what raya means to me/us this year

everybody will be looking forward for raya, me included. but this time, its the 2nd raya for my joelis to be without their daddy. joey has been cheerful the whole fasting month. he has been fasting most of the days, alhamdulillah. lisa, insyaallah will get full 30 days of fasting this year like the previous years. as for me, i have been ill the whole of last week, lost 3 kg in 4 days. that's what happened when i started to complained about my weight :D. i have not bought anything for myself yet, concentrating for joelis first. my mom gave me some money to buy some new clothes for joelis. i realize that things will get worst between me and their dad. this year, he did not give anything for their children except rm50. apa-apa pun, alhamdulillah. itu sahaja rezeki anak2 untuk tahun ni from their loving dad.