini adalah satu lagi ujian dariMu untuk ku, Ya Allah ya Tuhanku... sesungguhnya, akan ku hadapi walau hanya Kau yang tahu betapa beratnya hati ini untuk menempuhnya lagi... dan aku masih berdoa...

Ya Allah...
Seandainya telah engkau catatkan....
Dia milikku tercipta buatku....
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku...
Titipkanlah kebahagian antara kami...Agar kemesraan itu abadi...
Dan ya Allah... ya tuhanku yang maha mengasihi....
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini ....
Ke tepian yang sejahtera dan abadi...

Tetapi ya Allah....
Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan...Dia bukan milikku....
Bawalah ia jauh dari pandangan ku....
Luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku....
Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan....
Serta ya Allah ya tuhanku yang maha mengerti....
Berikanlah aku kekuatan....

Dan ya Allah yang tercinta...Gantikanlah yang telah hilang...
Tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah....
Walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya... Ya Allah ya tuhanku...
Pasrahkan lah aku dengan takdirmu....
Sesungguhnya apa yang telah engkau takdirkan....
Adalah yang terbaik buatku...Kerana engkau maha mengetahui....
Segala yang terbaik buat hamba Mu ini...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

chill out session

10.50pm: just got back from damas… went straight to the kitchen.. my auntie was at the kitchen chatting with my younger sister while my mom watching tv downstairs. joelis are asleep.. went to my mom’s room..kissed both of them… dah tido while watching tv rupanya.
had another good session with CM and SS. Shared a lot of funny stories..had a good time laughing at myself and acting silly. as usual kena kutuk kow2 by both of them… nahh.. not from SS…she will just smile there lookin… BUT, CM is having a great time kutukking me..that’s for sure! I needed that… just need them to make me realized that I have changed. I have become someone who is just not me.. why? well, before I even got the answer.. they got the answer for me.. I was too afraid.. I was too afraid of getting hurt.. and I was being too careful that I forgot who I am… who I was… where is the ‘jawe’ whom they know..?? the cool person… ‘jawe’ who rocks… ‘jawe’ has become a ‘chick’…. arrghhh… hated that… kutuk siol… okay.. okay… I am back to reality. :D hehehe… thanks girls… thanks for slapping me right to my face tonite! And yeupp.. I know you two are gonna have another great time reading this… wakakaka :D tak pe laa… other than korang pening pikir pasal hampers.. baik entertain yourselves reading my blog! yeaaa right… :D and yes.. I am sure ‘him’ is capable of solving whatever is bugging ‘him’ right now. no matter what… I will let ‘him’ know whenever I think of ‘him’.. alaaa simply… tak kisah la dia reply ke tidak.. but just like ‘him’ to know that I do think of ‘him’ often.
CM, SS… yeup.. I am cool… btw, my younger sister called when I was with my gfs just to make sure that I don’t do crazy things.. hahaha… I was having dinner then at unc don.. sate perut.. yummy.. had 5 cucuks.. and rojak Singapore.. and also sharing mee hoon siam with CM. banyak tuh aku makan… yea..yea… tak pe… makan selagi sihat orang kata.. ahakss.. tapi apa-apa pun I had fun tonite… dah bangun more than 10 times just to say… ‘okay, I better get home’! tapi tak jugak…. duduk balik.. gelak balik.. hehehe… by 10.15pm, I said… ‘okay girls…this is for real.. I am going back now!’ and another silly thing… I went to pay for the parking ticket… ended up having to pay RM8 for parking… and I thot I wanted to get rid of my coins.. ingat kan banyak sangat lah kan… aleh2.. my coins were only RM3… and I had to masukkan a RM10 note… and the machine gave me another RM5 of coins!!!! what the #$@!… and rasa macam nak bang my head to the machine… kelakor okay… rasa malu jer kalau orang kiri kanan nampak.. hahaha… and I was laughing at myself.. mata dah ngantuk… layan lagu madonna.. blasted volume till 19…lagu material girl… best jugak .. dah lama tak dengar lagu tuh.. ingat zaman2 muda dulu.. oh yes.. Angelina smsed… ‘oit, aku dah beli baju baru… bila nak kuar’ and ahah… signal is on… angels are goin out again… yea… well, the 2 angels left me home last week. I was too tired to go out.. by 930pm sudah selamat berlayar… but hey.. I wanna dance!! CM, SS lemme know if you girls wanna join… get your work done on friday nite kay…
*yawn* I am really sleepy now.. got to shower and sleep… time…11.36pm.. another long day at the office tomorrow… byk la pulak issue.. my aim for trow… get my website probs settled..or at least email all the errors to the developer.. and my newsletter…arrghh… I knew I should learn about illustrator… will jimat me a lot of time..getting them done. but what to do… dah tak reti… make do je la with apa yang ada..

me signing off…goodnite everybody… eh, sebelum terlupa… thanks CM for cindy’s new toy! ;-)

feelin like %$#@

have not been feelin like this for quite some time.. and when i thot all will be okay...obviously not.. why does it have to be this way...? why is it happening to me? why do i have to face all this ^%$#?? i dont need this now... diverting my thots elsewhere now. *taking a deep breath* it better be nothing.. james...jennifer...angelina... mayday!! ~ end :P
had another conversation with my little joey about 2 nites ago. :) before we both go to sleep... lisa still sleeps with my mom... still afraid of joey's chicken pox... hahaha:D
joey: maaa.
me: yes darling.. :)
joey: kalau dia dah warna hitam, is it good or bad? (he was referring to his chicken pox's scar)
me: well, that means, it is drying up..
joey: ye laa... is it good or bad?
me: okay..macam nie laa... kalau joey tak kopek...tak de scar... good la
joey: tapi kelly kopek kan... kat muka dia..
me: yeup... nanti jadik macam mama punya...ada scar... yang kat muka jangan usik.. kat tempat lain ok lagi..
joey: kat muka tak boleh ada scar?
me: ye..
joey: kalau ada scar?
me: iigghhh.... kalau ada scar nanti tak handsome lah!
joey: tapi unc WN ada scar, dia handsome jugak..
me: speechless.. *sigh* hemmm... what did u say?
joey: i said, unc WN ada scar... ada jahit2 kat tangan dia, dia handsome jugak...tak pe kan mama?
me: hemmm..
joey: tapi tak de kat muka dia kan mama?
me: hmmm entah...mama tak perasan pulak.. dah la..tido.. ngarut la..
joey: mumbling.... and baca his doa...
me: *smile*

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

cindy's back!!! yes.... after her disappearance act for more than 10 hours! okay.. unc WN, please be informed..:D *phew*... lega giler... last nite after the search party that we did...still cant seem to find her anywhere.. so berserah je la... i told lisa to keep the cage door open and leave some fresh food. after dinner, all of us went upstairs to watch tv...and fooling around.. joey became 'joey in the box..'..and lisa too! and suddenly we heard my dad shouting from the hall.... "cepat!! cindy dah balik...!!!" and 3 of us raced downstairs... :D and as promised... here are better pictures of cindy... :)

Monday, January 22, 2007

now and then...

3 Years Ago...

How old were you?
: 32

Where did you go to school?
: workin oredi laaa… where got school..

Where did you work?
: WZ

Where did you live?
: TK

Where did you hang out?
: I don’t hang out…

How was your hair style?
: shoulder length…I think

Did you wear glasses?
: no

Who was your best friend?
: always been charmene & ally

Who was your regular-person crush?
: 3 years back? Hehehe …james bond..

What car did you drive?
: Hyundai coupe

What was your worst fear?
: to be alone

Had you smoked yet?
: 3 years back? I don’t really..

Had you been arrested?
: never...

: married


January 2007...

How old are you?
: 34+ ..can aaa..?? hehehe :D

Where do you go to school?
: mander school dey…

Where do you work?
: WZ

where do u live?
: same place

Where do you hang out?
: lotus.. craven.. devi’s bangsar ..plaza damas

Do you wear glasses?
: no

Who are your best friends?
: diff people on case to case basis…hehehe :D

Who is your crush?
: none

What car do you drive now?
: citra

Hair now?
: shoulder length

Do you still smoke now?
: try not to... no

What is your biggest fear?
: losing my joelis

Have you been arrested?
: no

Has your heart been broken?
: yeup

: taken ;-)

Any regrets that you have from 3 years ago?
: no regrets…life goes on.


1. Words going on in your head?
+ doesn’t he misses me?

2. Where were you from?
+ born n raised in Kuala Lumpur..

3. What is the last thing you downloaded?
+ don’t remember

4. What is the time now?
+ 3.46 pm

5.What did you do for the last half an hour?
+ looking at templates that I need to choose from

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
+ yup..

7. How many kids do you want?
+ 4

8. Type of d person you DISLIKE most?
+ I dunno… cakap tak serupa bikin people

9. What types of music?
+ anything that I can dance to

10. Are you drunk?
+ No

11. do u like roller coasters?
+ not anymore...

12. Ever prank call anyone b4?
+ yup! 20 years ago

13. describe urself in 3 words?
+ think too much

14. Would you go indoor with outdoor?
+ doesn’t matter to me

15. Are you shy?
+ depends…

16. Do you think you're popular?
+ errr… huh?

17. What's the size of your bed?
+ queen

20. Best movie you've watched in the past.
+ stealth

22. Chips or popcorn?
+ chips

23. Have you ever broken anyone's heart?
+ i think so...

24. Have you skipped school?
+ nope

25. Are you a good cook?
+ used to be

26. Orange or Apple juice?
+ orange

27. Whom did you last go out to dinner/lunch with?
+ wids and sam

28. Where did you go?
+ tupai2

29. Best feeling in the world?
+ in love!

30. Have you ever broken a bone?
+ yeup…fractured.

31. Have you ever had a medal? when?
+ yup, last year.

32. What is your dream item?
+ dream item ni mender??

34. Do you still love your ex?
+ no

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
+ yes

36. Last things you bought at a pharmacy?
+ face cleanser

37. What are you going to do after this?
+ dunno yet

38. Are you a multi-tasking person?
+ I can be

39. Who would you like to meet now?
+ PC

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
+ not anymore

41. What's your favorite song?
+ don’t have any fav song currently

42.Where would you go for a romantic evening?
+ dinner by the beach

44. Last song stuck in your head?
+ dealova

45. whats on ur mind right now?
+ how long do I have to wait…

46. what is one thing you would like to learn to do?
+ ballroom dance

47. What do you do when you are bored?
+ sleep

48. How would you want someone to appreciate you?
+ show that you care

49. What do you love the most?
+ what or who??? can i say my frog collections...?? :D

50. What do you hate the most?
+ uncertainties

horoscope...22nd jan 2007

got this in my email today...

'emotionally you may feel tense - perhaps because someone close to you is simply disregarding the way you feel. you are feeling as if this person is much more concerned with themselves and their own issues, and not at all concerned about you. meanwhile, your sensitive, caring heart is well aware of everyone else, and you take great care to support others and be thoughtful of them and all of their affairs. it is time to rearrange your priorities - first care about yourself, then others'

Thursday, January 18, 2007


joelis asked for a hamster for so long. i ignored their request :).... bukan apa... we travel quite frequent.. kalau ada pet.. nanti gi travel pun tak tenang.. enough la my dad with his ayamsss... and plus.. siapa nak jaga, bersihkan, spend on food. bla..bla..blaa.. tapi akhirnya... after a few persuasions and assurance akhirnya.. and also ganging up with they're unc WN... i jugak tewas. they called her 'cindy'.. 2 days ago, my sister buat gempak... sent me an sms 'i think cindy is dying!' alamaks... see..i jugak panic... cannot la like this..dah start to be attached. it's fun watching her running up and down her cage. :) playing with the apa tu...yg wheels tu... smsed unc WN the same message... biasa la org pompuan..kalau panic tak leh nak pikir straight... i was actually on the way to my lawyer's office masa tu... mana nak carik jalan ke lawyer's ofc.. mana nak sms... mana nak pikir.. unc WN asked me to call the pet shop where we bought 'cindy'...ha'ah ehh...why didn't i think of that...duhh... so, i called up the shop and ask the salesboy what should i do.. so dia pun... bagi la lessons...hehehe:D... i got home that nite.. cleaned up the cage..again.. changed her food and drink.. soon after..dah active balik!! yey... super mom...;) so now, everyday in the morning, i will give her fresh food and after work, i will clean the mess that she did during the day. hmmm... see... akaq jugak yang kena buat.. already told joelis and everyone at home to leave 'cindy' alone for a week for her to be okay balik... coz dia stressed... hahaha.. nanti later2 will put up better picture of her.. ;)

memories... sweet :)

din wanna write too much abt PC and i... nanti org baca bosan... but.... ahhh... my blog...suka hati i laa... hahaha... well anyway... i was cleaning up my inbox at frenster yesterday and i found these.. it made me smile....again... and again.... hehehe :D discussed about it with PC just now... and it's ok with him if i wanna put it up here.. nothing has been changed, except the email add.. ;-) read thru...

From: Him
Date: Wednesday, 15 June , 2005 5:15 PM
Subject: Hello you...
Message: Nice profile... ;-)

From: Him
Date: Thursday, 16 June, 2005 12:53 AM
Subject: Re: Hello you...
Message: JG! Is that you....??? JG from XXXX! I remembered you... not sure if you remembered me... PC- from XX...

Didn't look at your photos before... but suddenly it oocured to me that I know this person!

Hope you're well. How's thigns with you these days anyway?

Anyway drop me a line sometime.

To: Him
Date: Thursday, 16 June, 2005 10:33 AM
Subject: Re: Hello you...
Message: hahahaha... Bingo Him! Yeup...its me JG from XXXX. When I first got the msg from you, i i know this guy.. :D but wanted to wait for your response first.

So, how have u been doing?

Well, we have never really talked to each other before, right?

From: Him
Date: Thursday, 16 June, 2005 3:15 PM
Subject: Re: Hello you...
Message: Hello again JG...Small world! Didn't we ever speak to each other? I thought we did... or was I dreaming? hahahaha I know we sort of met again in PUO....briefly.

Anyway... thigs are pretty good thanks. After leaving PUO, flew to the UK to do my degree and ending up living here. I'm currently still in the UK and have been for the last 10 years...

I'm being transferred over to the KL office in 2 weeks time...flying back on the 27th... been given a new role at the KL office in CJ as part of a job promotion and I guess it's time to sort myself out as parents are getting older anyway...

Errr what else....Still young free and single... and feeling like 24! hahahaha

And what about yourself? You can always drop em a line using email

Look forward to hear from you...


To: Him
Date: Thursday, 16 June, 2005 3:32 PM
Subject: Re: Hello you...
Message: Hi Him,Yeup...small world! And I am in the same office as one of your batch from XX. As soon as I got ur msg, I told him that I got a msg from a XXian! he..he..

So, u r still in the UK... Knp nak balik? Make more money laaa....:D

Gosh... I dont remember us talking. If I am not mistaken, we will be like just lookin at each other and thats it! heh...heh..

As for me, after PUO I worked and went to US in 96 for a while to further my studies. Got back about a year later and work till now.

Hemmm what else... have 2 beautiful children, still feel young... and just became 'single' again recently..

Life is just full of surprises! And I am still enjoying every moment of it :)

I can be reached at kay... ;-)

p/s: why Him xxxxxxx eh?

and after that, we continue via emails... and chat a bit... and became, i would say good friends... ;-)

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship ~ interesting article

what do girls talk about when they meet? what do i talk about, with my gfs when we meet.. heh..heh.. currently, the hot topic will be about relationships. :) had a short chat before i went off yesterday... i was feeling bluechh yesterday maybe due to lack of sleep..bla..bla.. the usual stuff which i do not have to mention here.. coz...boringgggg!! well, anyway, found this interesting article. yeup.. people grow up learning thru their previous relationship(s).. and they wanna make it better.. and so do i. :) and i kind of like what i learn about myself when i read this article. and jennifer has her own thots as well. and i am still learning the different way of being in a relationship... i've to agree, its tough for me at least, but in the process of accepting... well, i can be cranky at times..which i cannot help it..hahaha :D.. please bear with me.. :(
10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship ~ By Dr. Margaret Paul
Is your relationship healthy? Take a few minutes to read through this article and see how your relationship is doing.

"My parents had a very good relationship," I often hear my clients say.
"What do you mean by good?" I ask.
"They didn't fight. They spent a lot of time with each other."
That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more.
Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.
Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.
Spontaneous Warmth and Affection
Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.
Laughter and Fun
Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other's sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.
Enjoying Time Together and Time Apart
Are you both each other's favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?
Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?
Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.
A Method for Conflict Resolution
All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?
Letting Go Of Anger
If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.
Trust in Your Love for Each Other
Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other - and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.
Listening, Understanding, Accepting and Learning
Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?
Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?
Freedom to be Yourself
Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?
While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

ora iso turu

apakah motif gambar giraffe ini sebenarnya??? hahaha tak de pa per...saja.. :P ahak..ahak...

its 330am, wednesday morning. keep on either getting up the same time for the past few days, or cant sleep till late. joey asked me as I was driving home yesterday if I was going to be doing my work in the middle of the nite like the nite before. and I said, ‘yes, if I wake up and could not sleep’. maybe I should put a disclaimer before I continue writing this today. I was told to take note of my thots and that’s what I am doing right now. this wont be in aturan…. I will just blurt it out… no I am not trying to drop hints on anyone, but just a matter of putting my thots on paper. kejap…I am trying to remember my dream.. just before I got up… ahhh… cant remember details. oh yes, joey is down with chicken pox.. :) kesian dia.. and he was chasing lisa all over the house today just to scare lisa. hihihihihi..:D my nieces and nephew had it 2 weeks ago. just hope that joey will recover on time for his exam end of jan 2007. he has been counting how many what do you call that.. bumps on his body.. I found one on his hand last nite while accompanying him with his homework. my younger sister panicked! hahaha.. joey find it exhilarating to scare his aunt and sister.. was about to plan to bring them to visit the ‘eye of the world’ at taman tasik titiwangsa. and oh yess… isn’t my elder sister gonna throw a birthday party for her son this weekend? alamak… joey pulak kena quarantine like my nephew during his party last weekend. pause.

next thot… ‘having a relationship with married men/women does not bring you anywhere. It’ll only scar some part of your heart and waste your time and energy in giving your heart for him/her’. yeup… those who are involved in an affair are jerks. hehehe.. well, sorry la siapa yang terkena tu. as usual… my intention is to voice out to people out there. I once told a friend that ‘anything that makes you happy and you know that it is wrong, it is temporary’. cherish what you have with your own partner. realize what more you can do for him/her and you… waahhhh cakap senang! Lol…!! Stop right there… ;-) I know so. it’ll be the same old pattern. Waiting.. being there for him/her.. missing him/her.. when he/she is to occupied with his/her own spouse and family.. and there you are… not giving what you are supposed to give to your own loved ones. tak caya gi la tengok cerita 'cinta'! hahaha...No.. I am no expert… but.. *sigh* itu laa.. reality sucks.. yes, it is a matter of the heart, susah nak control… but… you can do something about it. So, get out while you still can… coz I know someone who’s out, and have moved on.

kadang2 kita akan terfikir if this the path that we want? Or, is this the right route that we should be taking… do I get out of the tunnel… seeing the lite at the end of it? It takes effort.. yes.. courage… yeup.. patience… very the… understanding.. it has to be mutual.. doesn’t it? And the thot came… no matter what the outcome is.. I am not going back there. No matter how difficult it is to wade across it… I will not look back. I might stop half way, and be content at where I can be… but I am not going back there. hope no longer resides in my personal dictionary. yes, I can have the glimpse of it, feel/look at it… something like looking at the shooting star.., but I will not dwell on it, until it materialize. Or maybe, hope works halfway for me..? appears for a while… and… vanishes when I forget where I am… as I am typing this.. I can feel that my chest becomes heavy… sign that I am feeling the pressure. started to have sleepless nites. question that I often ask myself. can a person make other people happy and be happy himself? it can work that way…for a while.. or at least until it last ;-) most of the time… ehhmm I dunno.. it needs sacrifice. be yourself. how can I, whenever I am about to be myself… I get stopped... partners are not trophies that can be kept at one corner, and take them out when you feel like showing them to some... some may feel comfortable and confident once they’ve achieved it. it might be easy to get them but it needs effort to nurture and sustain. it may be different from what used to be done and gone thru.. partners need to feel that they are being appreciated…care for.. being thought of.. who says that it’s an easy job? that’s where communication comes in.. yeaa.. I know.. I know.. I am jumping here and there.. and please be reminded, that I am realizing my thots here… not analyzing.. just jotting them down. at some point of time, you will learn to accept.. but at another point of time, you will start to realize.. why am I giving in so much? do i look that hopeless that I abandon my own needs to fulfill others’?... I wanna be where I am needed.. to complete what’s missing… not to be a standby (been there and done that).. Eerrkkss…. Clock shows 440am! why do I still feel like this?? Arrrghhh.. hate those questions… they are still nailed in my head!!! Get them out!!! it's 500am…as I continue typing… and I still feel the pressure.. and my buddy will start to say…chill out….. duhh… hehehe… yea… missed my buddy. Alahhh.. sure dia tengah tido lena.. cheh… can I miss my buddy and *toot* at the same time? Hahahaha… saper kata takleh… I am doin it now..;-) thinking of my buddy makes me relaxed… and thinking of my *toot* makes me smile.. so? entertain je laaa… tapi.. susah…:P buddy sudah ada gf… :) and buddy doesn’t talk to me abt his gf anymore.. hmmm I guess I haven’t got the chance to educate buddy enough on having a gf… :D he is so abt himself… at times.. but I know when he is with his gf, he devoted his mind fully for her. Ye ke?? Hehhehehe :D entah… I rasa lah.. that’s how he has been doin so far, that I know ;-). Tapi… hati pompuan kena jaga jugak… jangan asyik bz nak suruh orang jaga hati u different, be different jugak tapi sekali sekala flexi la sket..kesian gf u, nanti makan hati.. alamak… bunyi anjing…!! Suspen nyer… ok laa… got to sleep.. 1.5 hours more to go… before kena bangun dah.. :)

Me…signing off…510am… *yawn*!!.. nak peluk joey…:D lisa sleeps in my mom’s room..takut jangkit chicken pox… hahhaha..

Thursday, January 11, 2007

the lunch kakis...

ehh madam kwan lahhh!!! hehehe that was the reaction from most of us.. the lunch kakis... hahaha.. when we saw madam kwan in bangsar right after our lunch. it was supposed to be a coming back lunch for our dear LA after her maternity leave... but... last minute, her boss requested for LA to join her for lunch... :-( place is already booked... so hendak tak hendak...proceed je laaa... so from 11 of us, jadi 9 jer.. coz LA and AM had to join the boss... the picts..

we also had the year end dinner at the curve last month... ha..that one was complete!! 12 of us... including GQ who left the company.. :) more picts here..

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

..bits and pieces..

thot #1: lately i started to feel that my joelis are growing up so fast. just had a birthday party for my little joey..who is not little anymore...check out here for pictures...part I :) *sigh* but... manja...still the same :) he still likes to give me goose-bumps when he kisses me on my neck... "i am sucking your blood!" he says.. :D and most of the time lisa will be watching her lil brother being naughty. both of them very playful.. oh yes... PC got them 'cindy'... aahhh new 'baby sister' LOL... i was quite worried coz not sure if they are capable of the new responsibility... well anyway... lisa called me during my meeting yesterday and i heard joey shouting later.."ma... cindy is out!!" "cindy... come back... come here cindy..." and now...cindy likes to sleep...after her short escape :D i hope she's okay.. ahhh and that reminds me that i have to clean up her bedding after work today.

thot #2: stay out from those who brings negative vibes... yeup got this from jennifer :) thank you.. i shall remind my self. perhaps i was long enough being surrounded by the negative whatever that it does get into me.. at times.. my task now is to take note of all those thots...

thot # 3: heyyy!! celebrity fitness... no joining fee... !!! jom... !! saw the adv at bangsar village yesterday after work.. did my groceries shopping in bangsar... naahhh not at bangsar village.. giler punya mahal ke situ... was at tmc accompanied by james and jennifer. thot of having durian before we left.. but entah.. tak jadi. jennifer was feeling down and bluechh yesterday. my mind was occupied. cant stop thinking of you know who. but, no hal... still had a good session of teh tarik with james, jennifer and SA. i guess jennifer knew... it shows all over my face, that i am worried. well, i am sure he can take good care of himself.. he's a big boy. :) but... i still cant stop thinking and worrying. if i dont, means i dont care...kan? ;) i do care... thats why. called him... no answer. got home by 845pm. told my mom that he's not well... and he's been keeping quiet. told my mom that i wanna go with my sister and check out if he's ok... my mom nodded, gave her permission.. but aahh...left the address in the office. *sigh* another thot came... "tak pe laa... ada la tu... Tuhan kata, tak perlu pergi..." and trying to keep myself calm... apa lagi...main2 la dgn joelis... until we fell asleep.. but keep on waking up... checking on my phone, if he replies to my sms.... :( none.. my alarm... 6am... called him... phone still off.. gosh... what's happening here?? tried to call again...on the way to work.. and suddenly.. i got his call...!! "waahh... u r early today?" he sounded not as cheerful but cheerful enough :) my heart dropped... relieved... alhamdulillah... he's ok.. and when i saw his smiling face as he drove pass by my car... "memang nak kena mamat nie!!"

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

short trip to Sg Buloh

was at CM's house yesterday. beautiful house... nice garden :) cosy... met, 'khalil' hemmm hensem.. shiny.. :) met 'leya', 'zainal' and 'molly'... or was it 'polly'? remembered few years back when i merajuk, ran to Australia and stayed at CM's house... she left me in her home with 'zainal' sleeping next to me... :) baik jer.. the last time i met CM was at the dinner at GitaBayu. had a good chat. sampai lupa.. dah lewat. had dinner at the club house.. chat again.. it started to rain. we both walked back to her house and continue talking... did not cover everything, but yea... a bit here and there. some things made me wonder... wish could write it here... but.. *sigh* CM knows how i feel...vice versa. just wished it din happened.. but it did.. had to leave by 11pm... not because i want to... but i was getting sleepy.. and lisa called just before 1030pm... she was sleepy and just checkin' what time i am coming home... kesian dia :) looking forward for this weekend.. :) had a good quality time at CM's house although i had to go thru the jam...salah amik exit :D and sambil boring2 drive snap la gambor with my phone :D hahaha..

Friday, January 5, 2007

joey's birthday dinner

PC came over to the house to take us out for dinner, 3rd Jan 2007 nite.. to celebrate joey's 7th birthday. that was sweet of him to have the thot. :) ye laa... ye laa... koghang sure boring.. when it comes to my PC sumernya sweet...LOL...:D hahaha... relak lah kay... dah memang iyer, nak buat camner :P. well anyway, i fetched joelis around 545pm that day, first day of school so kena la awal sket takut joey lari kemana-mana :D so, my elder sis and i waited in front of our kids' class. got home, took a shower and relax kejap tunggu maghrib. joelis jemaah with my dad in the prayer room downstairs while i got ready upstairs. by 8pm received an sms from my PC letting us know that he is leaving his place.. by then we are all ready.. arrived at the restaurant around after 830pm. joelis were hungry.. :D ye laa biasa they have dinner around 630pm - 700pm. they shared carbonara, PC had mee hoon cantonese and i had kuey tiow cantonese. surprisingly, my joelis were really sporting that nite.. i was impressed... :) thank you my dear darlings.. ;) for the 1st time, they did not fight for their seats... hmmm... automatically they sat together and let PC and i sat in front of them. and yes..they finished their food. joey wanted choc volcano for dessert.. brownies with ice cream. i quickly went to the waiter and passed the candles that i brought earlier.. joey was surprised to see the dessert with a candle... tapi muka maintain cool.. lisa reminded her lil brother to make a wish before blowing the candle.. and we sang the birthday song for him while PC got ready with his camera...aahhhh he brought his camera... when i saw the camera in the car, i thot...he'eh...dia bawak camera.. bagusnyaa... :D well, you know, those little things but when its done, you really appreciate the thots and actions. :) and yess... he is a wonderful person...and i love him... for being him, as my buddy and my prince charming...and most of all for loving us all together :)
oh yes.. during dinner, joey did something cute, that did not come across my mind that he would do that... hehehehe... and lisa went along and play.. *sigh* i am 1 lucky mom to have such wonderful kids and sporting.. ahaksss..:D :P by 930pm, lisa is already sleepy... we went home straight away after that... got home at 1000pm...joelis were already asleep at the back of the car.. woke them up, say their goodbyes and went in... leaving me and my PC to say our goodnites ;)
thank you.. for being wonderful.. and for the simple and yet lovely evening.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

you're just too good to be true...

cant take my eyes off you ~ Lauryn Hill

you're just too good to be true.
can't take my eyes off you.
you'd be like heaven to touch.
i wanna hold you so much.
at long last love has arrived.
and i thank God i'm alive.
you're just too good to be true.
can't take my eyes off you.

pardon the way that i stare.
there's nothing else to compare.
the sight of you leaves me weak.
there are no words left to speak.
but if you feel like i feel.
please let me know that it's real.
you're just too good to be true.
can't take my eyes off you.

i need you baby, and if it's quite all right
i need you baby to warm a lonely night.
i love you baby trust in me when i say ok:
oh pretty baby, don't let me down i pray.
oh pretty baby, now that i found you, stay.
and let me love you,
oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

you're just too good to be true.
can't take my eyes off you.
you'd be like heaven to touch.
i wanna hold you so much.
at long last love has arrived.
and i thank god i'm alive.
you're just too good to be true.
can't take my eyes off you.

i need you baby, and if it's quite all right
i need you baby to warm a lonely night.
i love you baby trust in me when i say it's ok
oh pretty baby, don't let me down i pray.
oh pretty baby, now that i found you, stay.
and let me love you,
oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
i need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
i need you baby to warm a lonely night.
i love you baby trust in me when i say it's ok
oh pretty baby, don't let me down i pray.
oh pretty baby, now that i found you, stay.
and let me love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

i know thats not the title...but.. suka hati laa... :D things happened around me.. but i have learnt that i shouldnt be too expressive about how i feel, coz at the end of the day, if things dont go as how i'd wish it could be, i will get frustrated. i do not think i ask for too much, just like what other women would want... and that's all... if that is too much... then i'd just need to keep it to myself for a while and lay low. whatever that i feel for him is real, i know.. its just a matter of time... learning about each other more...

no... dont get me wrong.. he is a wonderful person or shall i say fantabulous [like how joelis always put it..;)] ...just that at times i dont feel like he enjoys being with me.. or maybe, i felt it but only for a while.. get it? i know...*sigh* you might not understand. perhaps in relationships, i work according to my feelings.. spontaneous... but to some people according to schedule.. structured... discipline.. everything has a time in it.. maybe i am wrong.. but that is how i feel. i also understand that everyone has their own do i... but i just work differently to different people. it looks/sounded funny if you are not in it... but... itu lah dia.. i cant be laughing at myself.. i did la jugak.. hahaha:D thot i was being ridiculous.. but thats about it ... camner... :(

i am sad and became scared.. when i thot everything is going to be fine, but it didnt.. :( or maybe its nothing... i am just bursting for no reason. but i need to say out what i feel dont i? :( i feel bad too if he starts to think that i am asking for more than what he offers... isnt just natural..? about wanting more..? if i cant, then i dont see the necessity of having an exclusivity... aarrgghhh.... entah la... i have no intention of hurting his feelings... no.. :( perhaps certain words used hit me... and know what... i am even afraid to call him... afraid that i might disturb him.. it shouldnt be that way isnt? why should i be afraid...?

some pictures..

okay guys... here are some pictures that i owe.. :)

pictures during AZ'z birthday party at Gita Bayu...

joey's 1st day in school: he kinda left me... and wanted to be his friends during recess. i couldnt catch up with him. went round the canteen 3 times, couldnt find him... decided to go towards his class. met my fren and she told me that joey was looking for me, and was crying.. hehehe :D ingatkan cool mamat tu.... cry jugak...hahaha :D hehehe... nasib baik lisa ada... lisa was also looking for him but tak jumpa. at last found him seated with my elder sis.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007


i was kinda kalut the nite before.. been keeping things in my head. till i can no longer bear it. i brokedown. did some stupid things.. well, anyway decided to really talked it out... yea... me being me... i will fact have been crying pun... felt tired i guess... or my head is tired..of keeping it all to myself. :( smsed my PC.. and managed to sort some things out with him.. heh..heh..:D felt a bit ackward actually... entah lah, maybe because we have been friends.. so the switching part from my side made me a bit... ngok ngek segan.. whatever.. sumer ada lah..hahahaha.. okay after this... apa-apa pun i will ask... so, thats it lah... hahaha.. apa-apa pun right now i really miss him..boleh? :D :P

okay...okay...enuf being mushy... :P.. today..joey's first day.. std 1. :D i am home right now after sending him to school. he was doing okay. muka nampak boring lah... but other than that, he's 1 cool dude! ;-) that's my son. lisa as usual, tak boleh lewat sket... mula lah gabra.. kalut... macam saper ehh? hahaha :D since she's already in std 4, laju je la dia jalan. left me behind with my sister and joey. so now i am taking a break... panas ..kat sekolah :D called my PC while waiting for joey in school just now... dia nak gi makan sate... hmmm sedapnya... sluurpp... tapi tak pe, i had ayam masak kurma + jantung + sambal belacan... sedap jugak.:P

oh yea... met my old school fren TM, she sends her son to the same school. well, her son and joey went to the same kindergarden.. so okaylah...jumpa old friend. hope to see them at joey's party during the weekend. well, i guess... better sign off kejap.. will post up some pictures later.

welcome 2007

happy birthday joey... :) joey's turning 7 today. and its gonna be his first day in school. yeup.. i am on leave today to accompany him... he is nervous... oopss.. joey is up.. got to go... cont later... ;)

p/s: my dear PC.... i'm glad we had the talk..:)

Monday, January 1, 2007

its new year

felt lonely without my PC. wished he was with me, for new year eve, but tak pe la.. he has got prior arrangement. wished i was really okay with it, but the fact that i am not... makes me feel bluuechhh... :( the thing is, i am not the person who celebrates new year or go out on new year's eve... the last time i went out for new year's eve was wayyyyyy back in 2002 or was it 1998/1999 when i just got back from States. last nite was out with my youngest sister and cousin to meet up with friends at HR. had quite a good time. but of course.. if only my PC was around.. bla..bla..bla.. ahhh..

well anyway, he came to the house for lunch, commented on my cooking..:( and then we took the kids out to Petsworld just to test if joelis can really handle hamsters. i know i cant.. hehehe... geli laa.. too lembik :D then, we had a drink at starbucks, with joelis eating 1901 hotdogs. :D was proud of my PC... he was really cool with joelis. joelis got kinda excited going out with my PC. joey selamber gila... love to see when my PC dgn cool-nya took joey's hand.. and walked together. i thot it was sweet...;) lisa as usal, was still shy-shy..altho she was hyper jugak... pelik i tengok.. hemmm after Petsworld, we went to ToysRus.. lepak... joelis get to play some of the toys. i was looking for joey's birthday present but the set was too small for him... gagal disitu! sent joelis home at about 5 something.. my PC and i went for a drive... to see where he used to stay.. areas in ampang ;).. and rasa so sekejap. he sent me home, just before maghrib..